LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SIGNS OF THE SEASON"
There are signs of the season all around those of us in Western society. It is the Christmas/Holiday season for millions. Those signs lift our spirits and enhance our anticipation of that which is to come. They also remind us of the hope associated with this season. It is good to be reminded and reflect on how much there is to be thankful for and hopeful about. In a world that is reeling with tragic incidents and uncertainty, this is especially indicated.
For Christmas celebrators those signs include decorations, busy malls, greeting cards, shopping lists, visits to Santa, baking, family gatherings, special programs and so forth. For others the signs and meaning of the season are different and often go unnoticed by the majority of the population. It is good for us to be reminded of this and sensitively acknowledge and respect the traditions of others as they celebrate.
It has always been interesting to me how many feel they betray their own beliefs and traditions if they respect another's. This may be proportional to the dichotomous nature of one's beliefs. It may be an expression of perceived loyalty. It may be fear of the unknown or discomfort with difference. It may simply be a quiet resignation to live out one's own dignity peacefully.
For many Christmas includes some acknowledgement or inclusion of a manger scene with Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. One of the most beloved Christmas carols is Silent Night. It is often sung to candlelight. In the Christmas story the Light of God is heralded to have been born into a dark world where God has been perceived of as silent. Biblical history has held to the belief that God had been silent for over four hundred years, during the time between the Old and New Testaments. That would imply that on that Silent Night God was breaking His silence in the birth of Jesus. Symbolic of that in the story is Zechariah's silence being broken at the time of John the Baptist's birth. Interesting!
Have you ever noticed that at this time of year we often hear from those we do not hear from any other time of year? It is part of the season. It comes in multiple formats: greeting cards, e cards, phone calls, texts, visits and so forth. There seems to be a need to greet others where we would otherwise neglect to do so. Greetings are one of the signs of the season. We almost feel compelled at this time of year to extend some kind of extra greeting to those we pass or meet.
Whatever our traditions or belief system I hope we will all make an extra effort to extend greetings to others. We never know the impact that may have on another individual or their day. It is important to be sensitive in doing so but to be paralyzed by a fear of offending is not good either. It is a good time to connect or reconnect. It is respectful to wish others and their families well.
Best wishes as you celebrate this Season. I trust that you will enjoy the signs of the season.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON"
What is it about this time of year that has such a profound effect on us: the anticipation of gifts, reconnecting with family and friends, celebrations, time off from daily routines, giving more than we normally would the rest of the year, or simply welcoming a new year? Whatever it is, this season can bring out both the best and the worst in us. Sometimes the worst comes about because of too much of the best. We anticipate, indulge and commiserate our exercise of excesses, in whatever direction, in the spirit of the season.
What is it about us that cycles through this year after year? Many vow they are not going to do it again next year and yet they know they will probably get caught up in the spirit of the season and repeat the cycle. It is almost like some kind of anticipated, exercised and often regretted catharsis. We need this time of year to somehow be special rather than disappointing. We need to feel like we have participated rather than having been left out.
It is interesting how much of the world pauses to take note of the season: there are temporary truces, cease fires, government shutdowns, market closures and so forth. It is interesting that it is somewhat of a global phenomenon even if only in reaction to those who do participate around the world at such high levels of societies. Its occurrence is acknowledged in many sectors of the world where it takes on a culturally different significance. Sometimes it is respected, sometimes it is rejected. Whatever our response or reaction, it makes a statement about us individually and culturally.
There is a part of us as human beings that I call existential self. It has to do with the meaning and significance we attach to our existence. Philosophers and theologians have debated it probably as long as we have possessed the language to do so. Many do not believe they even think about such "deep" topics and yet they are living out whatever it is they believe life is about. We all do. Some are just more conscious or intentional about "fleshing out" their existential beliefs.
There is a part of us that knows we were meant for some kind of connection. We need to somehow feel like we have been a part of something bigger than we are to validate something deep within us. Many believe that need is met by our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and so forth. Others believe it needs to include some kind of connection to an existential being. AA calls it "a higher power." Some believe it is an extra-terrestrial connection, aliens. World religions describe and prescribe connection to the person or object of their faith or stated belief system.
What does all of this have to do with the Holiday season? Is there any connection? It is in many cultures and celebrations an intrinsically existential celebration. How about you? What meaning do you assign to your celebrations? Perhaps that is not something you consciously think about. You just want to celebrate. Whether that be in the "spirit" of the season or in the "Spirit" of the season, I respectfully wish you a meaningful season!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SEASON'S GREETINGS"
There is a tendency at this time of year to offer greetings or holiday wishes to those we have little regular contact with throughout the rest of the year. It is nice to hear all of the good wishes being exchanged! It is too bad that does not extend to the rest of the year. It is like when there are tragic events that come into our lives and we lay aside whatever other feelings we may have to pay our respects to the grieving family or pitch in and help in a natural disaster. It is as if we need a higher, a special, or a tragic event to move us outside of our normal response patterns.
There is something in that common to our humanity. I have often wondered if it is the tendency to need an external stimulus or source of motivation to do what we would not otherwise freely choose to do. We see this all the time in parenting. Our children often need us to provide that external stimulus or motivation to do the responsible thing. How many adults would obey the traffic laws if it were not for a law enforcement deterrent? How about doing what our bosses ask on their terms?
I have often wondered why it is so hard to internalize what we are offered externally, especially when we know it would be in our best interest to do so. Sometimes I think it is just our natural reticence or resistance against being governed from an outside source. Sometimes I think we do not agree with what is being asked of us. Sometimes it is a lack of trust that others have our best interest at heart.
Sometimes I think we already have life experiences and the corresponding emotional deterrents in our conditioning that resist such choices being made freely.
Whatever it is we all know that those tendencies lie within us. We like to self-govern. Too little and we risk being irresponsible, too much and we risk being entitled. Somewhere in between there is a healthy middle ground of self-regulation. Venturing out into the realm of the extremes can be healthy or unhealthy. Sometimes amazingly innovative discoveries are the result of trying something risky and a bit extreme. Sometimes those same choices and behaviors result in disaster.
Self-regulation is worthy topic of discussion, one that deserves much more than what is being said here. The holiday season provides all of us with an opportunity to practice it on multiple levels: spending, sleeping, eating, partying and so forth. We joke about it every year as we push those boundaries to the extreme. It is almost an inherited right or tradition in our culture! Perhaps it is a form of catharsis, an excuse to release whatever has been pent up inside of us.
I don't know what makes for a "good" holiday season for you and your family. Some would scoff that there is no possibility for such in their life. Perhaps we can somehow be a part of reversing that for someone in our corner of the world this year: by volunteering, by giving, by simply greeting someone you would not otherwise greet. I hope the holiday season recharges you, refreshes you and gives you pause to reflect as we end one year and enter another.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"SEASON'S GREETINGS"
There is a tendency at this time of year to offer greetings or holiday wishes to those we have little regular contact with throughout the rest of the year. It is nice to hear all of the good wishes being exchanged! It is too bad that does not extend to the rest of the year. It is like when there are tragic events that come into our lives and we lay aside whatever other feelings we may have to pay our respects to the grieving family or pitch in and help in a natural disaster. It is as if we need a higher, a special, or a tragic event to move us outside of our normal response patterns.
There is something in that common to our humanity. I have often wondered if it is the tendency to need an external stimulus or source of motivation to do what we would not otherwise freely choose to do. We see this all the time in parenting. Our children often need us to provide that external stimulus or motivation to do the responsible thing. How many adults would obey the traffic laws if it were not for a law enforcement deterrent? How about doing what our bosses ask on their terms?
I have often wondered why it is so hard to internalize what we are offered externally, especially when we know it would be in our best interest to do so. Sometimes I think it is just our natural reticence or resistance against being governed from an outside source. Sometimes I think we do not agree with what is being asked of us. Sometimes it is a lack of trust that others have our best interest at heart.
Sometimes I think we already have life experiences and the corresponding emotional deterrents in our conditioning that resist such choices being made freely.
Whatever it is we all know that those tendencies lie within us. We like to self-govern. Too little and we risk being irresponsible, too much and we risk being entitled. Somewhere in between there is a healthy middle ground of self-regulation. Venturing out into the realm of the extremes can be healthy or unhealthy. Sometimes amazingly innovative discoveries are the result of trying something risky and a bit extreme. Sometimes those same choices and behaviors result in disaster.
Self-regulation is worthy topic of discussion, one that deserves much more than what is being said here. The holiday season provides all of us with an opportunity to practice it on multiple levels: spending, sleeping, eating, partying and so forth. We joke about it every year as we push those boundaries to the extreme. It is almost an inherited right or tradition in our culture! Perhaps it is a form of catharsis, an excuse to release whatever has been pent up inside of us.
I don't know what makes for a "good" holiday season for you and your family. Some would scoff that there is no possibility for such in their life. Perhaps we can somehow be a part of reversing that for someone in our corner of the world this year: by volunteering, by giving, by simply greeting someone you would not otherwise greet. I hope the holiday season recharges you, refreshes you and gives you pause to reflect as we end one year and enter another.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SLIPPERY SLOPES"
It's winter! Many moan and begin to plan their Winter Escapes to warmer, sunnier climates. They dread the cold, the long dark days, all the "dressings" required to stay warm and safe, winterizing vehicles, stalled cars, parking bans for snow removal and so forth. Then snow arrives, preceded by freezing rain that glazes surfaces creating skating rinks everywhere. Caution and traction becomes the foci of getting from Point A to Point B in snowy climates.
As much as slippery slopes are dangerous on streets and sidewalks in winter, they are also dangerous in other arenas of our lives, externally and internally. For example, choosing to do what appears to be a good thing can become a slippery slope if the driving motive internally is compromised or just simply not good. External behaviors are often compromised by unhealthy intentions or motivations. Using external behaviors as covers intended to hide lying, scheming, conniving or manipulative motivations are familiar examples of this.
When the chosen behavior does not produce the desired outcome, that gets us whatever it is we really want without coming clean, we are on a slippery slope. The behavior then produces either a landslide of internal dynamics to suppress or work through or becomes a more sophisticated strategy aimed at a second attempt to secure the desired outcome. These attempts can escalate into desperate attempts to get whatever it is we are really seeking.
We probably most readily relate this to parenting and teaching children to ask for what they want or need. At first, they act out these desires and needs, especially pre-verbally. With time, parents hope they learn to "use their words," making the whole process potentially much smoother for all involved. It sounds like such a straight forward process, "just ask!" It is, however, not that simple. If it were, hopefully we would all do it more often and with more congruence and integrity between our internal and external selves!
For some no one ever cared what they needed or wanted, leaving them unsure themselves of either what that "something" is or without words to express however much of it they may be able to put into words. For others their needs and wants were deemed unimportant or shamed, leaving them unable to get outside of themselves and ask. In some families certain members needs and wants were more the focus than those of other members. Sometimes that is a matter of favoritism or deferment within the family system and its members. Perhaps the message was simply "take care of yourself" or to use an archaic and politically incorrect phrase, "every man for himself." Perhaps it was the confusion and blurry lines between wants and needs or the conversion of one to the other. There are many reasons and scenarios we could recite for why we are not proficient at this essential life skill.
Whatever our historic or early childhood experiences, we all carry these "norms" into our adolescent and/or adult lives. It is also important to recognize that there are both individual and systemic norms around these processes. For example, an individual can be quite capable of asking for what they need but if their method of asking does not match the acceptable systemic format, it will not become a successful transaction. Some refer to this as knowing how to play the systemic game to get whatever it is one perceives they want or need.
Attempting to take care of oneself and ask for what you want or need is a life skill. We need not feel shame for still being in the process of refining both ourselves and the systems within which we live. We need to keep working at it, exercising those muscles. Our wants and needs can become slippery slopes that cause us to fall or land in places we never intended.
As we approach this Holiday season it is a good opportunity to check out ourselves and our systems for how we are doing in terms of the health dynamics around our wants and needs. If you never ask, try. If you ask too much, try refining or refraining. Be aware of those who so easily slip through the cracks or are the demanding members of your family systems. This is such an acceptable time of year to practice new skills and shake off whatever has prevented you in the past. Best Wishes!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"SLIPPERY SLOPES"
It's winter! Many moan and begin to plan their Winter Escapes to warmer, sunnier climates. They dread the cold, the long dark days, all the "dressings" required to stay warm and safe, winterizing vehicles, stalled cars, parking bans for snow removal and so forth. Then snow arrives, preceded by freezing rain that glazes surfaces creating skating rinks everywhere. Caution and traction becomes the foci of getting from Point A to Point B in snowy climates.
As much as slippery slopes are dangerous on streets and sidewalks in winter, they are also dangerous in other arenas of our lives, externally and internally. For example, choosing to do what appears to be a good thing can become a slippery slope if the driving motive internally is compromised or just simply not good. External behaviors are often compromised by unhealthy intentions or motivations. Using external behaviors as covers intended to hide lying, scheming, conniving or manipulative motivations are familiar examples of this.
When the chosen behavior does not produce the desired outcome, that gets us whatever it is we really want without coming clean, we are on a slippery slope. The behavior then produces either a landslide of internal dynamics to suppress or work through or becomes a more sophisticated strategy aimed at a second attempt to secure the desired outcome. These attempts can escalate into desperate attempts to get whatever it is we are really seeking.
We probably most readily relate this to parenting and teaching children to ask for what they want or need. At first, they act out these desires and needs, especially pre-verbally. With time, parents hope they learn to "use their words," making the whole process potentially much smoother for all involved. It sounds like such a straight forward process, "just ask!" It is, however, not that simple. If it were, hopefully we would all do it more often and with more congruence and integrity between our internal and external selves!
For some no one ever cared what they needed or wanted, leaving them unsure themselves of either what that "something" is or without words to express however much of it they may be able to put into words. For others their needs and wants were deemed unimportant or shamed, leaving them unable to get outside of themselves and ask. In some families certain members needs and wants were more the focus than those of other members. Sometimes that is a matter of favoritism or deferment within the family system and its members. Perhaps the message was simply "take care of yourself" or to use an archaic and politically incorrect phrase, "every man for himself." Perhaps it was the confusion and blurry lines between wants and needs or the conversion of one to the other. There are many reasons and scenarios we could recite for why we are not proficient at this essential life skill.
Whatever our historic or early childhood experiences, we all carry these "norms" into our adolescent and/or adult lives. It is also important to recognize that there are both individual and systemic norms around these processes. For example, an individual can be quite capable of asking for what they need but if their method of asking does not match the acceptable systemic format, it will not become a successful transaction. Some refer to this as knowing how to play the systemic game to get whatever it is one perceives they want or need.
Attempting to take care of oneself and ask for what you want or need is a life skill. We need not feel shame for still being in the process of refining both ourselves and the systems within which we live. We need to keep working at it, exercising those muscles. Our wants and needs can become slippery slopes that cause us to fall or land in places we never intended.
As we approach this Holiday season it is a good opportunity to check out ourselves and our systems for how we are doing in terms of the health dynamics around our wants and needs. If you never ask, try. If you ask too much, try refining or refraining. Be aware of those who so easily slip through the cracks or are the demanding members of your family systems. This is such an acceptable time of year to practice new skills and shake off whatever has prevented you in the past. Best Wishes!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, November 20, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"A SEASON OF ANTICIPATION"
The last week of November, the American Thanksgiving and Black Friday signal the beginning of the Holiday season for millions of people. My favorite aspect of this season is the anticipation that is associated with it. We see it on the faces of many: children anticipating presents, a break from school and special activities; family members looking forward to being reunited and sharing their traditions; retailers anticipating sales; weary employees longing for a few days off to rest and celebrate; charities anticipating the generosity of others to help them meet their needs; the anticipation of a new year.
Hope is a part of this seasonal anticipation. Not everyone, however, approaches this season with a sense of hopeful anticipation. For many it is an empty and lonely time of year. This is especially true for those who have no families, no jobs, no homes and no hope or viable means of securing them. In the spirit of the season many open their hearts to the opportunities before them to share with others a portion of their blessings and hope. Kudos to all who do or even wish too if unable!
We miss a huge part of what this season is all about if we fail to enjoy the anticipation. Stress, lack of time and sleep, overloaded calendars, unpreparedness, unforeseen circumstances and feelings of obligation so often result in us just plowing through to the anticipated days and arriving exhausted just in time to hopefully enjoy what has barely been anticipated. It is often a real task to continue to anticipate this season no matter the circumstances.
For a few generations a tradition has been passed down in my family around what is called The Mystery Gift. Every Christmas I purchase a gift for several children and make up twenty-five clues, one per day in December. If the child can guess what the mystery gift is they receive and open it early. The intentionality is to generate anticipation. Some years the clues have been too hard and probably generated more frustration than anticipation. It can be a challenge to come up with all those clues. For years these children have ended up with gifts and a monthly supply of chocolate chip cookies for playing the game and to generate anticipation every month till we play again.
For me this season is about the revelation of one of the most mysterious gifts humanity has ever known in the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. It centers around Bethlehem and the manger scene. It elicits anticipation, it generates controversy, it causes one to take pause and contemplate the power of a mystery that affects calendars, governments, history, news stories and so forth for millenniums.
Jesus claimed to be the Christ, the long-awaited Messiah and the Anointed One. A claim that has, is and probably always will be either accepted or scandalous to millions.
How about you and your traditions? How do you anticipate this season? Is there mystery involved somewhere in your celebrations? Warm wishes to all in the anticipation, actuality and aftermath!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"A SEASON OF ANTICIPATION"
The last week of November, the American Thanksgiving and Black Friday signal the beginning of the Holiday season for millions of people. My favorite aspect of this season is the anticipation that is associated with it. We see it on the faces of many: children anticipating presents, a break from school and special activities; family members looking forward to being reunited and sharing their traditions; retailers anticipating sales; weary employees longing for a few days off to rest and celebrate; charities anticipating the generosity of others to help them meet their needs; the anticipation of a new year.
Hope is a part of this seasonal anticipation. Not everyone, however, approaches this season with a sense of hopeful anticipation. For many it is an empty and lonely time of year. This is especially true for those who have no families, no jobs, no homes and no hope or viable means of securing them. In the spirit of the season many open their hearts to the opportunities before them to share with others a portion of their blessings and hope. Kudos to all who do or even wish too if unable!
We miss a huge part of what this season is all about if we fail to enjoy the anticipation. Stress, lack of time and sleep, overloaded calendars, unpreparedness, unforeseen circumstances and feelings of obligation so often result in us just plowing through to the anticipated days and arriving exhausted just in time to hopefully enjoy what has barely been anticipated. It is often a real task to continue to anticipate this season no matter the circumstances.
For a few generations a tradition has been passed down in my family around what is called The Mystery Gift. Every Christmas I purchase a gift for several children and make up twenty-five clues, one per day in December. If the child can guess what the mystery gift is they receive and open it early. The intentionality is to generate anticipation. Some years the clues have been too hard and probably generated more frustration than anticipation. It can be a challenge to come up with all those clues. For years these children have ended up with gifts and a monthly supply of chocolate chip cookies for playing the game and to generate anticipation every month till we play again.
For me this season is about the revelation of one of the most mysterious gifts humanity has ever known in the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. It centers around Bethlehem and the manger scene. It elicits anticipation, it generates controversy, it causes one to take pause and contemplate the power of a mystery that affects calendars, governments, history, news stories and so forth for millenniums.
Jesus claimed to be the Christ, the long-awaited Messiah and the Anointed One. A claim that has, is and probably always will be either accepted or scandalous to millions.
How about you and your traditions? How do you anticipate this season? Is there mystery involved somewhere in your celebrations? Warm wishes to all in the anticipation, actuality and aftermath!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"VETTING TEMPLATES"
Vetting is an important process of examination and evaluation. It determines what is an acceptable expression of ideology, position or creative endeavor. In journalism and film we refer to the process as editing. It attempts to safeguard against expressions that do not accurately express or portray what is desired. It attempts to refine in order to lead to the desired outcome. Individuals and collectives engage in vetting as a safeguard of expression and accountability.
We can never truly control communication. By its very nature communication is at least a two party endeavor. Vetting attempts to hone communication in order to avoid saying something that was never one's intention in the first place. It is an attempt to communicate as accurately as possible and avoid unwanted interpretations as much as it lies within our capacity to do so. Having said all of this, it is important to accept that human expressions and communications will always be vulnerable to interpretation. We cannot control where they will land in another. Lives have been constructively and destructively altered by a single word. Life, itself, has, is and will be altered by a single word.
Take history as an example. It is interpretive. This is why there are so many attempts at rewriting history with the perceived advantage of time and perspective coming to bear on the known facts. The discovery of a single significant piece of previously unknown data can rewrite a chapter in history. The same is true in technology and science where research and development radically shift our notions, perspectives and ideologies regarding what is true or possible.
Another example is legal or forensic evidence. Newly discovered evidence, like that provided by DNA, can turn a case upside down and flip a guilty or innocent verdict. Connecting the dots between what was thought to be totally unrelated pieces of data can do the same thing. The result is an entirely different picture of what really occurred as far as the new interpretation is capable of portraying.
We will never do it perfectly as human beings. We can, however, attempt to do it well or to the best of our capacities at any given moment. We need to be consciously intentional about how we express ourselves or bring ourselves to bear on any given situation. It needs to always be done with an informed awareness of our own limitations and vulnerabilities at any given moment or in any given situation. It is something we work at across our lifetime.
Vetting templates are crucial to accurate expression and communication. We all have templates, or grids, through which we send, receive and interpret our lives and our world. We need to be increasingly aware of them and how that affects our expressions of self, our ability to accurately communicate. It is okay to admit our limitations and vulnerabilities. Integrity demands it.
None of us have it all figured out. We just simply are not that good. We are limited, finite human beings trying to get enough of our needs met to survive and, maybe, thrive in this world. There are many who have never had the opportunity to even imagine the latter. May we be vulnerably grateful for what life has afforded us, withhold judgments and grow in the knowledge of our own vetting templates, as well as their limitations and vulnerabilities.
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
"VETTING TEMPLATES"
Vetting is an important process of examination and evaluation. It determines what is an acceptable expression of ideology, position or creative endeavor. In journalism and film we refer to the process as editing. It attempts to safeguard against expressions that do not accurately express or portray what is desired. It attempts to refine in order to lead to the desired outcome. Individuals and collectives engage in vetting as a safeguard of expression and accountability.
We can never truly control communication. By its very nature communication is at least a two party endeavor. Vetting attempts to hone communication in order to avoid saying something that was never one's intention in the first place. It is an attempt to communicate as accurately as possible and avoid unwanted interpretations as much as it lies within our capacity to do so. Having said all of this, it is important to accept that human expressions and communications will always be vulnerable to interpretation. We cannot control where they will land in another. Lives have been constructively and destructively altered by a single word. Life, itself, has, is and will be altered by a single word.
Take history as an example. It is interpretive. This is why there are so many attempts at rewriting history with the perceived advantage of time and perspective coming to bear on the known facts. The discovery of a single significant piece of previously unknown data can rewrite a chapter in history. The same is true in technology and science where research and development radically shift our notions, perspectives and ideologies regarding what is true or possible.
Another example is legal or forensic evidence. Newly discovered evidence, like that provided by DNA, can turn a case upside down and flip a guilty or innocent verdict. Connecting the dots between what was thought to be totally unrelated pieces of data can do the same thing. The result is an entirely different picture of what really occurred as far as the new interpretation is capable of portraying.
We will never do it perfectly as human beings. We can, however, attempt to do it well or to the best of our capacities at any given moment. We need to be consciously intentional about how we express ourselves or bring ourselves to bear on any given situation. It needs to always be done with an informed awareness of our own limitations and vulnerabilities at any given moment or in any given situation. It is something we work at across our lifetime.
Vetting templates are crucial to accurate expression and communication. We all have templates, or grids, through which we send, receive and interpret our lives and our world. We need to be increasingly aware of them and how that affects our expressions of self, our ability to accurately communicate. It is okay to admit our limitations and vulnerabilities. Integrity demands it.
None of us have it all figured out. We just simply are not that good. We are limited, finite human beings trying to get enough of our needs met to survive and, maybe, thrive in this world. There are many who have never had the opportunity to even imagine the latter. May we be vulnerably grateful for what life has afforded us, withhold judgments and grow in the knowledge of our own vetting templates, as well as their limitations and vulnerabilities.
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"Needs, Anyone?"
One of the basic building blocks of society is the family. Across the years it has been redefined in
the service of various agendas, like being inclusive. My favorite definition of family was articulated by a man named Johnson in an ethics textbook. He defined family as learning to "live separately together." While it sounds like an oxymoron, it attempts to hold both autonomy and community in a kind of well-differentiated tension.
We are all similar and different. We all have similar and different needs. We all bring those needs into the family units in which we participate. When our needs are either not met at all, not met enough on our terms, or just not sufficiently met there will be some kind of emotion generated within us. The purest picture of this is infancy. When their needs are not met they scream (baby rage). One might interpret those nonverbal utterances as, "Quick! Get over here, figure out what I presently need and provide!"
Failure to get our needs met as human beings may throw us into a survival mode. We may cease to thrive and begin to just survive. When that happens we may begin to see a progression of three continuums activated in the lives of those involved. First, they may emotionally manifest either something between annoyed and enraged or disappointed and depressed. Depending on whether their tendency is to turn those feelings inward or outward, the ability to esteem self or other may take a hit.
Second, if there is no response to those reactions, it begs an answer to the question, "If my needs are not being met, who is responsible for that failure?" Those involved may find themselves somewhere between damaged to destroyed trust in self or other to responsibly get those needs met. Depending on the perceived answer, the focus of the anger may be determined.
Third, if this goes on too acutely or chronically, the one involved may fall on a third continuum, somewhere between suspicious and paranoid. Articulated it might sound something like, "I am angry and suspicious; I no longer trust anyone to care enough to even try to meet my needs." Destruction of trust is a powerful entity in either an individual or community.
We see examples of this every week in our society and around the world. That is part of the reason for the political tug-of-war over the vast resources of this world. Although much of it is motivated by a desire for wealth and power, some recognize that without their needs met vast populations are left either in despair, helpless and powerless to effect any change, or enraged and engaged in effecting whatever change they perceive may be necessary to get their needs met.
In healthy families everybody's needs are important in order that everyone has an opportunity to thrive. We all know that is an ideal but often not an accurate reflection of the reality. We cannot change the whole world but we can try to live with a conscious intentional mindset of being aware of more than just our own needs. We can practice healthy self-care while attending to the needs of others around us in our communities.
It will always be a challenge to live well in that tension. How blessed we are if we can even engage that challenge because we are thriving well enough to not just be focusing everyday on surviving! Many of our charitable organizations that give so generously to societal and world communities are struggling to continue to do so. I hope we will all be mindful to be grateful because we have been graciously blessed and give generously this year!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"Needs, Anyone?"
One of the basic building blocks of society is the family. Across the years it has been redefined in
the service of various agendas, like being inclusive. My favorite definition of family was articulated by a man named Johnson in an ethics textbook. He defined family as learning to "live separately together." While it sounds like an oxymoron, it attempts to hold both autonomy and community in a kind of well-differentiated tension.
We are all similar and different. We all have similar and different needs. We all bring those needs into the family units in which we participate. When our needs are either not met at all, not met enough on our terms, or just not sufficiently met there will be some kind of emotion generated within us. The purest picture of this is infancy. When their needs are not met they scream (baby rage). One might interpret those nonverbal utterances as, "Quick! Get over here, figure out what I presently need and provide!"
Failure to get our needs met as human beings may throw us into a survival mode. We may cease to thrive and begin to just survive. When that happens we may begin to see a progression of three continuums activated in the lives of those involved. First, they may emotionally manifest either something between annoyed and enraged or disappointed and depressed. Depending on whether their tendency is to turn those feelings inward or outward, the ability to esteem self or other may take a hit.
Second, if there is no response to those reactions, it begs an answer to the question, "If my needs are not being met, who is responsible for that failure?" Those involved may find themselves somewhere between damaged to destroyed trust in self or other to responsibly get those needs met. Depending on the perceived answer, the focus of the anger may be determined.
Third, if this goes on too acutely or chronically, the one involved may fall on a third continuum, somewhere between suspicious and paranoid. Articulated it might sound something like, "I am angry and suspicious; I no longer trust anyone to care enough to even try to meet my needs." Destruction of trust is a powerful entity in either an individual or community.
We see examples of this every week in our society and around the world. That is part of the reason for the political tug-of-war over the vast resources of this world. Although much of it is motivated by a desire for wealth and power, some recognize that without their needs met vast populations are left either in despair, helpless and powerless to effect any change, or enraged and engaged in effecting whatever change they perceive may be necessary to get their needs met.
In healthy families everybody's needs are important in order that everyone has an opportunity to thrive. We all know that is an ideal but often not an accurate reflection of the reality. We cannot change the whole world but we can try to live with a conscious intentional mindset of being aware of more than just our own needs. We can practice healthy self-care while attending to the needs of others around us in our communities.
It will always be a challenge to live well in that tension. How blessed we are if we can even engage that challenge because we are thriving well enough to not just be focusing everyday on surviving! Many of our charitable organizations that give so generously to societal and world communities are struggling to continue to do so. I hope we will all be mindful to be grateful because we have been graciously blessed and give generously this year!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"BE AWARE!"
Anne Murray's rendition of A Little Good News has been resonating in me this past week, especially in light of world news events. Its main refrain is, "we sure could use a little good news today." The longing for good news is powerful in modern times. Many have given up on hearing much of it in local, national or international broadcasts and refuse to even tune in, "It's too depressing!" And yet, the longing seems insatiable. Perhaps it is part of the human condition to long to be reminded of our "nobility," that we exist for so much more than we often witness in ourselves and others.
In my lifetime this longing has been immortalized in the artwork of Norman Rockwell, whose prints captured those precious everyday moments, the stuff memories are made of in our personal lives. As well, we have been warmed by Kodak's "priceless" commercials over the years. Having seen them or not often became a topic of conversation over coffee or around the office water cooler. Presently, we smile listening to stories of pay-it-forward actions by random citizens. How quickly others jump in and participate in an opportunity to be a part of something good. The longing is to hear how long such goodness was sustainable before it came to an end that time.
The longing to see the best in/of humanity is powerful. We long to be reminded that in the face of so many examples of the dark side of humanity, we can still hope to see genuine goodness. We long to see it all around us, in positive proactive situations as well as negative. We are deeply moved by stories of heroism in the face of present day crises. While we stand in awe of such courage and action we silently wish we had witnessed it under different circumstances.
It is interesting that Rockwell, Kodak, even Murray's song point toward finding what one person recently referred to as "the extraordinary in the ordinary." It is often in those little unrehearsed moments of life that we catch the purest glimpses of the extraordinary. I have become increasingly aware of this and have started to be more consciously aware of those glorious moments. I don't want to miss them! Those moments ground us in what is really important and noteworthy. They pull our focus away from all our busyness toward our being.
In my life it has been only as I have gazed upon the goodness of One that I have been transformed from the core of my being. Our focus shapes and defines us more than we realize. We want to believe that it does not matter what we engage, think about or focus on, as if it cannot "slip in" and become a part of our being. Have you ever noticed how we follow our focus? Think about driving--where were you taught to focus in order to steer correctly toward your desired destination?
Re-visioning exercises are usually for the purpose of re-focusing in order to reach some desired goal, objective or destination. More and more I am hearing about these kinds of activities at multiple levels in the world. It is as if we are realizing how off track we have become. The world is trying to re-focus regarding climate predictions, world health, governments, businesses, the markets,
communities, educational institutions and so forth.
Re-focusing and re-visioning are not limited to organizational structures. Sometimes we need to engage personally in such exercises. It is good to be reminded of who we are and who we want to be, our self-definitions, before outlining the appropriate focus to follow. How about you? Are you engaged in such an exercise in your life? Who are you? Where do you hope to end up?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"BE AWARE!"
Anne Murray's rendition of A Little Good News has been resonating in me this past week, especially in light of world news events. Its main refrain is, "we sure could use a little good news today." The longing for good news is powerful in modern times. Many have given up on hearing much of it in local, national or international broadcasts and refuse to even tune in, "It's too depressing!" And yet, the longing seems insatiable. Perhaps it is part of the human condition to long to be reminded of our "nobility," that we exist for so much more than we often witness in ourselves and others.
In my lifetime this longing has been immortalized in the artwork of Norman Rockwell, whose prints captured those precious everyday moments, the stuff memories are made of in our personal lives. As well, we have been warmed by Kodak's "priceless" commercials over the years. Having seen them or not often became a topic of conversation over coffee or around the office water cooler. Presently, we smile listening to stories of pay-it-forward actions by random citizens. How quickly others jump in and participate in an opportunity to be a part of something good. The longing is to hear how long such goodness was sustainable before it came to an end that time.
The longing to see the best in/of humanity is powerful. We long to be reminded that in the face of so many examples of the dark side of humanity, we can still hope to see genuine goodness. We long to see it all around us, in positive proactive situations as well as negative. We are deeply moved by stories of heroism in the face of present day crises. While we stand in awe of such courage and action we silently wish we had witnessed it under different circumstances.
It is interesting that Rockwell, Kodak, even Murray's song point toward finding what one person recently referred to as "the extraordinary in the ordinary." It is often in those little unrehearsed moments of life that we catch the purest glimpses of the extraordinary. I have become increasingly aware of this and have started to be more consciously aware of those glorious moments. I don't want to miss them! Those moments ground us in what is really important and noteworthy. They pull our focus away from all our busyness toward our being.
In my life it has been only as I have gazed upon the goodness of One that I have been transformed from the core of my being. Our focus shapes and defines us more than we realize. We want to believe that it does not matter what we engage, think about or focus on, as if it cannot "slip in" and become a part of our being. Have you ever noticed how we follow our focus? Think about driving--where were you taught to focus in order to steer correctly toward your desired destination?
Re-visioning exercises are usually for the purpose of re-focusing in order to reach some desired goal, objective or destination. More and more I am hearing about these kinds of activities at multiple levels in the world. It is as if we are realizing how off track we have become. The world is trying to re-focus regarding climate predictions, world health, governments, businesses, the markets,
communities, educational institutions and so forth.
Re-focusing and re-visioning are not limited to organizational structures. Sometimes we need to engage personally in such exercises. It is good to be reminded of who we are and who we want to be, our self-definitions, before outlining the appropriate focus to follow. How about you? Are you engaged in such an exercise in your life? Who are you? Where do you hope to end up?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"CONNECTING THE DOTS"
Children often enjoy working on connect-the-dot pictures. Perhaps it is more accurate to say children used to enjoy that activity. So much has changed in modern times, with the help of technology that
children can now create and participate in intricate virtual play even before attending school. It is amazing to watch what they are capable of doing with all the electronic equipment at their disposal. We all know there are both benefits and concerns regarding children and adolescents and technology.
Even if we never particularly enjoyed connect-the-dot pictures we all participate in creating pictures, real or perceived, by virtue of how we piece together bits of information or sensory data. Sometimes we create accurate pictures of reality and sometimes we do not. If nothing else, perhaps what we have created is an accurate picture of something from our own internal worlds. Perceived reality has consequences, accurate or otherwise.
We love being in control of the pictures we create by piecing together these bits or by selectively and "accurately" connecting the dots that reinforce our desires, longings, fears, threats, conclusions, etc. It is often a form of internalized self-validation. We just "know" that is the way it is, all the while failing to collect the information pertinent to creating some semblance of a picture closer to reality based on verifiable data. It is like science being based solely on a hunch rather than empirically verifiable hypotheses, testing and clinical trials that lead to some kind of conclusion.
So often in life how we choose to connect or not connect dots only becomes clearer in hindsight. Sometimes we connect dots and we should not have. Other times we fail to connect dots when it would have been more beneficial to have done so. It can be difficult not to jump to conclusions. That would require us to hold our hypotheses loosely, in a non-anxious posture regarding the need to know the final conclusion, while awaiting verification through additional information, time, etc.
Patience while waiting is hard at the best of times. It is even more difficult if one has been actively waiting a long time. Watch children who either refuse to wait or have been actively awaiting the fulfillment of a promise for some time. They often reach the limit of their ability to wait and change course. It is easy to lose heart, get weary and resolve the matter by simply giving up or taking some form of drastic action that forces the situation to come to some sort of a head toward "resolve." We are a world that longs for immediacy on so many levels. Practicing delayed gratification in sincere appreciation and grace stretches one. It is a building block of developing character.
Sometimes in our own patience or impatience we encourage others to follow our verbalized or modeled resolution patterns. We model connecting dots, drawing conclusions, delayed gratification, patience or impatience, etc. We all model a way of doing ourselves in relation to the rest of life. Are we content with the way we are approaching that challenge? Have we become complacent? Where are we being challenged to develop character as we move through the seasons of our lives?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"CONNECTING THE DOTS"
Children often enjoy working on connect-the-dot pictures. Perhaps it is more accurate to say children used to enjoy that activity. So much has changed in modern times, with the help of technology that
children can now create and participate in intricate virtual play even before attending school. It is amazing to watch what they are capable of doing with all the electronic equipment at their disposal. We all know there are both benefits and concerns regarding children and adolescents and technology.
Even if we never particularly enjoyed connect-the-dot pictures we all participate in creating pictures, real or perceived, by virtue of how we piece together bits of information or sensory data. Sometimes we create accurate pictures of reality and sometimes we do not. If nothing else, perhaps what we have created is an accurate picture of something from our own internal worlds. Perceived reality has consequences, accurate or otherwise.
We love being in control of the pictures we create by piecing together these bits or by selectively and "accurately" connecting the dots that reinforce our desires, longings, fears, threats, conclusions, etc. It is often a form of internalized self-validation. We just "know" that is the way it is, all the while failing to collect the information pertinent to creating some semblance of a picture closer to reality based on verifiable data. It is like science being based solely on a hunch rather than empirically verifiable hypotheses, testing and clinical trials that lead to some kind of conclusion.
So often in life how we choose to connect or not connect dots only becomes clearer in hindsight. Sometimes we connect dots and we should not have. Other times we fail to connect dots when it would have been more beneficial to have done so. It can be difficult not to jump to conclusions. That would require us to hold our hypotheses loosely, in a non-anxious posture regarding the need to know the final conclusion, while awaiting verification through additional information, time, etc.
Patience while waiting is hard at the best of times. It is even more difficult if one has been actively waiting a long time. Watch children who either refuse to wait or have been actively awaiting the fulfillment of a promise for some time. They often reach the limit of their ability to wait and change course. It is easy to lose heart, get weary and resolve the matter by simply giving up or taking some form of drastic action that forces the situation to come to some sort of a head toward "resolve." We are a world that longs for immediacy on so many levels. Practicing delayed gratification in sincere appreciation and grace stretches one. It is a building block of developing character.
Sometimes in our own patience or impatience we encourage others to follow our verbalized or modeled resolution patterns. We model connecting dots, drawing conclusions, delayed gratification, patience or impatience, etc. We all model a way of doing ourselves in relation to the rest of life. Are we content with the way we are approaching that challenge? Have we become complacent? Where are we being challenged to develop character as we move through the seasons of our lives?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"Boundaries Or Breaking Points"
I love watching sporting events. We often forget that from a spectator's perspective the game looks very different than from the field perspective of the players. Armchair coaches and commentators have the advantage of the bird's eye, or blimp, perspective. That often explains our frustration with players and coaches. What needed to be done looks so clear from our perspective; why didn't they see or anticipate the same and execute accordingly?
The same is true on so many levels in life. It is easy to comment or stand in judgment from a
spectator's perspective. It is so much harder to be "on the field" or "in the arena," in the thick of whatever situation trying to make accurate judgment calls and predict outcomes. That is not to say that we should not be spectators or that we should not have our own perspectives. It is just a good reminder to all of us to realize we are not "in their shoes." Who knows what we would really find ourselves doing if we were or if we were them?
We all have our comfort zones. Most of us do not like crossing those boundaries toward life outside of those zones. Some people throw up walls as if there is no life across those boundary lines. Or, they believe that even if there is life "out there" if cannot possibly be right, justifiable, normal or healthy. But what if life across those boundaries, or outside those walls, is all that another human being has ever known? What if it is their norm? Now, what? They are just wrong, abnormal or unhealthy?
Sometimes the people we learn the most from are those that are different from ourselves. They have so much to offer us if we can tolerate those differences long enough to consider what they offer. That does not mean we are going to jump the fence or be tainted by listening or entering into the dialogue. Those responses may be more of an indication of our own insecurities or anxieties around difference.
Perhaps it is an indication of our own vulnerabilities to outside influences.
Such engagement often tests the limits of our securities, reveals the true nature of our vulnerabilities and puts the spotlight on our existing anxieties. That in itself may present a growing experience rich in possibilities not based on embracing what they offer as much as a deeper understanding of oneself!
Having said all of this, it is important to realize that we all have our paradigms or filters through which we view life. We all have our morals and standards, our ethical school biases, our norms and our "normalized" norms, even if we are unaware or unable to accurately articulate them.
Are the boundaries of our comfort zones really healthy boundaries or indications of our breaking points based on our human and personal limitations? We all make choices conscious and otherwise regarding what we will do within and with what lies outside of our present comfort zones. What have you chosen to do historically? Are you still comfortable with that chosen path? If not, how would you like to change your strategy?
Increasingly, the challenges before us are multifaceted. Global situations are inviting us to either withdraw or engage at deeper levels than ever before. In order to do so we need to grow in our understanding of ourselves, others and the world. This includes a deeper understanding of the paradigms out of which we have chosen to live. It includes a deeper understanding of both our boundaries and our "breaking points."
In the arena of sports I love watching players passionately pursue a course of action or direction only to break right or left at a decisive moment and create a new pathway toward the intended goal. It often brings us to our feet cheering, or in complaint. Sometimes in life we need to do the same thing in order to get to the intended goal. This often implies steep learning curves, confronting our fears and embracing our dignity and freedom.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"Boundaries Or Breaking Points"
I love watching sporting events. We often forget that from a spectator's perspective the game looks very different than from the field perspective of the players. Armchair coaches and commentators have the advantage of the bird's eye, or blimp, perspective. That often explains our frustration with players and coaches. What needed to be done looks so clear from our perspective; why didn't they see or anticipate the same and execute accordingly?
The same is true on so many levels in life. It is easy to comment or stand in judgment from a
spectator's perspective. It is so much harder to be "on the field" or "in the arena," in the thick of whatever situation trying to make accurate judgment calls and predict outcomes. That is not to say that we should not be spectators or that we should not have our own perspectives. It is just a good reminder to all of us to realize we are not "in their shoes." Who knows what we would really find ourselves doing if we were or if we were them?
We all have our comfort zones. Most of us do not like crossing those boundaries toward life outside of those zones. Some people throw up walls as if there is no life across those boundary lines. Or, they believe that even if there is life "out there" if cannot possibly be right, justifiable, normal or healthy. But what if life across those boundaries, or outside those walls, is all that another human being has ever known? What if it is their norm? Now, what? They are just wrong, abnormal or unhealthy?
Sometimes the people we learn the most from are those that are different from ourselves. They have so much to offer us if we can tolerate those differences long enough to consider what they offer. That does not mean we are going to jump the fence or be tainted by listening or entering into the dialogue. Those responses may be more of an indication of our own insecurities or anxieties around difference.
Perhaps it is an indication of our own vulnerabilities to outside influences.
Such engagement often tests the limits of our securities, reveals the true nature of our vulnerabilities and puts the spotlight on our existing anxieties. That in itself may present a growing experience rich in possibilities not based on embracing what they offer as much as a deeper understanding of oneself!
Having said all of this, it is important to realize that we all have our paradigms or filters through which we view life. We all have our morals and standards, our ethical school biases, our norms and our "normalized" norms, even if we are unaware or unable to accurately articulate them.
Are the boundaries of our comfort zones really healthy boundaries or indications of our breaking points based on our human and personal limitations? We all make choices conscious and otherwise regarding what we will do within and with what lies outside of our present comfort zones. What have you chosen to do historically? Are you still comfortable with that chosen path? If not, how would you like to change your strategy?
Increasingly, the challenges before us are multifaceted. Global situations are inviting us to either withdraw or engage at deeper levels than ever before. In order to do so we need to grow in our understanding of ourselves, others and the world. This includes a deeper understanding of the paradigms out of which we have chosen to live. It includes a deeper understanding of both our boundaries and our "breaking points."
In the arena of sports I love watching players passionately pursue a course of action or direction only to break right or left at a decisive moment and create a new pathway toward the intended goal. It often brings us to our feet cheering, or in complaint. Sometimes in life we need to do the same thing in order to get to the intended goal. This often implies steep learning curves, confronting our fears and embracing our dignity and freedom.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"LANGUAGES WITHIN BOXING ARENAS"
As human beings we have all been conditioned in multiple contexts. At times there may be such a mixture of defining contexts that it takes years to come to a realization of the multifaceted nature of our conditioning influences, let alone the intersecting nature of them. It often resembles a Venn diagram from set theory (Set A intersects with Set B and forms Set C) in the field of mathematics.
Think about how convoluted and innovative that becomes when you have multiple or an infinite number of sets intersecting.
We are often unaware or unconditioned to recognize how many conditioned languages we speak out of these defining contexts. I will never forget being asked to proof read a doctoral dissertation as a "critical friend" in an academic process. It took hours for me to complete because I decided to do so by identifying the various language bases through which I was going to read it and comment on it by color-coding my responses with various colors of ink: as a woman, as a therapist, as a theologian, etc. I was shocked at the response of the student who did not appreciate the importance of language grids on our understanding of any given piece of work.
Have you ever been a part of a choral group so proficient at singing harmonic parts that when they are all blended a new part arises out of the blend that defies definition by virtue of the blend alone? It is uncanny to be a part of such a process and usually take a master conductor to pull it off well. It is somewhat illusive and mysterious. I have heard many try to explain its existence away in one fashion or another. It is as if they are unaware or cannot tolerate from a nonanxious posture why such might actually exist in the realm of wave theory.
I refer here to examples from the fields of mathematics and music because they are what I would call universal languages. No matter where you go 4 is 4 and middle C is middle C even if they are called by other names in other language bases or contexts. The same is true in many fields of science, like physics, medicine, etc. If it were not true that there are universal constants expressed in universal languages, how would scientists share their findings or collaborate in research? How would composers translate across language and cultural bases?
I would submit that this is not only true in one realm of life, like the hard sciences. I believe it is also true on the side of the soft sciences and existential disciplines. For example, I believe there are universal, if not eternal principles that one will never break, they will only be broken against them.
I have been trying to empirically observe the outworking of this foundational belief for decades. It is an interesting and dynamic field in which one must be comfortable allowing the mysterious to exist and be able to embrace it without always needing to explain or resolve it. Such a need will only limit one's ability to learn from that which is truly mysterious and unexplainable.
We are most comfortable with that which we can understand and tangibly grasp, those entities that are within the box of our comfort zones. Comfort zones, apart from or even based on biogenetics, are powerfully conditioned/conditioning entities. We are often uncomfortable with anything outside the box of our understanding. It creates anxieties within us. It limits our abilities to explore and learn, to be innovative while still holding on to the constants of life.
We stumble over language barriers and comfort zones more than we realize. That which is truly mysterious, truly outside the boxes of our understanding and comfort zones create anxieties within us. We all have a tendency to "box," compartmentalize, life in order to feel more secure. When you couple different language bases and comfort zones one begins to realize why there is so debate, defensiveness and sparring within the arenas of our lives!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"LANGUAGES WITHIN BOXING ARENAS"
As human beings we have all been conditioned in multiple contexts. At times there may be such a mixture of defining contexts that it takes years to come to a realization of the multifaceted nature of our conditioning influences, let alone the intersecting nature of them. It often resembles a Venn diagram from set theory (Set A intersects with Set B and forms Set C) in the field of mathematics.
Think about how convoluted and innovative that becomes when you have multiple or an infinite number of sets intersecting.
We are often unaware or unconditioned to recognize how many conditioned languages we speak out of these defining contexts. I will never forget being asked to proof read a doctoral dissertation as a "critical friend" in an academic process. It took hours for me to complete because I decided to do so by identifying the various language bases through which I was going to read it and comment on it by color-coding my responses with various colors of ink: as a woman, as a therapist, as a theologian, etc. I was shocked at the response of the student who did not appreciate the importance of language grids on our understanding of any given piece of work.
Have you ever been a part of a choral group so proficient at singing harmonic parts that when they are all blended a new part arises out of the blend that defies definition by virtue of the blend alone? It is uncanny to be a part of such a process and usually take a master conductor to pull it off well. It is somewhat illusive and mysterious. I have heard many try to explain its existence away in one fashion or another. It is as if they are unaware or cannot tolerate from a nonanxious posture why such might actually exist in the realm of wave theory.
I refer here to examples from the fields of mathematics and music because they are what I would call universal languages. No matter where you go 4 is 4 and middle C is middle C even if they are called by other names in other language bases or contexts. The same is true in many fields of science, like physics, medicine, etc. If it were not true that there are universal constants expressed in universal languages, how would scientists share their findings or collaborate in research? How would composers translate across language and cultural bases?
I would submit that this is not only true in one realm of life, like the hard sciences. I believe it is also true on the side of the soft sciences and existential disciplines. For example, I believe there are universal, if not eternal principles that one will never break, they will only be broken against them.
I have been trying to empirically observe the outworking of this foundational belief for decades. It is an interesting and dynamic field in which one must be comfortable allowing the mysterious to exist and be able to embrace it without always needing to explain or resolve it. Such a need will only limit one's ability to learn from that which is truly mysterious and unexplainable.
We are most comfortable with that which we can understand and tangibly grasp, those entities that are within the box of our comfort zones. Comfort zones, apart from or even based on biogenetics, are powerfully conditioned/conditioning entities. We are often uncomfortable with anything outside the box of our understanding. It creates anxieties within us. It limits our abilities to explore and learn, to be innovative while still holding on to the constants of life.
We stumble over language barriers and comfort zones more than we realize. That which is truly mysterious, truly outside the boxes of our understanding and comfort zones create anxieties within us. We all have a tendency to "box," compartmentalize, life in order to feel more secure. When you couple different language bases and comfort zones one begins to realize why there is so debate, defensiveness and sparring within the arenas of our lives!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, October 2, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"CERTAINTY IN AN UNCERTAIN WORLD"
A couple of events recently have prompted this blog about how to live with some kind of certainty in an increasingly uncertain world. In addition, how do parents raise children in that same milieu. I have heard two educators refer to the rise of anxiety in their students this fall. What do we need to consider in putting together our own plan for ourselves and our children that allows us to hold that tension between what is certain and what is uncertain?
We as adults need to figure out how to navigate life with all its uncertainties. One of the concerns nearest to our hearts and often the most powerful in our lives is the well-being of our children. When they are not doing well it is an effect of natural affection and parental instinct to carry them on the front or back burners of our hearts, which is often determined by our own perception of where their struggles fall on a continuum of warranted concern. It is good and healthy for our children to struggle in some ways and not in others. Do we know the difference?
We need to be parents who know how to live out having "a watchful eye" over them without generating increased levels of anxiety in them, even nonverbally. We know for a fact that children will just naturally take their cues of concern from their parents verbal and nonverbal communication. So it is important that we consciously and intentionally monitor our own awareness of what we might be communicating to them on any given day or in any given situation. Then, being aware of our own propensities out of our own issues, we need to teach and model for our children what we hope is a successful plan to develop healthy skill sets in them while still working on our own.
There are several principles we need to consider. First, try to be age and developmentally appropriate in terms of what each of your children are exposed to. They are all different and at different stages of development. They each have their own biogenetics, personality constructs, life experiences, birth order tendencies and so forth. One of the ways we "miss" children is through formulaic parenting. We need to make it a priority to know each of our children individually so we can effectively meet those nurturance needs. I call it preplanned parenthood; it has a strong preventative component.
Second, we need to be that safe harbor or pit stop (as adolescents) where they can come and access all the resources we have to offer them, internalize those resources and go back out into their worlds to practice mastery of self and the development of their own unique skill sets. Most parents would like to believe that just the fact that they possess some kind of love for their children means they are experienced as safe by all their children. That is not necessarily the case. This is why we need to know each of our children.
Third, we need to love them in ways that are healthy, developmentally appropriate and that reflect both who we uniquely are as well as who they uniquely are, according to their nurturance needs and love receptors. We need to be their biggest cheerleaders as they walk out our doors into their daily routines. We do not, however, want to teach them or condition them toward entitlement or that their worlds will always cater to them; we do this by not doing it in our homes out of a healthy sense of what they need developmentally. They still need to learn to live in this world.
Fourth, we need to be other-centered parents. At this point I would love to ask about our reasons for having children. I believe the choice to have children is a choice to invest in the lives of the next generation for their good. That is an amazingly gratifying and demanding experience. It is hard work. The best legacy many of us will leave this world are the kind of citizens we have invested in leaving to carry on long after we are gone. Having said all of this, I realize that many children in this world were not the conscious intentional choice of a healthy adult longing to invest in such a legacy.
We cannot control or change the increasing uncertainties of this world on so many levels. We can, however, do everything within our power to let our children know they have parents who love and accept them as unconditionally as we are capable of and who are willing to be there for them for as long as we can. Hopefully they will be able to internalize some measure of that and learn to be strong, self-respecting selves who can love and access the nurture they need to meet the challenges on a day to day basis. I hope they can be certain of their authentic selves and parental love as they walk out into that uncertain world.
One of the glaring issues this blog generates is the issue of not having had that kind of conditioning world for oneself before having your own children who are putting the spot light, without knowing it, on all those deficits in your own conditioning, etc. This, however, is focused more on children; so we will save that for another day. We are not without resources for filling those nurturance needs in our own lives while raising our children.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"CERTAINTY IN AN UNCERTAIN WORLD"
A couple of events recently have prompted this blog about how to live with some kind of certainty in an increasingly uncertain world. In addition, how do parents raise children in that same milieu. I have heard two educators refer to the rise of anxiety in their students this fall. What do we need to consider in putting together our own plan for ourselves and our children that allows us to hold that tension between what is certain and what is uncertain?
We as adults need to figure out how to navigate life with all its uncertainties. One of the concerns nearest to our hearts and often the most powerful in our lives is the well-being of our children. When they are not doing well it is an effect of natural affection and parental instinct to carry them on the front or back burners of our hearts, which is often determined by our own perception of where their struggles fall on a continuum of warranted concern. It is good and healthy for our children to struggle in some ways and not in others. Do we know the difference?
We need to be parents who know how to live out having "a watchful eye" over them without generating increased levels of anxiety in them, even nonverbally. We know for a fact that children will just naturally take their cues of concern from their parents verbal and nonverbal communication. So it is important that we consciously and intentionally monitor our own awareness of what we might be communicating to them on any given day or in any given situation. Then, being aware of our own propensities out of our own issues, we need to teach and model for our children what we hope is a successful plan to develop healthy skill sets in them while still working on our own.
There are several principles we need to consider. First, try to be age and developmentally appropriate in terms of what each of your children are exposed to. They are all different and at different stages of development. They each have their own biogenetics, personality constructs, life experiences, birth order tendencies and so forth. One of the ways we "miss" children is through formulaic parenting. We need to make it a priority to know each of our children individually so we can effectively meet those nurturance needs. I call it preplanned parenthood; it has a strong preventative component.
Second, we need to be that safe harbor or pit stop (as adolescents) where they can come and access all the resources we have to offer them, internalize those resources and go back out into their worlds to practice mastery of self and the development of their own unique skill sets. Most parents would like to believe that just the fact that they possess some kind of love for their children means they are experienced as safe by all their children. That is not necessarily the case. This is why we need to know each of our children.
Third, we need to love them in ways that are healthy, developmentally appropriate and that reflect both who we uniquely are as well as who they uniquely are, according to their nurturance needs and love receptors. We need to be their biggest cheerleaders as they walk out our doors into their daily routines. We do not, however, want to teach them or condition them toward entitlement or that their worlds will always cater to them; we do this by not doing it in our homes out of a healthy sense of what they need developmentally. They still need to learn to live in this world.
Fourth, we need to be other-centered parents. At this point I would love to ask about our reasons for having children. I believe the choice to have children is a choice to invest in the lives of the next generation for their good. That is an amazingly gratifying and demanding experience. It is hard work. The best legacy many of us will leave this world are the kind of citizens we have invested in leaving to carry on long after we are gone. Having said all of this, I realize that many children in this world were not the conscious intentional choice of a healthy adult longing to invest in such a legacy.
We cannot control or change the increasing uncertainties of this world on so many levels. We can, however, do everything within our power to let our children know they have parents who love and accept them as unconditionally as we are capable of and who are willing to be there for them for as long as we can. Hopefully they will be able to internalize some measure of that and learn to be strong, self-respecting selves who can love and access the nurture they need to meet the challenges on a day to day basis. I hope they can be certain of their authentic selves and parental love as they walk out into that uncertain world.
One of the glaring issues this blog generates is the issue of not having had that kind of conditioning world for oneself before having your own children who are putting the spot light, without knowing it, on all those deficits in your own conditioning, etc. This, however, is focused more on children; so we will save that for another day. We are not without resources for filling those nurturance needs in our own lives while raising our children.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"PREEMPTIVE INTERVENTIONS"
Last night the United States launched preemptive airstrikes against ISIS in Syria. The world is reeling with conflict; daily we hear about wars and rumors of wars around the world. There will be much controversy around the coalition's strikes last night. There are always questions regarding whether or not any chosen solution is in fact the best way to try to stop, hold in check or settle a volatile situation.
Interventions are considered, debated and employed every day in a variety of situations. Parents, families, schools, businesses, mental health programs and agencies, legal and judicial systems, societies around the world, religious organizations, health organizations and those worldwide entities like the UN or World Health Organization are engaged in interventions every day. The objective is to intervene in order to actualize some desired outcome.
One of the principles behind such attempts is like that of chaos theory: if you interject just the right amount of chaos into an already chaotic situation it may calm the entire system down. We see this illustrated in chemical interactions, in physics and nuclear science, when the fire department sets a back fire to stop a progressing fire and we see it in various therapies in physical, emotional and mental wellness.
Interventions may be good. They may not be good. They may be questionable. They may appear good in the immediate but fail to produce that same good in the big picture or in the long run. They are highly debated, even controversial. What can we say for certain? They are attempts to stop, hold in check or limit some undesired pattern or outcome.
Not all interventions find their origin in the efforts of mankind. Nature often produces interventions in both adaptive and maladaptive forms. Why? I think sometimes the natural realm is trying to re-establish some kind of stasis within itself and its systems when they are thrown out of balance; a constructive attempt to reconstruct a workable, balanced system. On the other extreme, we see viruses mutating in order to survive the onslaught of chemicals that would annihilate their existence; which can often produce an even more destructive or deadly virus than the original one.
In the whole realm of innovation and technology we are constantly trying to correct actual or anticipated problems by creating what we hope will be creative and beneficial solutions. This is one of the goals of research in various fields of endeavor. There will always be those who pervert any attempted good produced through research and development.
Our legal and judicial systems work hard every day to intervene in the best ways described and prescribed by law to stop, check, intervene in situations and attempt solutions that will bring some kind order in society. Again, we all know that it will never be perfect and there will always be those who work and pervert any system mankind attempts.
Is there any way we can know for sure that intervention is a good philosophy over against natural processes just simply playing out, like survival of the fittest in nature? As a philosophy of problem solving, restoration, reclamation or redemption, I believe it has veracity. In other words, as a corrective or positive, proactive, constructive attempt at solutions, I believe it has merit. I believe such an approach is as old as time itself.
From the beginning of time intervention was swift, immediate, meant for good and to give hope to those who recognize the deeper predicament of humankind. It is sure! Do you see it? Do you know its out-workings in your own life and situations confronting you every day? What do you believe?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"LIVING IT FORWARD IN HOPE"
So many are talking about how to view and move into the future with a deeply held sense of hope. This is especially true of today's youth. They are unsure about the world and the future they are inheriting from previous generations. This uncertainty generates anxiety, hopelessness, shifts in ideology and philosophies about how to pragmatically live out their day to day lives.
They perceive the world is out of control on so many levels. Civilly, nations are facing huge issues in terms of dealing with the sociological fallout of social media, medical and mental health, the abuse of power and aggression, shifting financial trends and market projections, immigration issues, shifting class structures. An example, medically, is the Ebola crisis in Africa.
On the world stage, we are dealing with nations and populations in crisis due to famine, at war over resources and living under the threat of usurped national boundaries. The rise of terrorism with all its various expressions around the world, especially ISIS, are unnerving. Narcissism has given way to anarchy in some situations and sectors of the world as a political philosophy rather than a recognized pathology.
Climate change with all the natural disasters of the past year: heat waves and droughts, floods, volcanos, earthquakes, water spouts and tornados, hurricanes, landslides and mudslides, huge sink holes are popping up, or maybe I should say "bottoming out" all over. Secondarily to all of this, are the crop failures, the shrinking lakes and reservoirs where drought has occurred, the swelling lakes and rivers where unprecedented rainfall has been experienced. As well, there are dead fish washing on shore, dead birds falling from the sky, the absence of bees, and the increased number of locusts and grasshoppers in other parts of the world.
There is so much going on! We have immediate access to any or all of it through social media. It begs some kind of a response. How do we responsibly live out our lives as world citizens. Many are choosing to not even "be in the know." It is too stressful. Others feel like they have to know in order to be prepared if any of it comes knocking on their door. Still others throw up their hands, shake their heads and walk away, feeling impotent to effect any change. What can we do? Can we do anything to make a difference in our worlds on a day to day basis?
I think we need to be "realistically hopeful." Sound like an oxymoron? It's not! So many think hope is like wishful thinking, "I hope that happens." There are more than one kind of hope. There are existential hopes that no one can take away from you if you are grounded in them.
In my last blog I distinguished between a temporary, "pay it forward" deed of kindness and a "play it forward" commitment based on living out one's ruling passion. I wonder what difference it would make in our worlds this week if we participated in living it forward by telling at least one other person the reason for our hope, temporary or existential.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"LIVING IT FORWARD IN HOPE"
So many are talking about how to view and move into the future with a deeply held sense of hope. This is especially true of today's youth. They are unsure about the world and the future they are inheriting from previous generations. This uncertainty generates anxiety, hopelessness, shifts in ideology and philosophies about how to pragmatically live out their day to day lives.
They perceive the world is out of control on so many levels. Civilly, nations are facing huge issues in terms of dealing with the sociological fallout of social media, medical and mental health, the abuse of power and aggression, shifting financial trends and market projections, immigration issues, shifting class structures. An example, medically, is the Ebola crisis in Africa.
On the world stage, we are dealing with nations and populations in crisis due to famine, at war over resources and living under the threat of usurped national boundaries. The rise of terrorism with all its various expressions around the world, especially ISIS, are unnerving. Narcissism has given way to anarchy in some situations and sectors of the world as a political philosophy rather than a recognized pathology.
Climate change with all the natural disasters of the past year: heat waves and droughts, floods, volcanos, earthquakes, water spouts and tornados, hurricanes, landslides and mudslides, huge sink holes are popping up, or maybe I should say "bottoming out" all over. Secondarily to all of this, are the crop failures, the shrinking lakes and reservoirs where drought has occurred, the swelling lakes and rivers where unprecedented rainfall has been experienced. As well, there are dead fish washing on shore, dead birds falling from the sky, the absence of bees, and the increased number of locusts and grasshoppers in other parts of the world.
There is so much going on! We have immediate access to any or all of it through social media. It begs some kind of a response. How do we responsibly live out our lives as world citizens. Many are choosing to not even "be in the know." It is too stressful. Others feel like they have to know in order to be prepared if any of it comes knocking on their door. Still others throw up their hands, shake their heads and walk away, feeling impotent to effect any change. What can we do? Can we do anything to make a difference in our worlds on a day to day basis?
I think we need to be "realistically hopeful." Sound like an oxymoron? It's not! So many think hope is like wishful thinking, "I hope that happens." There are more than one kind of hope. There are existential hopes that no one can take away from you if you are grounded in them.
In my last blog I distinguished between a temporary, "pay it forward" deed of kindness and a "play it forward" commitment based on living out one's ruling passion. I wonder what difference it would make in our worlds this week if we participated in living it forward by telling at least one other person the reason for our hope, temporary or existential.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"PLAYING IT FORWARD CHALLENGE"
We often hear stories about someone paying for someone else's coffee or donut going through a drive-in window and starting a short-term trend. In some cities it has caught on like a competition to see where they can log the most consecutive deeds of paying it forward. I smile when I hear about such a break out of goodness and am always curious about how long any one endeavor can last before someone breaks the chain.
Everyone knows such events are temporary and will only last a short time; and yet, we long for their reassurance that kindness is still alive and well out there. I watch as others listen with anticipation regarding how long such a run of goodness will last. I listen to the sighs when it is announced that it has come to an end for another day.
When I was a young teen I heard a woman teach about the potential of a life dedicated to doing good, no matter the cost and without compromise. So what would happen if we decided to not just pay it forward but "play it forward?" We need a tee-shirt that says on the front, "Don't just pay it forward . . ." and on the back, "play it forward!"
I would love to challenge the youth of today to "play it forward." They are inheriting a world and a future fraught with multiple challenges on multiple levels. How will they "play it?" We need young people who are energized by ideologies committed to impacting the world for good. They are not always going to agree on what that is or what it looks like. If everyone just gives up and resigns themselves to indifference and impotence we are in real trouble. Why?
Have you ever noticed you do not have to nurture weeds? They survive all by themselves. Have you ever noticed you do not have to teach a child to be selfish? We teach them to share. Perhaps goodness, like sharing, is something we have to consciously, intentionally nurture in ourselves and in this world in every generation. We can't do everything but we can do something!
One of the greatest fears I hear about committing to doing good, even if only in one's own corner of the world, is that "nice guys finish last." Is life a competition? While it is true that there will always be people who take advantage of other's goodness for their own selfish ends, that does not predicate that the value of such an act is determined by what other's do as a result of the act itself.
One of the other deterrents I hear is, "I'll do it if you do!" We shoulder check when it comes to the responsibility of doing something we either do not want to do or where we fear we may be the only one required to do whatever it is while others do not have to. Sometimes this is about doing something that goes against the natural grain in ourselves. We can come up with a hundred reasons or excuses not to do something.
If we really want to live feeling good about living in such a manner then we need to figure out how to align our inner and outer worlds. That is where so much of the conflict arises. In other words, can we do a good deed for a genuinely good reason? Can we participate in the "right" we embrace for a "right" reason? Can we authentically speak truth? Can we bring that kind of congruence and integrity to the way we choose to live out our lives?
When we look inside of ourselves we may be able to pull it off to certain degree or for a certain period of time and then we all bump into the fact that we are all limited, finite human beings. So then what? Is it possible to look outside ourselves for either the ideology or strength to somehow rise above such limitations? I would suggest it is! Look at the historic examples, like Mother Theresa.
The "ice bucket" challenge requires little of us for a brief period of time and yet it is for a good cause and capable of contributing toward a much greater good. What if we seriously considered starting a pay it forward challenge somewhere in our lives this fall? What if we decided to really think about our lives and what it is that is our ruling passion and to commit ourselves to that for a season, or a lifetime? What if we took the "play it forward" challenge?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"PLAYING IT FORWARD CHALLENGE"
We often hear stories about someone paying for someone else's coffee or donut going through a drive-in window and starting a short-term trend. In some cities it has caught on like a competition to see where they can log the most consecutive deeds of paying it forward. I smile when I hear about such a break out of goodness and am always curious about how long any one endeavor can last before someone breaks the chain.
Everyone knows such events are temporary and will only last a short time; and yet, we long for their reassurance that kindness is still alive and well out there. I watch as others listen with anticipation regarding how long such a run of goodness will last. I listen to the sighs when it is announced that it has come to an end for another day.
When I was a young teen I heard a woman teach about the potential of a life dedicated to doing good, no matter the cost and without compromise. So what would happen if we decided to not just pay it forward but "play it forward?" We need a tee-shirt that says on the front, "Don't just pay it forward . . ." and on the back, "play it forward!"
I would love to challenge the youth of today to "play it forward." They are inheriting a world and a future fraught with multiple challenges on multiple levels. How will they "play it?" We need young people who are energized by ideologies committed to impacting the world for good. They are not always going to agree on what that is or what it looks like. If everyone just gives up and resigns themselves to indifference and impotence we are in real trouble. Why?
Have you ever noticed you do not have to nurture weeds? They survive all by themselves. Have you ever noticed you do not have to teach a child to be selfish? We teach them to share. Perhaps goodness, like sharing, is something we have to consciously, intentionally nurture in ourselves and in this world in every generation. We can't do everything but we can do something!
One of the greatest fears I hear about committing to doing good, even if only in one's own corner of the world, is that "nice guys finish last." Is life a competition? While it is true that there will always be people who take advantage of other's goodness for their own selfish ends, that does not predicate that the value of such an act is determined by what other's do as a result of the act itself.
One of the other deterrents I hear is, "I'll do it if you do!" We shoulder check when it comes to the responsibility of doing something we either do not want to do or where we fear we may be the only one required to do whatever it is while others do not have to. Sometimes this is about doing something that goes against the natural grain in ourselves. We can come up with a hundred reasons or excuses not to do something.
If we really want to live feeling good about living in such a manner then we need to figure out how to align our inner and outer worlds. That is where so much of the conflict arises. In other words, can we do a good deed for a genuinely good reason? Can we participate in the "right" we embrace for a "right" reason? Can we authentically speak truth? Can we bring that kind of congruence and integrity to the way we choose to live out our lives?
When we look inside of ourselves we may be able to pull it off to certain degree or for a certain period of time and then we all bump into the fact that we are all limited, finite human beings. So then what? Is it possible to look outside ourselves for either the ideology or strength to somehow rise above such limitations? I would suggest it is! Look at the historic examples, like Mother Theresa.
The "ice bucket" challenge requires little of us for a brief period of time and yet it is for a good cause and capable of contributing toward a much greater good. What if we seriously considered starting a pay it forward challenge somewhere in our lives this fall? What if we decided to really think about our lives and what it is that is our ruling passion and to commit ourselves to that for a season, or a lifetime? What if we took the "play it forward" challenge?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, September 4, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"APPLES ANYONE ?"
Fall is upon us. Schools are opening their doors to students. Parents are franticly making sure their children have whatever school supplies or funds they need to enter into another year. It is often a challenge for families to find the finances to supply all their children with whatever they need. Kudos to organizations that help by running campaigns to collect or supply what cannot be easily purchased by many families.
I loved school. I loved shopping for school supplies. I still find it hard to resist walking through that section in a store and not wanting to reach out and just run my hands over the notebook paper, binders, etc. I realized recently that it is an act of appreciation and hope on my part. Education can play a life-shaping role in our lives. For many it is a pathway to a different kind of life or to a life that would be out of reach without it. Education can provide a kind of hope for the future.
Teachers are a kind of resource in their students' lives. Everyday students access the resources provided by their teachers in order to learn, grow and define themselves. Many of these teachers are so much more than just teachers. They are advocates, protectors, counsellors, mentors, role models, mediators, "anchors," even "stepping stones" in the lives of their students. We all know this is not always the case. Teachers can also have a negative impact on the life of the student for a lifetime. If you stay on an educational track long enough you will probably have a story on each side of the continuum, both positive and negative. This fall let's focus on the positive wherever possible.
Can you think of a teacher who made a real positive difference in your life? How? Do you think they ever knew the difference they made? Did you ever have the opportunity to acknowledge that difference and thank them? I wish I had: so this blog is dedicated to Mrs. Staniford!
Mrs. Staniford was my fifth grade teacher. She was quite a proper lady. When I think back over it now, she was one of the first strongly boundaried women I ever spent much time around. Shortly after entering her class in the fall she asked me to stay in for a talk over one of our daily recesses. I had no idea why. I just hoped I was not in any kind of trouble. I could not imagine what she wanted. I was taken aback by what was about the follow in that encounter.
She explained to me how busy she was and wondered if I would have any interest in staying in for one of the shorter recesses of the day and helping her with tasks like cleaning the chalkboard erasers, running errands to the office, photocopying, etc. If I were willing to help her she was willing to purchase a hot meal ticket ($1.50/week) for me and slip it into the stack she received from the cafeteria every Monday morning. She assured me that none of the students would ever know.
As I would help her I realize now that she was acting in the capacity of a casual mentor. She was that stepping stone person in my life that encouraged me to work hard and get an education. She told me that education was the pathway I needed to pursue toward the future I wanted. I readily accepted the job, the meal ticket and the advice. She invested in me and was instrumental in helping me chart the course for the next season of my life.
I do not believe my experiences with Mrs. Staniford were or are unique. Every day teachers invest in their students and change lives. They are often out there in the trenches fighting battles and standing in the "gaps" no one may ever know or acknowledge. This year if we get a chance perhaps we can find a way to acknowledge and thank those that faithfully invest in our children. Perhaps you still have the opportunity to thank some teacher who was instrumental in your life in a positive way in your own past. This year as you pack those backpacks and lunches, don't forget the "apple for the teacher."
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"APPLES ANYONE ?"
Fall is upon us. Schools are opening their doors to students. Parents are franticly making sure their children have whatever school supplies or funds they need to enter into another year. It is often a challenge for families to find the finances to supply all their children with whatever they need. Kudos to organizations that help by running campaigns to collect or supply what cannot be easily purchased by many families.
I loved school. I loved shopping for school supplies. I still find it hard to resist walking through that section in a store and not wanting to reach out and just run my hands over the notebook paper, binders, etc. I realized recently that it is an act of appreciation and hope on my part. Education can play a life-shaping role in our lives. For many it is a pathway to a different kind of life or to a life that would be out of reach without it. Education can provide a kind of hope for the future.
Teachers are a kind of resource in their students' lives. Everyday students access the resources provided by their teachers in order to learn, grow and define themselves. Many of these teachers are so much more than just teachers. They are advocates, protectors, counsellors, mentors, role models, mediators, "anchors," even "stepping stones" in the lives of their students. We all know this is not always the case. Teachers can also have a negative impact on the life of the student for a lifetime. If you stay on an educational track long enough you will probably have a story on each side of the continuum, both positive and negative. This fall let's focus on the positive wherever possible.
Can you think of a teacher who made a real positive difference in your life? How? Do you think they ever knew the difference they made? Did you ever have the opportunity to acknowledge that difference and thank them? I wish I had: so this blog is dedicated to Mrs. Staniford!
Mrs. Staniford was my fifth grade teacher. She was quite a proper lady. When I think back over it now, she was one of the first strongly boundaried women I ever spent much time around. Shortly after entering her class in the fall she asked me to stay in for a talk over one of our daily recesses. I had no idea why. I just hoped I was not in any kind of trouble. I could not imagine what she wanted. I was taken aback by what was about the follow in that encounter.
She explained to me how busy she was and wondered if I would have any interest in staying in for one of the shorter recesses of the day and helping her with tasks like cleaning the chalkboard erasers, running errands to the office, photocopying, etc. If I were willing to help her she was willing to purchase a hot meal ticket ($1.50/week) for me and slip it into the stack she received from the cafeteria every Monday morning. She assured me that none of the students would ever know.
As I would help her I realize now that she was acting in the capacity of a casual mentor. She was that stepping stone person in my life that encouraged me to work hard and get an education. She told me that education was the pathway I needed to pursue toward the future I wanted. I readily accepted the job, the meal ticket and the advice. She invested in me and was instrumental in helping me chart the course for the next season of my life.
I do not believe my experiences with Mrs. Staniford were or are unique. Every day teachers invest in their students and change lives. They are often out there in the trenches fighting battles and standing in the "gaps" no one may ever know or acknowledge. This year if we get a chance perhaps we can find a way to acknowledge and thank those that faithfully invest in our children. Perhaps you still have the opportunity to thank some teacher who was instrumental in your life in a positive way in your own past. This year as you pack those backpacks and lunches, don't forget the "apple for the teacher."
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"MERGER WISHES"
One of the main news stories over the last day or two is the proposed merger between Tim Horton's and Burger King restaurants. Tim's merged with Wendy's a number of years ago but failed to expand into the U.S. marketplace as hoped. Perhaps this second attempt will be more successful!
When I heard the announcement I wondered about the terminology involved. We are familiar with the term "merger" in the market place. We are familiar with the concept of "partnership" as one of many potential business structures. When I think of partnership I think of some kind of an alliance or association that is mutually beneficial to the parties involved. When I think of merger I think more along the lines of two or more entities coming together to form some kind of new entity. At times merger can even result in one entity being absorbed into the other.
Business is not the only place we witness such attempts. Relationally there are "merger wishes" at work as well. Often we "couple" with the distinct hope that in doing so something we hope for will be actualized either individually or as a product of the partnership. Sometimes both parties are aware of the desired effects of such a union. At other times the personal agendas of such mergers may only be more or less known to one or both parties. Sometimes you know going into such an arrangement; while at other times you realize them in the process or only in the aftermath of such an attempt.
We have all read or heard of stories where elaborate schemes to manipulate, extort, steal from others have been attempted through what, on the surface, appear to be legitimate mergers. We have also read or heard stories regarding joint ventures that benefit many through the respectful associations and alliances with others who possess different resources or skill sets.
Are we ever totally aware of all the forces at work when two entities agree to work together for some reason? While some desires and agendas are consciously and intentionally shared by one or more of participants, others are more subconsciously at work. Even where there are elaborate contractually binding agreements we are not immune to hidden or subconscious agendas or intentionality.
The key to moving forward well depends on several factors being authentically at work. It requires moving forward with conscious and intentional transparency, not "hoped-for transparency," that is really a cover for hidden agendas. It requires trust based on deep integrity. It requires mutually-agreed upon outcomes where it is possible to anticipate and work toward the same. It requires entering into such a working alliance for the purpose of what you can give rather than what you can get from the joint venture.
Such working alliances require some degree of health in each of the participants and in their ability to communicate well, connect well and resolve conflict to the satisfaction of all in order to maximize the desired outcome. That does not mean it is always easy; it takes sincere work to do it well. It requires a developing sense of self-awareness as well as an awareness of others and relational dynamics. I prefer a paradigm of synergistic infrastructures when and where possible within superstructures. That does, however, require a certain tolerance of difference and the creative ability to carve out unique solutions.
Sound complicated at multiple levels? It is! The world stage is proof of its necessity, its successes and its failures for multiple reasons. That does not mean we should cease to work at it. If anything, we need to work harder at it for the benefit of others and our world. The concepts of collegiality and teamwork have been popular for years. Everybody does not have to be on the same team; everybody does not have to attempt to solve a world problem. We need to work at making a difference within our spheres of influence.
There is a growing awareness that the issues we face in our world appear to be increasingly complex, convoluted, perhaps even impossible to resolve. Why? We cannot even agree on what a resolution might look like. Many are giving up, hunkering down, pulling in and just taking care of their own. They feel it is beyond them to even know how or what they might contribute to any kind of a resolve.
More and more people are just trying to survive.
How about you? Where are you at in terms of using your influence for good, to contribute to the welfare of others and our world? My favorite news stories are when children and young people hear about a need and simply, fearlessly, decide to do something about it (like backpacks of toiletries for the homeless). They are using who they are within their spheres of influence. They are trying to make a difference by just being who they are!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"MERGER WISHES"
One of the main news stories over the last day or two is the proposed merger between Tim Horton's and Burger King restaurants. Tim's merged with Wendy's a number of years ago but failed to expand into the U.S. marketplace as hoped. Perhaps this second attempt will be more successful!
When I heard the announcement I wondered about the terminology involved. We are familiar with the term "merger" in the market place. We are familiar with the concept of "partnership" as one of many potential business structures. When I think of partnership I think of some kind of an alliance or association that is mutually beneficial to the parties involved. When I think of merger I think more along the lines of two or more entities coming together to form some kind of new entity. At times merger can even result in one entity being absorbed into the other.
Business is not the only place we witness such attempts. Relationally there are "merger wishes" at work as well. Often we "couple" with the distinct hope that in doing so something we hope for will be actualized either individually or as a product of the partnership. Sometimes both parties are aware of the desired effects of such a union. At other times the personal agendas of such mergers may only be more or less known to one or both parties. Sometimes you know going into such an arrangement; while at other times you realize them in the process or only in the aftermath of such an attempt.
We have all read or heard of stories where elaborate schemes to manipulate, extort, steal from others have been attempted through what, on the surface, appear to be legitimate mergers. We have also read or heard stories regarding joint ventures that benefit many through the respectful associations and alliances with others who possess different resources or skill sets.
Are we ever totally aware of all the forces at work when two entities agree to work together for some reason? While some desires and agendas are consciously and intentionally shared by one or more of participants, others are more subconsciously at work. Even where there are elaborate contractually binding agreements we are not immune to hidden or subconscious agendas or intentionality.
The key to moving forward well depends on several factors being authentically at work. It requires moving forward with conscious and intentional transparency, not "hoped-for transparency," that is really a cover for hidden agendas. It requires trust based on deep integrity. It requires mutually-agreed upon outcomes where it is possible to anticipate and work toward the same. It requires entering into such a working alliance for the purpose of what you can give rather than what you can get from the joint venture.
Such working alliances require some degree of health in each of the participants and in their ability to communicate well, connect well and resolve conflict to the satisfaction of all in order to maximize the desired outcome. That does not mean it is always easy; it takes sincere work to do it well. It requires a developing sense of self-awareness as well as an awareness of others and relational dynamics. I prefer a paradigm of synergistic infrastructures when and where possible within superstructures. That does, however, require a certain tolerance of difference and the creative ability to carve out unique solutions.
Sound complicated at multiple levels? It is! The world stage is proof of its necessity, its successes and its failures for multiple reasons. That does not mean we should cease to work at it. If anything, we need to work harder at it for the benefit of others and our world. The concepts of collegiality and teamwork have been popular for years. Everybody does not have to be on the same team; everybody does not have to attempt to solve a world problem. We need to work at making a difference within our spheres of influence.
There is a growing awareness that the issues we face in our world appear to be increasingly complex, convoluted, perhaps even impossible to resolve. Why? We cannot even agree on what a resolution might look like. Many are giving up, hunkering down, pulling in and just taking care of their own. They feel it is beyond them to even know how or what they might contribute to any kind of a resolve.
More and more people are just trying to survive.
How about you? Where are you at in terms of using your influence for good, to contribute to the welfare of others and our world? My favorite news stories are when children and young people hear about a need and simply, fearlessly, decide to do something about it (like backpacks of toiletries for the homeless). They are using who they are within their spheres of influence. They are trying to make a difference by just being who they are!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"DEFINITIONS OF INTEGRITY"
Have you ever thought about the fact that definitions are often two-sided? We define things both by what they are and by what they are not. We often begin with what something is not as a means of trying to figure out what it is. We know what we do not want but are unsure of exactly what we do want. We do this on multiple levels across our lives. It is a normal process.
Adolescents often do this in terms of trying to figure out their own identities. They know who they are not; "I am not you Dad and I am not you Mom!" It is a part of their differentiation to declare that they are different than either of their parents. Then they move toward their peers, their studies or some activities to try to figure out who they are; they are individuating. "I am not you . . . I am different than you . . . I am trying to figure out who I am." This often occurs quietly, almost without notice. At other times it can be quite a tumultuous process for both parents and adolescents.
In adult life it continues to be a challenge. It often feels disruptive to one member of a couple when the other is still defining themselves. It can feel threatening if one member tends to be more static in their being and the other is more dynamic. Can the relationship bear the tensions as each grows across the life cycle and the seasons of life? Growth implies change. Can our relationships bear those transitions and the tensions those processes generate?
We seem to live in a world that is very much in flux. That seems to be generating a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. By the time we embrace one change it is already outdated and the next shift is in process. We especially see this in the field of technology and social media. Some fields seem to move forward at lightning speed while others lag far behind. For example, an advance in medical technology often occurs well in advance of all the ethical dilemmas the application of such an advance poses. Adjunct fields struggle to keep pace.
Figuring out who we are in the midst of a world in constant flux is a challenge. For example, what do we think about . . . what do we feel about . . . what would we like to choose in regard to whatever the present topic or situation is? Most of the time I believe it is us trying to figure out who we are in a cultural milieu that is constantly evolving or shifting. We are both static and dynamic beings; not to be confused with static and dynamic forces that come to bear on our lives at any given moment from external sources. Some times we feel bombarded from both within and externally and that can feel destabilizing.
As Fall approaches we will find ourselves in the midst of potentially numerous defining entities, forces and opportunities. I hope we will not be rattled by these as much as see them as opportunities to grow and change where indicated while hanging on to what we deem valuable as constants in ourselves and our lives. We will always live in a world in flux. It will always be a challenge. If we can figure out the constants and hold on to them tenaciously while embracing the tension of those shifting realities, we might have an easier journey.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"DEFINITIONS OF INTEGRITY"
Have you ever thought about the fact that definitions are often two-sided? We define things both by what they are and by what they are not. We often begin with what something is not as a means of trying to figure out what it is. We know what we do not want but are unsure of exactly what we do want. We do this on multiple levels across our lives. It is a normal process.
Adolescents often do this in terms of trying to figure out their own identities. They know who they are not; "I am not you Dad and I am not you Mom!" It is a part of their differentiation to declare that they are different than either of their parents. Then they move toward their peers, their studies or some activities to try to figure out who they are; they are individuating. "I am not you . . . I am different than you . . . I am trying to figure out who I am." This often occurs quietly, almost without notice. At other times it can be quite a tumultuous process for both parents and adolescents.
In adult life it continues to be a challenge. It often feels disruptive to one member of a couple when the other is still defining themselves. It can feel threatening if one member tends to be more static in their being and the other is more dynamic. Can the relationship bear the tensions as each grows across the life cycle and the seasons of life? Growth implies change. Can our relationships bear those transitions and the tensions those processes generate?
We seem to live in a world that is very much in flux. That seems to be generating a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. By the time we embrace one change it is already outdated and the next shift is in process. We especially see this in the field of technology and social media. Some fields seem to move forward at lightning speed while others lag far behind. For example, an advance in medical technology often occurs well in advance of all the ethical dilemmas the application of such an advance poses. Adjunct fields struggle to keep pace.
Figuring out who we are in the midst of a world in constant flux is a challenge. For example, what do we think about . . . what do we feel about . . . what would we like to choose in regard to whatever the present topic or situation is? Most of the time I believe it is us trying to figure out who we are in a cultural milieu that is constantly evolving or shifting. We are both static and dynamic beings; not to be confused with static and dynamic forces that come to bear on our lives at any given moment from external sources. Some times we feel bombarded from both within and externally and that can feel destabilizing.
As Fall approaches we will find ourselves in the midst of potentially numerous defining entities, forces and opportunities. I hope we will not be rattled by these as much as see them as opportunities to grow and change where indicated while hanging on to what we deem valuable as constants in ourselves and our lives. We will always live in a world in flux. It will always be a challenge. If we can figure out the constants and hold on to them tenaciously while embracing the tension of those shifting realities, we might have an easier journey.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"WHAT IN THE WORLD ?"
More people are questioning what is happening to what once were their stable and reliable constants. All of the shifts occurring around them are being experienced as disconcerting, disturbing, even destabilizing at times. We do not live in a static world. We live in the midst of ever-increasing dynamics that are becoming more complex and convoluted with the passage of time.
Weather dynamics seem to be more intense: climate change, shifting seasonal patterns, flooding, drought, raging forest fires, tsunamis, dust storms, tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes. Crises in environmental dynamics are impacting our lives: the presence of blue algae in bodies of water that are potentially toxic, the demise of the bee population, fish dying and washing ashore, the problem with muscles affecting our lakes, birds falling out of the sky dead without explanation.
Socially people are more withdrawn, less engaging in person with the rise of social media and new electronic devices. The dependence on these devices is increasing exponentially, even to the point of affecting the laws regarding the use of them. They have become problematic in our homes, schools, even our vehicles. Our bonding, attachment and connection needs are met through dependency on our devices.
Political dynamics are more uncertain at all levels: yesterday's allies are today's enemies; the fragmentation of powerful entities around the world into splinter groups vying for control of the earth's resources; political parties warring among themselves, even splitting to espouse their platforms. There is a profound loss of faith in the political systems that have held societies together for centuries. People no longer believe their voices will really be heard or make a difference. I cannot remember a time when so many have taken to the streets in protest globally.
Financially there appears to be a widening gap between the upper and lower classes around the world. People are less sure of financial institutions, the markets and those who manage them. Many governments are reacting to the shifting trade and business dynamics globally: the effect of global outsourcing, historic tax sources following that outsourcing, new treaty relations to perpetuate import and export markets where old ones have shifted. Debt levels are climbing exponentially.
Ideologically many are lost, confused and leery of philosophical and spiritual beliefs they once embraced for strength, hope and stability. Where do we look for some kind of stability? Where do we find strength? Where do we find whatever hope we embrace? So many of the trusted sources have lost their appeal or are wearing "thin" in the midst of all that is happening in our world. One after another they are being exposed as limited or even impotent.
So in light of all that is happening in our world, where is the potential for good? I believe all of this is leading many to seek that which is simpler, authentic, trust-worthy. I believe more people are beginning to look for and be grateful for what they do have. Perhaps we need to get back to basics, to examine the foundations on which we are building our lives. "What in the world" do you think?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"WHAT IN THE WORLD ?"
More people are questioning what is happening to what once were their stable and reliable constants. All of the shifts occurring around them are being experienced as disconcerting, disturbing, even destabilizing at times. We do not live in a static world. We live in the midst of ever-increasing dynamics that are becoming more complex and convoluted with the passage of time.
Weather dynamics seem to be more intense: climate change, shifting seasonal patterns, flooding, drought, raging forest fires, tsunamis, dust storms, tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes. Crises in environmental dynamics are impacting our lives: the presence of blue algae in bodies of water that are potentially toxic, the demise of the bee population, fish dying and washing ashore, the problem with muscles affecting our lakes, birds falling out of the sky dead without explanation.
Socially people are more withdrawn, less engaging in person with the rise of social media and new electronic devices. The dependence on these devices is increasing exponentially, even to the point of affecting the laws regarding the use of them. They have become problematic in our homes, schools, even our vehicles. Our bonding, attachment and connection needs are met through dependency on our devices.
Political dynamics are more uncertain at all levels: yesterday's allies are today's enemies; the fragmentation of powerful entities around the world into splinter groups vying for control of the earth's resources; political parties warring among themselves, even splitting to espouse their platforms. There is a profound loss of faith in the political systems that have held societies together for centuries. People no longer believe their voices will really be heard or make a difference. I cannot remember a time when so many have taken to the streets in protest globally.
Financially there appears to be a widening gap between the upper and lower classes around the world. People are less sure of financial institutions, the markets and those who manage them. Many governments are reacting to the shifting trade and business dynamics globally: the effect of global outsourcing, historic tax sources following that outsourcing, new treaty relations to perpetuate import and export markets where old ones have shifted. Debt levels are climbing exponentially.
Ideologically many are lost, confused and leery of philosophical and spiritual beliefs they once embraced for strength, hope and stability. Where do we look for some kind of stability? Where do we find strength? Where do we find whatever hope we embrace? So many of the trusted sources have lost their appeal or are wearing "thin" in the midst of all that is happening in our world. One after another they are being exposed as limited or even impotent.
So in light of all that is happening in our world, where is the potential for good? I believe all of this is leading many to seek that which is simpler, authentic, trust-worthy. I believe more people are beginning to look for and be grateful for what they do have. Perhaps we need to get back to basics, to examine the foundations on which we are building our lives. "What in the world" do you think?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"THE SAFETY INHERENT IN WELCOME"
I have been thinking a lot about safety in community. Safety is an important ingredient in any healthy growing community. Sometimes in our propensity to form homogenous communities which are based on similarity, we fail to realize the limitations of the similarities we impose. They often go beyond the stated parameters of a community's self-definition. As well, they often contradict the very purpose for which the community exists in the first place.
Most people seek community where they can belong, where they can fit. Some communities are, by self-definition, there to serve the needs of a select population group. There is a kind of integrity in such a stated purpose. These communities are selectively inclusive. There are other communities that are open to almost anyone, even those that are radically different; they are heterogeneous in nature. These are very different types of communities with different limitations, vulnerabilities and issues.
One of the phenomena of our times is that some communities are struggling to stay alive and vibrant due to a fallout in attendance, participation and committed membership. This is an example where the solutions we seek to such trends often take us down errant paths. We seek to appeal to outsiders but fail to ask the difficult questions regarding why our organization seems to possess a revolving door of some kind. It is always easier to blame those who have cycled through as if there is nothing of a systemic nature that needs addressing.
One of the primary criteria of safety is genuine welcome. That may be a new thought to many; that safety and welcome are integrally linked. If we think about human development we can recognize the importance of this with infants. Most people are drawn to a new baby; we welcome them to the point it is a competition as to who can hold them at showers, family gatherings, etc. We are so taken with them our entire focus goes into making sure their needs are met and they are comfortable. Our nurture of them is probably one of the best examples of true other-centeredness.
It is also of interest that babies that do not get that kind of welcome after birth often fail to bond and attach. Some of them end up with reactive detachment disorder and fail to attach to anyone across their lifecycles at any significant or intimate level. We know that children read cues in community. They seem to instinctively know who they are comfortable being with and who they are leery of.
Adults are like this as well, even if they cannot put it in words.
We are all conditioned that certain dynamics are safe; it becomes normalized but not necessarily normal. For example, we are seeing horrific examples of children who have been conditioned to trust when they should not and those who do not trust and should. This often lead to disastrous and dangerous situations that end up being traumatizing or life-threatening.
What does it mean to be truly welcoming in community? What does it mean to be truly safe for others entering in? Is welcoming others about us or them; on our terms or theirs'? Is it a mutually agreed upon dynamic? It is a worthy endeavor to ask ourselves not only what or who it is that we experience as "normally safe," but why? Do we know the limits of our other-centeredness; where we cross over into our own vulnerabilities and limitations? Where it becomes too much about us and not enough about the other? Whom do we welcome? For whom are we safe?
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
"THE SAFETY INHERENT IN WELCOME"
I have been thinking a lot about safety in community. Safety is an important ingredient in any healthy growing community. Sometimes in our propensity to form homogenous communities which are based on similarity, we fail to realize the limitations of the similarities we impose. They often go beyond the stated parameters of a community's self-definition. As well, they often contradict the very purpose for which the community exists in the first place.
Most people seek community where they can belong, where they can fit. Some communities are, by self-definition, there to serve the needs of a select population group. There is a kind of integrity in such a stated purpose. These communities are selectively inclusive. There are other communities that are open to almost anyone, even those that are radically different; they are heterogeneous in nature. These are very different types of communities with different limitations, vulnerabilities and issues.
One of the phenomena of our times is that some communities are struggling to stay alive and vibrant due to a fallout in attendance, participation and committed membership. This is an example where the solutions we seek to such trends often take us down errant paths. We seek to appeal to outsiders but fail to ask the difficult questions regarding why our organization seems to possess a revolving door of some kind. It is always easier to blame those who have cycled through as if there is nothing of a systemic nature that needs addressing.
One of the primary criteria of safety is genuine welcome. That may be a new thought to many; that safety and welcome are integrally linked. If we think about human development we can recognize the importance of this with infants. Most people are drawn to a new baby; we welcome them to the point it is a competition as to who can hold them at showers, family gatherings, etc. We are so taken with them our entire focus goes into making sure their needs are met and they are comfortable. Our nurture of them is probably one of the best examples of true other-centeredness.
It is also of interest that babies that do not get that kind of welcome after birth often fail to bond and attach. Some of them end up with reactive detachment disorder and fail to attach to anyone across their lifecycles at any significant or intimate level. We know that children read cues in community. They seem to instinctively know who they are comfortable being with and who they are leery of.
Adults are like this as well, even if they cannot put it in words.
We are all conditioned that certain dynamics are safe; it becomes normalized but not necessarily normal. For example, we are seeing horrific examples of children who have been conditioned to trust when they should not and those who do not trust and should. This often lead to disastrous and dangerous situations that end up being traumatizing or life-threatening.
What does it mean to be truly welcoming in community? What does it mean to be truly safe for others entering in? Is welcoming others about us or them; on our terms or theirs'? Is it a mutually agreed upon dynamic? It is a worthy endeavor to ask ourselves not only what or who it is that we experience as "normally safe," but why? Do we know the limits of our other-centeredness; where we cross over into our own vulnerabilities and limitations? Where it becomes too much about us and not enough about the other? Whom do we welcome? For whom are we safe?
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"THE WINDS OF CHANGE"
After seven months of Winter with temperatures below 20 C followed by a cold, damp Spring it is good to finally look out my window and see the promise of Summer by mid-July. Here's hoping! It reminds me that even climate can change, temporarily or permanently. There are lots of "climates" that are changing in our world(s). Applying Webster, it indicates that "the prevailing atmosphere or environment" is undergoing some significant shifts.
I am fascinated by what does and does not change in any given system when change is indicated. I think this is one of the greatest mistakes made. History bears it out! In an attempt to solve a current situation a solution is embraced that may appear to deal with the precipitating issue but fails to address the deeper, underlying source of the problem. To do this well requires a lot of thought from all different angles and at all different levels. Treating symptoms is not always a permanent cure.
It is so easy to buy into the tyranny of the urgent to resolve our anxieties related to a given situation. We need to look at where those situations are generating anxieties within ourselves. The external often points to something deeper that needs addressing within us. Our need to be okay in the moment often sabotages our being okay in the bigger picture. We often find ourselves in repetitive situations or relationships. We fail to learn the lessons of the past and present and need to repeat in the future.
Getting stuck in "patternistic" behaviors or even cycles of the same is often the result of such failures. It is difficult for us to think outside our given paradigms and stretch the parameters of the same. This is where education often comes in; it forces us to challenge and push the parameters of our thinking. This is where therapy can serve a purpose in our lives. It is good for us to grow. All learning indicates change. Change is not necessarily healthy or unhealthy; it can be just change.
Sometimes surrounding ourselves with only or mostly those who affirm and agree with our thinking only entrenches these patterns deeper and the cycles continue. Change and difference are so threatening to us; they generate a lot of anxieties within. We often miss out on what is available to us through our inabilities to tolerate both.
Life is full of conflicts begging our attention and ultimately solutions. We selectively choose which we will participate in to work toward solutions. Often we triage the conflicts in our lives into a hierarchy of priorities. Sometimes we hope they just simply resolve themselves or go away so we never have to face those conflicts both within and outside of ourselves.
I wonder what it would take for us to truly come to terms with conflict as a part of living in this world? What would it take for us to not fear difference and change? What would it mean for us to embrace our own anxieties responsibly and wrestle them down?
Perhaps the task before us is to learn to love non-anxiously. Mature love has learned to deal with the fears and anxieties that cause us to dread even approaching or walking into those arenas. Do we understand that entities like dread, paranoia, even compulsion are replete with guilt; or worse, they may affect our very identities and become shame-driven?
We are not living in simpler times; that is what we long for! We are not going to be able to always make that happen. Perhaps we need to come to terms with ourselves so it is easier to enter into the conflicts of our lives and the world around us. I cannot always change my world but I can think about who I am in relation to my world, what I can change about myself. Sometimes that is the best we have!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"THE WINDS OF CHANGE"
After seven months of Winter with temperatures below 20 C followed by a cold, damp Spring it is good to finally look out my window and see the promise of Summer by mid-July. Here's hoping! It reminds me that even climate can change, temporarily or permanently. There are lots of "climates" that are changing in our world(s). Applying Webster, it indicates that "the prevailing atmosphere or environment" is undergoing some significant shifts.
I am fascinated by what does and does not change in any given system when change is indicated. I think this is one of the greatest mistakes made. History bears it out! In an attempt to solve a current situation a solution is embraced that may appear to deal with the precipitating issue but fails to address the deeper, underlying source of the problem. To do this well requires a lot of thought from all different angles and at all different levels. Treating symptoms is not always a permanent cure.
It is so easy to buy into the tyranny of the urgent to resolve our anxieties related to a given situation. We need to look at where those situations are generating anxieties within ourselves. The external often points to something deeper that needs addressing within us. Our need to be okay in the moment often sabotages our being okay in the bigger picture. We often find ourselves in repetitive situations or relationships. We fail to learn the lessons of the past and present and need to repeat in the future.
Getting stuck in "patternistic" behaviors or even cycles of the same is often the result of such failures. It is difficult for us to think outside our given paradigms and stretch the parameters of the same. This is where education often comes in; it forces us to challenge and push the parameters of our thinking. This is where therapy can serve a purpose in our lives. It is good for us to grow. All learning indicates change. Change is not necessarily healthy or unhealthy; it can be just change.
Sometimes surrounding ourselves with only or mostly those who affirm and agree with our thinking only entrenches these patterns deeper and the cycles continue. Change and difference are so threatening to us; they generate a lot of anxieties within. We often miss out on what is available to us through our inabilities to tolerate both.
Life is full of conflicts begging our attention and ultimately solutions. We selectively choose which we will participate in to work toward solutions. Often we triage the conflicts in our lives into a hierarchy of priorities. Sometimes we hope they just simply resolve themselves or go away so we never have to face those conflicts both within and outside of ourselves.
I wonder what it would take for us to truly come to terms with conflict as a part of living in this world? What would it take for us to not fear difference and change? What would it mean for us to embrace our own anxieties responsibly and wrestle them down?
Perhaps the task before us is to learn to love non-anxiously. Mature love has learned to deal with the fears and anxieties that cause us to dread even approaching or walking into those arenas. Do we understand that entities like dread, paranoia, even compulsion are replete with guilt; or worse, they may affect our very identities and become shame-driven?
We are not living in simpler times; that is what we long for! We are not going to be able to always make that happen. Perhaps we need to come to terms with ourselves so it is easier to enter into the conflicts of our lives and the world around us. I cannot always change my world but I can think about who I am in relation to my world, what I can change about myself. Sometimes that is the best we have!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"I NEED WHAT?"
Everyone has needs. Everyone has desires. They are certainly not the same thing! Living in a society that is increasingly narcissistic it is interesting to watch how many desires have been turned into "legitimate" needs. In contrast, sometimes we turn our needs into desires so it is not so painful or disappointing to not have them met.
We often struggle to know if we have confused needs and desires. An easy way to distinguish is by the effect. Our initial response to a blocked desire is often disappointment. A blocked need may result in some sense of anger. Even in these primary responses, we can quickly power up to a secondary response that confuses distinguishing by solely the effect when either is thwarted.
Another dynamic in our perception of both is early childhood conditioning that becomes our default setting. For example, those who have known some measure of deprivation may have totally lost touch with what might be called "norms." What we grow up with or stay in too long may distort our intuitive sense of what is "normal;" it may simply be what has become "normalized." On the flip side, if children are overindulged that distorts their norms as well. We are vulnerable on both sides.
All of this occurs on both individual and systemic levels. If at a systemic level a legitimate need is not acknowledged, addressed or nurtured, it may become normalized that it is in fact something one does not need. This may lead to a kind of dysthymic or depressive response within individuals they do not even have a paradigm with which to conceptualize what has happened to them. There may just be a nagging but undefined sense that they need something but have no clue what it is.
On the flip side there could be an enraged sense one is entitled to something they cannot fathom that "life" or others are not providing them. Their only paradigm is that they should have whatever it is and often immediately. This may occur if one is overindulged or fails to learn delayed gratification.
Again, this may be the result of converting legitimate desires into perceived needs.
It is a continual life process to sift and sort out what one really needs or simply desires. It is not the same across the life cycle; some are more age appropriate or oriented to a particular season of life. It is part of healthy character development to be able to define, differentiate and live out the reality of our needs and desires with dignity. It is not a simple linear formula toward a successful outcome.
There is very little in life we can constantly and consistently change or control. To make either our goal in relation to having our needs and/or desires met may take us down the road to manipulative strategies. Sometimes we fall into this trap without realizing it until hindsight engages us in a retrospective process.
So we work at it! Hopefully, we offer grace along the way to fellow travellers on this journey we call life. Hopefully, we do not shame others along the way for being different, for desiring or needing something different than we think we would or they should.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"I NEED WHAT?"
Everyone has needs. Everyone has desires. They are certainly not the same thing! Living in a society that is increasingly narcissistic it is interesting to watch how many desires have been turned into "legitimate" needs. In contrast, sometimes we turn our needs into desires so it is not so painful or disappointing to not have them met.
We often struggle to know if we have confused needs and desires. An easy way to distinguish is by the effect. Our initial response to a blocked desire is often disappointment. A blocked need may result in some sense of anger. Even in these primary responses, we can quickly power up to a secondary response that confuses distinguishing by solely the effect when either is thwarted.
Another dynamic in our perception of both is early childhood conditioning that becomes our default setting. For example, those who have known some measure of deprivation may have totally lost touch with what might be called "norms." What we grow up with or stay in too long may distort our intuitive sense of what is "normal;" it may simply be what has become "normalized." On the flip side, if children are overindulged that distorts their norms as well. We are vulnerable on both sides.
All of this occurs on both individual and systemic levels. If at a systemic level a legitimate need is not acknowledged, addressed or nurtured, it may become normalized that it is in fact something one does not need. This may lead to a kind of dysthymic or depressive response within individuals they do not even have a paradigm with which to conceptualize what has happened to them. There may just be a nagging but undefined sense that they need something but have no clue what it is.
On the flip side there could be an enraged sense one is entitled to something they cannot fathom that "life" or others are not providing them. Their only paradigm is that they should have whatever it is and often immediately. This may occur if one is overindulged or fails to learn delayed gratification.
Again, this may be the result of converting legitimate desires into perceived needs.
It is a continual life process to sift and sort out what one really needs or simply desires. It is not the same across the life cycle; some are more age appropriate or oriented to a particular season of life. It is part of healthy character development to be able to define, differentiate and live out the reality of our needs and desires with dignity. It is not a simple linear formula toward a successful outcome.
There is very little in life we can constantly and consistently change or control. To make either our goal in relation to having our needs and/or desires met may take us down the road to manipulative strategies. Sometimes we fall into this trap without realizing it until hindsight engages us in a retrospective process.
So we work at it! Hopefully, we offer grace along the way to fellow travellers on this journey we call life. Hopefully, we do not shame others along the way for being different, for desiring or needing something different than we think we would or they should.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
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