LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                                  "THE SAFETY INHERENT IN WELCOME"


I have been thinking a lot about safety in community.  Safety is an important ingredient in any healthy growing community.  Sometimes in our propensity to form homogenous communities which are based on similarity, we fail to realize the limitations of the similarities we impose.  They often go beyond the stated parameters of a community's self-definition.  As well, they often contradict the very purpose for which the community exists in the first place.

Most people seek community where they can belong, where they can fit.  Some communities are, by self-definition, there to serve the needs of a select population group.  There is a kind of integrity in such a stated purpose.  These communities are selectively inclusive.  There are other communities that are open to almost anyone, even those that are radically different; they are heterogeneous in nature.  These are very different types of communities with different limitations, vulnerabilities and issues.

One of the phenomena of our times is that some communities are struggling to stay alive and vibrant due to a fallout in attendance, participation and committed membership.  This is an example where the solutions we seek to such trends often take us down errant paths.  We seek to appeal to outsiders but fail to ask the difficult questions regarding why our organization seems to possess a revolving door of some kind.  It is always easier to blame those who have cycled through as if there is nothing of a systemic nature that needs addressing.

One of the primary criteria of safety is genuine welcome.  That may be a new thought to many; that safety and welcome are integrally linked.  If we think about human development we can recognize the importance of this with infants.  Most people are drawn to a new baby; we welcome them to the point it is a competition as to who can hold them at showers, family gatherings, etc.  We are so taken with them our entire focus goes into making sure their needs are met and they are comfortable.  Our nurture of them is probably one of the best examples of true other-centeredness.

 It is also of interest that babies that do not get that kind of welcome after birth often fail to bond and attach.  Some of them end up with reactive detachment disorder and fail to attach to anyone across their lifecycles at any significant or intimate level.  We know that children read cues in community.  They seem to instinctively know who they are comfortable being with and who they are leery of. 
Adults are like this as well, even if they cannot put it in words.

We are all conditioned that certain dynamics are safe; it becomes normalized but not necessarily normal.  For example, we are seeing horrific examples of children who have been conditioned to trust when they should not and those who do not trust and should.  This often lead to disastrous and dangerous situations that end up being traumatizing or life-threatening.

What does it mean to be truly welcoming in community?  What does it mean to be truly safe for others entering in?  Is welcoming others about us or them; on our terms or theirs'?  Is it a mutually agreed upon dynamic?  It is a worthy endeavor to ask ourselves not only what or who it is that we experience as "normally safe," but why?  Do we know the limits of our other-centeredness; where we cross over into our own vulnerabilities and limitations?  Where it becomes too much about us and not enough about the other?  Whom do we welcome?  For whom are we safe?

Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!