LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                                                  "Needs, Anyone?"


One of the basic building blocks of society is the family.  Across the years it has been redefined in
the service of various agendas, like being inclusive.  My favorite definition of family was articulated by a man named Johnson in an ethics textbook.  He defined family as learning to "live separately together."  While it sounds like an oxymoron, it attempts to hold both autonomy and community in a kind of well-differentiated tension. 

We are all similar and different.  We all have similar and different needs.  We all bring those needs into the family units in which we participate.  When our needs are either not met at all, not met enough on our terms, or just not sufficiently met there will be some kind of emotion generated within us.  The purest picture of this is infancy.  When their needs are not met they scream (baby rage).  One might interpret those nonverbal utterances as, "Quick! Get over here, figure out what I presently need and provide!" 

Failure to get our needs met as human beings may throw us into a survival mode.  We may cease to thrive and begin to just survive.  When that happens we may begin to see a progression of three continuums activated in the lives of those involved.  First, they may emotionally manifest either something between annoyed and enraged or disappointed and depressed.  Depending on whether their tendency is to turn those feelings inward or outward, the ability to esteem self or other may take a hit.

Second, if there is no response to those reactions, it begs an answer to the question, "If my needs are not being met, who is responsible for that failure?"  Those involved may find themselves somewhere between damaged to destroyed trust in self or other to responsibly get those needs met.  Depending on the perceived answer, the focus of the anger may be determined.

Third, if this goes on too acutely or chronically, the one involved may fall on a third continuum, somewhere between suspicious and paranoid.  Articulated it might sound something like, "I am angry and suspicious; I no longer trust anyone to care enough to even try to meet my needs."  Destruction of trust is a powerful entity in either an individual or community.

We see examples of this every week in our society and around the world.  That is part of the reason for the political tug-of-war over the vast resources of this world.  Although much of it is motivated by a desire for wealth and power, some recognize that without their needs met vast populations are left either in despair, helpless and powerless to effect any change, or enraged and engaged in effecting whatever change they perceive may be necessary to get their needs met.

In healthy families everybody's needs are important in order that everyone has an opportunity to thrive.  We all know that is an ideal but often not an accurate reflection of the reality.  We cannot change the whole world but we can try to live with a conscious intentional mindset of being aware of more than just our own needs.  We can practice healthy self-care while attending to the needs of others around us in our communities.

It will always be a challenge to live well in that tension.  How blessed we are if we can even engage that challenge because we are thriving well enough to not just be focusing everyday on surviving! Many of our charitable organizations that give so generously to societal and world communities are struggling to continue to do so.  I hope we will all be mindful to be grateful because we have been graciously blessed and give generously this year!

Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!