LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .

       
                                                  "NURTURING A CRISIS?" 


When I wrote the last two blogs regarding two of the episodes of violence experienced in the States over the past couple of weeks, I never imagined the following week in Canada would mirror that stat (Calgary and Regina). Most people I talk to agree that we are living in an increasingly unstable and unpredictable time.

Someone asked me why we miss the signs that such events are on the brink of occurring.  That is not an easy question to answer.  There are so many forces that come to bear on any individual's life at any given moment in time.  If we could predict who was going to do what at any given moment then it would mandate that we prevent these episodes from occurring.  They are especially disturbing because of their unpredictable and random nature.

Sometimes there absolutely are no signs of what is about to happen.  In other instances those involved may be acting out their crises in lesser instances building toward the bigger storm.  They often create a crisis to get help with the crisis they are already in but do not know how to verbalize or even attempt to secure the needed help.  Many of them are simply acting out what they have never learned or felt safe enough to talk about.  I believe that is a natural ability in some and a learned skill in others; to accurately communicate to others what is going on inside of us.

I do not believe there are simple answers to these complex issues.  I do, however, wonder about the stress on many family systems that may be contributing to some of the precipitating factors.  We are so busy, so "pulled in every direction" within modern family systems. Often those systems and/or the individuals within them end up fragmented or isolated, or both.  They feel they are left to find a way to get their own needs met or work out their own internal worlds. 

In addition, the whole social media milieu with its emphasis on the latest technology is moving us even further away from direct face-to-face communication.  We need time to build relationship with others in order to communicate at deeper levels, especially about what is troubling.  Somehow we are just supposed to be okay, to not need others.  Or at the very least, not to disturb others with our needs. Children and adolescents just sense whether or not they are invited to do so.

Every year we spend millions, if not billions, of dollars making sure our children get all kinds of opportunities to try or to develop whatever activities or skills in which they have an interest.  That is important to their development as individuals!  But how many parents actually spend time each year thinking about what each of their children need in terms of their emotional development? How many of us know that our parents were intentional in our emotional development?

There is much in this world over which we have no control.  We can, however, be intentional about emotionally nurturing each of our children according to their personal and developmental needs.  So often parents are willing but feel ill-equipped; they do not know how to pass on what they are not even sure they ever received or saw modelled.  It is never too late to learn; to become intentional in our own lives and the lives of those entrusted to our care.  Other's needs are not always comfortable or convenient to address.

So many of these crises are accompanied by eruptions of intense emotionality in both the victims and the perpetrators.  I wonder if the increasing frequency of anger/rage, depression, anxiety, suicide, cutting, bullying/aggression, violence, etc. isn't inviting us to reconsider the whole realm of emotional nurture as one component of emotional and mental health?  What do you think?  Maybe it is time we think about consciously intentionally nurturing ourselves and the ones closest to us on a regular basis.  Or perhaps just simply to think about what exactly it is we are nurturing!

Until next time .  . . this is, Just Janice!