LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


        
                                                     "THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE"


Silence is multifaceted in nature, content and effect.  It can be moral or amoral; private and personal or an international designate.  It can carry no deeper message and meaning or it can potently communicate louder than the strongest vocabulary available to us.  It can be comforting or deeply disturbing.  It can have no noticeable effect or shape entire systems for generations.    

There is often a debate about at what point that which is personal and private becomes harmful to others and crosses the line into secrecy.  We have seen this on the international level when a couple of men decided to breach national security for what they believed was the right of the people to know.  We have witnessed it in financial institutions and markets with the exposure of numerous schemes and scandals at all levels of the socio-economic continuum.

At many systemic levels silence is a powerful political commodity.  Legally it can have implications in law enforcement and in our courts where people are allowed their right to remain silent in the service of protecting themselves, their sources and so forth.   

In our modern world where so many have grown weary of all of the above there is a powerful longing for authenticity, transparency, and integrity.  To know at the end of the day that we have lived our lives well, responsibly and ethically, is at best a complex and convoluted task.  This is especially difficult and stressful if it is all up to us to figure out at any given moment or in any given situation.  After all, we are all limited, finite beings on this journey through life.

We live out our lives in the midst of life-changing moral and ethical decisions every day.  Many experience that as a pressure simply too great or heavy to even think about.  It renders us vulnerable to experiencing just how limited and finite we really are, how fragile our grasp on control really is at any given moment.  We all choose some strategy or way of navigating our way through in an attempt of doing the best we can.

Millions around the world have just celebrated the high holy holidays of their faith.  In the Christian faith, Easter, the supreme example is Jesus.  He knew when to speak and when to remain silent.  Of course, many would debate that, since it resulted in his death.  It is only faith in the resurrection that refutes the perceived mistaken nature of his silence. 

The growing impetus in our world toward authenticity, transparency and integrity is good.  As our world faces the vulnerabilities of growing, experienced and known uncertainties, there is a powerful trend toward seeking some sort of personal and collective solution(s).  Many are floundering for the presentation of "a way" of navigating through well.  More and more there is a cry for a deep sense of well-being in the midst of it all.

Although the concept of balance is beneficial and effective when applied as a solution or corrective in some arenas.  It is limited in its scope as an application.  Balance is something that is sought as well as an effect to be maintained in one's pursuit of health and well-being.  Juxtaposed over against the concept of "balance" is the concept of "tension."  Having said that, however, the kind of tension to which I am referring cannot be humanly generated by attempting to do so.  It can never be the focus; it must always remain the effect.

Decades ago, I found myself living in the midst of an unexplainable tension. It was somewhat mysterious in nature, especially when I first realized it.  I did not know if or what else to connect it to in the rest of my life; I was simply aware of its presence.  The best metaphor for a life lived in the midst of that kind of tension is from childhood gymnastics.  It is like walking through life on that four inch "balance beam" (ironic); you could fall off either side at any given moment.

The irony of living this way is that you do not have to work at keeping the balance, it is this "mysterious tension" that holds you on that narrow four inch path.  It has been both a privilege and one of the greatest adventures of my life for the past four decades!  I have learned that not every mystery needs to be solved; some just need to be embraced! 

How about you?  To what do you ascribe in order to navigate your way through this maze we call life?  Are you even aware of the blueprint you have chosen?

Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!

 

 

LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                            
                                              "THE MATRIX OF OUR LIVES" 

 
Control is a powerful commodity in our world.  To attempt to obtain, possess and maintain control over that which we perceive we need is a human drive.  It is not simply an individual reality; it plays out on the global stage everyday.  Alliances are formed in pursuit of common acquisitions.  We cluster together in tightly or loosely formed communities in the service of some common goal, cause, challenge, etc. 

Although it can be, this is not necessarily a negative strategy.  A lot will be accomplished in our world today because people join together in pursuit of a common outcome.  It is the power of the collective; what we cannot accomplish alone might be attainable collectively.  This is why we form or join communities.  Many communities, then, are "homogeneous" in nature, formed on the basis of that which is similar or common.  There are, however, "heterogeneous" communities which emphasize diversity toward a desired outcome.

In recent blogs I have written about crisis and trauma.  One of the most powerful dynamics around those events is the overwhelming sense of powerlessness and the loss of control that can occur within seconds.  Anyone who has ever experienced crisis or trauma knows that transition into what many describe as a surreal or alternate reality.  I have never heard a survivor report enjoying the journey or experience.  It is startling, jarring, to say the least.  It can be acutely or chronically disturbing. 

This journey into a chaotic, "boundary-free zone," where literally anything is possible or can happen impacts one's grounding in oneself.  In a recent documentary on PTSD one survivor said seeing one of his parents was his threshold back, his first touch or experience with his former reality or world.
As I continued to watch the documentary there was one scene where survivors expressed their difficulty trying to talk to anyone about their experiences who had/has not had a similar experience.

Perhaps it would be wise for us to acknowledge that we do not know what it was/is like for them and that there may not be words to accurately describe their experience(s).  In our attempt or grasp for control over that which they already know was out of their control, they often feel missed and even more isolated.  It is often our misguided attempt to reach out, identify, fix, be helpful or get a handle on their experience.  It testifies to our lack of such experiences and says more about us, our strategies of helpfulness or our discomfort with existential angst.

Personally and as a therapist I have learned so much from just sitting with survivors or in my own "stuff" as a survivor.  If you are familiar with the story of Job you will recognize this as the failure of his friends who would have been far more effective if they could have just sat with Job.  Survival experiences "outside the box" often heighten one's sense of their own perceptual world(s).  This can have an adaptive outcome not just in the lives of the survivors themselves but in what they could potential contribute to any community.  How sad if those contributions are lost!

An adaptive response can be like a matrix out of which amazing new thoughts, insights and perceptions are generated.  These need not be threatening to us.  All of us as human beings live within a matrix whether we realize it or not.  The irony is our desire to analyze and control it robs us of all that could be ours.  Hmmm!  Food for thought; food for life!  I would love to expound on this one in an integrated treatise!

Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!

 

LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .

       
                                                  "NURTURING A CRISIS?" 


When I wrote the last two blogs regarding two of the episodes of violence experienced in the States over the past couple of weeks, I never imagined the following week in Canada would mirror that stat (Calgary and Regina). Most people I talk to agree that we are living in an increasingly unstable and unpredictable time.

Someone asked me why we miss the signs that such events are on the brink of occurring.  That is not an easy question to answer.  There are so many forces that come to bear on any individual's life at any given moment in time.  If we could predict who was going to do what at any given moment then it would mandate that we prevent these episodes from occurring.  They are especially disturbing because of their unpredictable and random nature.

Sometimes there absolutely are no signs of what is about to happen.  In other instances those involved may be acting out their crises in lesser instances building toward the bigger storm.  They often create a crisis to get help with the crisis they are already in but do not know how to verbalize or even attempt to secure the needed help.  Many of them are simply acting out what they have never learned or felt safe enough to talk about.  I believe that is a natural ability in some and a learned skill in others; to accurately communicate to others what is going on inside of us.

I do not believe there are simple answers to these complex issues.  I do, however, wonder about the stress on many family systems that may be contributing to some of the precipitating factors.  We are so busy, so "pulled in every direction" within modern family systems. Often those systems and/or the individuals within them end up fragmented or isolated, or both.  They feel they are left to find a way to get their own needs met or work out their own internal worlds. 

In addition, the whole social media milieu with its emphasis on the latest technology is moving us even further away from direct face-to-face communication.  We need time to build relationship with others in order to communicate at deeper levels, especially about what is troubling.  Somehow we are just supposed to be okay, to not need others.  Or at the very least, not to disturb others with our needs. Children and adolescents just sense whether or not they are invited to do so.

Every year we spend millions, if not billions, of dollars making sure our children get all kinds of opportunities to try or to develop whatever activities or skills in which they have an interest.  That is important to their development as individuals!  But how many parents actually spend time each year thinking about what each of their children need in terms of their emotional development? How many of us know that our parents were intentional in our emotional development?

There is much in this world over which we have no control.  We can, however, be intentional about emotionally nurturing each of our children according to their personal and developmental needs.  So often parents are willing but feel ill-equipped; they do not know how to pass on what they are not even sure they ever received or saw modelled.  It is never too late to learn; to become intentional in our own lives and the lives of those entrusted to our care.  Other's needs are not always comfortable or convenient to address.

So many of these crises are accompanied by eruptions of intense emotionality in both the victims and the perpetrators.  I wonder if the increasing frequency of anger/rage, depression, anxiety, suicide, cutting, bullying/aggression, violence, etc. isn't inviting us to reconsider the whole realm of emotional nurture as one component of emotional and mental health?  What do you think?  Maybe it is time we think about consciously intentionally nurturing ourselves and the ones closest to us on a regular basis.  Or perhaps just simply to think about what exactly it is we are nurturing!

Until next time .  . . this is, Just Janice!

LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                                 "A CLUSTER OFCRISES II"


A few minutes ago I watched an interview held by the Allegheny Health Authority in Monroeville, Pennsylvania with one of the victims of the mass stabbing at one of their local high schools this week.  I appreciated the way those doctors tried to be present to monitor and guide what was happening with their patient and his mother.  I especially appreciated them limiting it for their patient's sake.

I know that area of the States; it is beautiful! My husband and I were married in a small private ceremony in Monroeville.  The point?  Trauma and crisis is no respecter of context: it can happen anywhere.  It is not limited by socio-economic, political or geographic parameters.  It is a human problem.

As I watched, so many of the dynamics of trauma were either talked about, referred to or on display during the interview.  I found myself wanting to offer a response, some kind of commentary.  At first, I thought such would be inappropriate due to the raw nature of this trauma.  Then I heard the mother plea for those who are able to learn from this whatever it is we need to learn in order to inform some kind of deterrent to please do so.  The public nature of the interview is what prompts this response.

I observed the shock and numbness that puts what happens somewhat at a distance to protect us until we are in a better position to process what has just happened.  I heard and observed the dynamics of first-hand and second-hand trauma in the student and his mother.  I heard the adrenalin rush at work in those at that chaotic scene at the high school.  I observed the initial high associated with the immediate aftermath of trauma survival. I listened as multiple responses were being described at the scene and in the aftermath.  These are all indicative of trauma.

One of the comments this mother made respecting the individual natures of those involved as well as the broader context of the abuse of power and bullying was impressive!  So many of our young people are facing these potentially volatile situations everyday, just to get an education.  How sad!
So often those who are more prone to being internalizers are not proficient at putting into words what is happening to them or even how they are feeling.  They often act it out, either imploding or exploding when they become saturated, or on overload.  We may never know what finally triggered such acting out.  While that is no excuse, it is often what happens.

My condolences to all involved!  We need to be touched by these events; we must not experience them as the new normal in our society.  I applaud this young man and his mother: their honest presentation of themselves at this time; their courage; the inclinations of their hearts; their respect; their pleas that we face the severity of these problems in our society, learn and try to implement deterrents when and where possible. What an amazing woman; what an amazing young man!

Until next time. . . this is, Just Janice!

LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                                  "A CLUSTER OF CRISES"


We like simple answers.  Sometimes we reduce problems to simply a label.  It is as if once we can label something we somehow feel like we have dealt with it, or at least have come to a conclusion that explains or justifies why we do not have to deal with it.  Unfortunately, over a period of time that strategy will often and eventually snowball on those who refuse to face and address the initial issue needing attention.

There are examples of this phenomena in individual lives as well as at a systemic level: marriages, families, communities, businesses, politics, schools, churches, etc.  Sometimes we fail to address what needs to be addressed out of some emotional base like fear or guilt.  Sometimes we simply do not know where to begin or how to address complicated and convoluted issues.  Sometimes it is a refusal to feel that loss of control when life gets "messy." Perhaps, it is all of the above.

Recent events at Fort Hood reminded me of these realities.  Both our medical and our mental health systems are wrestling with how to effectively treat post traumatic stress disorder.  It is not a simple linear process.  As well, it is a relatively new discipline of study and treatment; this cluster of symptoms were set forth in the diagnostic criteria of psychiatry (DSM III) in the late eighties or early nineties of the last century.  The factors contributing to any given crisis or trauma or why it results in different effects in different individuals experiencing the same event are not always the same or easy to ferret out.

I grew up in an extended family where there have been or are more than fifteen military personnel including army intelligence and special forces.  My birth family system was powerfully shaped by the effects of crisis and trauma. When an individual is affected by crisis or trauma it effects the entire system. My father was an infantry soldier in the 34th Red Bull Division during WWII. It was a division that arose out of the National Guard in Minnesota and Iowa. That division saw more front-line days of combat than any other (between 500-600).  Their field of operation was North Africa, Sicily, Italy, etc.  They suffered over 21,000 casualties and over 3400 were missing in action.

My father was missing in action for close to three-quarters of a year before the Red Cross found him and he was medically discharged to the States with a label of "battle fatigue" or "shell shock."  He underwent shock treatments intermittently to deal with the disturbing symptoms. As a child, however, I did not know any of this; he was just "Dad." I do remember, however, being incredibly curious about him.  He was always in proximity but never really "with us."  I thought it mysterious!

It was not until I was in graduate school that I realized what had happened to my father. I realized that the cluster of symptoms was something he had, not who he was at the core of his being.  I had the privilege of talking to him about all of this on a trip home when the DSM label came out.  He went back to the Veterans Association who then knew more about how to provide what he needed.  He changed through these interventions.  As well, it allowed him to come to terms with other realities he probably never would have been able to even think about talking about or resolving.

One need only listen to the news to realize our world is seeing more and more examples of individuals and systems experiencing crises and traumas.  We wonder if the phenomena are really increasing in frequency and intensity or are we just more aware of them through social media?  How do we even begin to address what is happening?

I believe part of the reason I have worked in the field of mental health for the past twenty years is that it is my adaptive response to where I grew up.  I believe we need to continue to grow in our collective understanding, early intervention and treatment of these clusters of symptoms and crises as they present themselves in various settings and circumstances.

This blog may seem like a disruption to the flow of previous blogs.  It is actually more of an expression from the psychological side of the integration I hope to attempt one day and that was
mentioned in my last blog.  I do not believe we have even begun to plum the depths of the resources available to us.  Actually, I do not believe we have approached the whole topic from a deep enough or inclusive enough model.  I love the saying, "every heart knows its own pain."  How do we deal with the pain and crises that touch our lives?  Are we satisfied with the outcomes or resolves we have experienced to date?

Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!