LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                                  "THE MISUSE OF AGGRESSION"   


I have been thinking a lot about aggression in our world. Our tendency is to see all aggression as destructive or undesirable. Is it? What about sports? We often vicariously discharge our aggression from spectator seats.  Attendance at the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup, the World Cup in Soccer, etc. are all examples of our love of watching various forms of aggression. What about boxing, wrestling, martial arts or the many forms of organized fighting?

Webster defines both sides of aggression, both destructive and constructive.  He defines the latter in terms of drive, initiative and enterprise.  A  lot will be accomplished in this world today through an appropriate use of aggression. Yet, we most often associate aggression with the ones we see in action movies, video games, bullying, war or examples reported daily on news programs. It is a challenge to sift and sort through the myriads of examples to affirm only those that are potentially healthy.

Anger is much the same way; we most readily identify the more explicit, aggressive forms of it than with its counterpart, passive-aggressive anger.  The epitome of the latter is stubbornness and procrastination.  How often do we stubbornly dig in our heels about something or stubbornly put off doing something because we are angry (annoyed, irritated, agitated, frustrated. . . enraged) about having to do it.  Again, sifting and sorting through various expressions of emotionality and behavior is challenging.

Back to aggression. It can be both explicit and implicit in nature.  How much of our natural tendencies to express our aggression is biogenetic, personality-based, conditioned, substance-provoked, etc.  As well, there is often a difference between common expressions of aggression in men and women. Each have different tendencies in the expression of their aggression that parallels their natural power bases.  It is important to note that this is not categorically true, just tendencies.

Men often express aggression through the power of their voices, physically, or vocationally.  They are often in positions of power that allow for some expression or discharge of aggression regularly.  It is easier to identify these explicit expressions of aggression. They are right out there.  Boys, from a very young age, will tussle or fight to try to resolve some difference or conflict.  If men go implicit they may withdraw, refuse to engage, retreat into silence.

Women tend to gossip, isolate or exclude in order to express aggression. Girls may be more inclined to form cliques, not include another girl or blatantly exclude one (i.e. "you can't come to my birthday party!") in an act of aggressive disapproval.  These expressions are far more implicit and at times highly sophisticated; they are, however, no less aggressive.  Do not be fooled, however, into thinking that women cannot be as explicit as men.  In recent years these expressions have often shocked the public when stories surface in the news.

I am convinced that we need more teaching and instruction about emotionality. We need more about what it means to emotionally nurture our children in healthy ways. It is not a simple linear formula.  Each of us are different and what we need at any given moment may be different.  We have a tendency to want "formula living."  I have often wondered if we realize how that is more about our existential need to know the right answers than to really learn what it means to be responsible for our own selves and interact respectfully. 

We do not live in simple times.  Living well does not just happen; it is a conscious, intentional decision.  It is replete with moral and ethical questions.  Yet, it is what is so indicated in these often complex and turbulent times. Do we know ourselves well enough to know when we are being angry or aggressive?  Do we know when it is happening to us?  These are not easily discerned on an individual basis.  We need to work at it.

Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!