LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .




                                                     "WHAT'S PRIMARILY OUR'S"




When I was young one of my family's nicknames for me was "Chatty Cathy."  It concerned my mother that I always wanted to talk to people.  The more "interesting" they appeared, the more I wanted to talk to them, to know their story.  At nine I announced to her that I thought people were like biographies I wanted to read and one day write my own story.  


Shortly after that announcement, multiple events in my life took me from being "Chatty Cathy" to "The Silent Observer" in my family.  Even now in my sixties, if you put me in a family setting I will probably become the latter for the purpose of absorbing and learning from all that is going on around me.  I am fascinated by who we are as human beings; our capacities for that which is glorious, inglorious and everything in between.


The events that took place during those years resulted in my determination to process my own "stuff" in life first, if at all possible and to whatever degree I had an awareness of the same.  I believe now that was the result of an incredibly painful childhood that more often than not was caused by the "transference of stuff" in the lives of those around me. When communities are powerfully invested in "the blame game," the fallout both individually and systemically, are somewhat predictable. It is a   painful experience for all.


I would far rather talk about responsibility for self than play the blame game.  I would rather embrace the existential hope within than look for circumstantial hope in the externals of life.  I would rather know the reality of what I call resurrection power than just rely on my natural resilience to make it through whatever life presents.  I would rather work at choosing to respond than simply allowing my reaction formation to win another day.


At the best of times control is illusive and limited.  Sometimes the only control we may have is in how we will choose to live the next moment, hour, day or month.  We long to believe we are more in control than we are; we buy into a kind of deception that ends up being a kind of set up for whatever fallout will inevitably follow.


We are not naturally drawn to living a conscious and intentional lifestyle.  That sounds "heavy" and threatens to take all the fun out of "just living" or "going with the flow."  Unfortunately, that takes us down the road of living more at the expense of others  than we realize.  If only we would, first and foremost, process ourselves primarily and others only after we are aware of and embrace our own "stuff," our propensities and vulnerabilities to behave less than gloriously intended might be held in check. 


If we embrace responsibility primarily for ourselves, I believe we would be more compassionate dealing with the shortcomings and vulnerabilities of others.  We would be far more effective whenever and wherever we need to bring self to bear on another's behavior or life.  We may be less inclined toward being or coming across as critical and judgmental.  That demands we reflect on that which is primarily ours first. This is something we will work at over our lifetime; it will never be a one-time fix.


Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!