LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"BE AWARE!"
Anne Murray's rendition of A Little Good News has been resonating in me this past week, especially in light of world news events. Its main refrain is, "we sure could use a little good news today." The longing for good news is powerful in modern times. Many have given up on hearing much of it in local, national or international broadcasts and refuse to even tune in, "It's too depressing!" And yet, the longing seems insatiable. Perhaps it is part of the human condition to long to be reminded of our "nobility," that we exist for so much more than we often witness in ourselves and others.
In my lifetime this longing has been immortalized in the artwork of Norman Rockwell, whose prints captured those precious everyday moments, the stuff memories are made of in our personal lives. As well, we have been warmed by Kodak's "priceless" commercials over the years. Having seen them or not often became a topic of conversation over coffee or around the office water cooler. Presently, we smile listening to stories of pay-it-forward actions by random citizens. How quickly others jump in and participate in an opportunity to be a part of something good. The longing is to hear how long such goodness was sustainable before it came to an end that time.
The longing to see the best in/of humanity is powerful. We long to be reminded that in the face of so many examples of the dark side of humanity, we can still hope to see genuine goodness. We long to see it all around us, in positive proactive situations as well as negative. We are deeply moved by stories of heroism in the face of present day crises. While we stand in awe of such courage and action we silently wish we had witnessed it under different circumstances.
It is interesting that Rockwell, Kodak, even Murray's song point toward finding what one person recently referred to as "the extraordinary in the ordinary." It is often in those little unrehearsed moments of life that we catch the purest glimpses of the extraordinary. I have become increasingly aware of this and have started to be more consciously aware of those glorious moments. I don't want to miss them! Those moments ground us in what is really important and noteworthy. They pull our focus away from all our busyness toward our being.
In my life it has been only as I have gazed upon the goodness of One that I have been transformed from the core of my being. Our focus shapes and defines us more than we realize. We want to believe that it does not matter what we engage, think about or focus on, as if it cannot "slip in" and become a part of our being. Have you ever noticed how we follow our focus? Think about driving--where were you taught to focus in order to steer correctly toward your desired destination?
Re-visioning exercises are usually for the purpose of re-focusing in order to reach some desired goal, objective or destination. More and more I am hearing about these kinds of activities at multiple levels in the world. It is as if we are realizing how off track we have become. The world is trying to re-focus regarding climate predictions, world health, governments, businesses, the markets,
communities, educational institutions and so forth.
Re-focusing and re-visioning are not limited to organizational structures. Sometimes we need to engage personally in such exercises. It is good to be reminded of who we are and who we want to be, our self-definitions, before outlining the appropriate focus to follow. How about you? Are you engaged in such an exercise in your life? Who are you? Where do you hope to end up?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"CONNECTING THE DOTS"
Children often enjoy working on connect-the-dot pictures. Perhaps it is more accurate to say children used to enjoy that activity. So much has changed in modern times, with the help of technology that
children can now create and participate in intricate virtual play even before attending school. It is amazing to watch what they are capable of doing with all the electronic equipment at their disposal. We all know there are both benefits and concerns regarding children and adolescents and technology.
Even if we never particularly enjoyed connect-the-dot pictures we all participate in creating pictures, real or perceived, by virtue of how we piece together bits of information or sensory data. Sometimes we create accurate pictures of reality and sometimes we do not. If nothing else, perhaps what we have created is an accurate picture of something from our own internal worlds. Perceived reality has consequences, accurate or otherwise.
We love being in control of the pictures we create by piecing together these bits or by selectively and "accurately" connecting the dots that reinforce our desires, longings, fears, threats, conclusions, etc. It is often a form of internalized self-validation. We just "know" that is the way it is, all the while failing to collect the information pertinent to creating some semblance of a picture closer to reality based on verifiable data. It is like science being based solely on a hunch rather than empirically verifiable hypotheses, testing and clinical trials that lead to some kind of conclusion.
So often in life how we choose to connect or not connect dots only becomes clearer in hindsight. Sometimes we connect dots and we should not have. Other times we fail to connect dots when it would have been more beneficial to have done so. It can be difficult not to jump to conclusions. That would require us to hold our hypotheses loosely, in a non-anxious posture regarding the need to know the final conclusion, while awaiting verification through additional information, time, etc.
Patience while waiting is hard at the best of times. It is even more difficult if one has been actively waiting a long time. Watch children who either refuse to wait or have been actively awaiting the fulfillment of a promise for some time. They often reach the limit of their ability to wait and change course. It is easy to lose heart, get weary and resolve the matter by simply giving up or taking some form of drastic action that forces the situation to come to some sort of a head toward "resolve." We are a world that longs for immediacy on so many levels. Practicing delayed gratification in sincere appreciation and grace stretches one. It is a building block of developing character.
Sometimes in our own patience or impatience we encourage others to follow our verbalized or modeled resolution patterns. We model connecting dots, drawing conclusions, delayed gratification, patience or impatience, etc. We all model a way of doing ourselves in relation to the rest of life. Are we content with the way we are approaching that challenge? Have we become complacent? Where are we being challenged to develop character as we move through the seasons of our lives?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"CONNECTING THE DOTS"
Children often enjoy working on connect-the-dot pictures. Perhaps it is more accurate to say children used to enjoy that activity. So much has changed in modern times, with the help of technology that
children can now create and participate in intricate virtual play even before attending school. It is amazing to watch what they are capable of doing with all the electronic equipment at their disposal. We all know there are both benefits and concerns regarding children and adolescents and technology.
Even if we never particularly enjoyed connect-the-dot pictures we all participate in creating pictures, real or perceived, by virtue of how we piece together bits of information or sensory data. Sometimes we create accurate pictures of reality and sometimes we do not. If nothing else, perhaps what we have created is an accurate picture of something from our own internal worlds. Perceived reality has consequences, accurate or otherwise.
We love being in control of the pictures we create by piecing together these bits or by selectively and "accurately" connecting the dots that reinforce our desires, longings, fears, threats, conclusions, etc. It is often a form of internalized self-validation. We just "know" that is the way it is, all the while failing to collect the information pertinent to creating some semblance of a picture closer to reality based on verifiable data. It is like science being based solely on a hunch rather than empirically verifiable hypotheses, testing and clinical trials that lead to some kind of conclusion.
So often in life how we choose to connect or not connect dots only becomes clearer in hindsight. Sometimes we connect dots and we should not have. Other times we fail to connect dots when it would have been more beneficial to have done so. It can be difficult not to jump to conclusions. That would require us to hold our hypotheses loosely, in a non-anxious posture regarding the need to know the final conclusion, while awaiting verification through additional information, time, etc.
Patience while waiting is hard at the best of times. It is even more difficult if one has been actively waiting a long time. Watch children who either refuse to wait or have been actively awaiting the fulfillment of a promise for some time. They often reach the limit of their ability to wait and change course. It is easy to lose heart, get weary and resolve the matter by simply giving up or taking some form of drastic action that forces the situation to come to some sort of a head toward "resolve." We are a world that longs for immediacy on so many levels. Practicing delayed gratification in sincere appreciation and grace stretches one. It is a building block of developing character.
Sometimes in our own patience or impatience we encourage others to follow our verbalized or modeled resolution patterns. We model connecting dots, drawing conclusions, delayed gratification, patience or impatience, etc. We all model a way of doing ourselves in relation to the rest of life. Are we content with the way we are approaching that challenge? Have we become complacent? Where are we being challenged to develop character as we move through the seasons of our lives?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"Boundaries Or Breaking Points"
I love watching sporting events. We often forget that from a spectator's perspective the game looks very different than from the field perspective of the players. Armchair coaches and commentators have the advantage of the bird's eye, or blimp, perspective. That often explains our frustration with players and coaches. What needed to be done looks so clear from our perspective; why didn't they see or anticipate the same and execute accordingly?
The same is true on so many levels in life. It is easy to comment or stand in judgment from a
spectator's perspective. It is so much harder to be "on the field" or "in the arena," in the thick of whatever situation trying to make accurate judgment calls and predict outcomes. That is not to say that we should not be spectators or that we should not have our own perspectives. It is just a good reminder to all of us to realize we are not "in their shoes." Who knows what we would really find ourselves doing if we were or if we were them?
We all have our comfort zones. Most of us do not like crossing those boundaries toward life outside of those zones. Some people throw up walls as if there is no life across those boundary lines. Or, they believe that even if there is life "out there" if cannot possibly be right, justifiable, normal or healthy. But what if life across those boundaries, or outside those walls, is all that another human being has ever known? What if it is their norm? Now, what? They are just wrong, abnormal or unhealthy?
Sometimes the people we learn the most from are those that are different from ourselves. They have so much to offer us if we can tolerate those differences long enough to consider what they offer. That does not mean we are going to jump the fence or be tainted by listening or entering into the dialogue. Those responses may be more of an indication of our own insecurities or anxieties around difference.
Perhaps it is an indication of our own vulnerabilities to outside influences.
Such engagement often tests the limits of our securities, reveals the true nature of our vulnerabilities and puts the spotlight on our existing anxieties. That in itself may present a growing experience rich in possibilities not based on embracing what they offer as much as a deeper understanding of oneself!
Having said all of this, it is important to realize that we all have our paradigms or filters through which we view life. We all have our morals and standards, our ethical school biases, our norms and our "normalized" norms, even if we are unaware or unable to accurately articulate them.
Are the boundaries of our comfort zones really healthy boundaries or indications of our breaking points based on our human and personal limitations? We all make choices conscious and otherwise regarding what we will do within and with what lies outside of our present comfort zones. What have you chosen to do historically? Are you still comfortable with that chosen path? If not, how would you like to change your strategy?
Increasingly, the challenges before us are multifaceted. Global situations are inviting us to either withdraw or engage at deeper levels than ever before. In order to do so we need to grow in our understanding of ourselves, others and the world. This includes a deeper understanding of the paradigms out of which we have chosen to live. It includes a deeper understanding of both our boundaries and our "breaking points."
In the arena of sports I love watching players passionately pursue a course of action or direction only to break right or left at a decisive moment and create a new pathway toward the intended goal. It often brings us to our feet cheering, or in complaint. Sometimes in life we need to do the same thing in order to get to the intended goal. This often implies steep learning curves, confronting our fears and embracing our dignity and freedom.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"Boundaries Or Breaking Points"
I love watching sporting events. We often forget that from a spectator's perspective the game looks very different than from the field perspective of the players. Armchair coaches and commentators have the advantage of the bird's eye, or blimp, perspective. That often explains our frustration with players and coaches. What needed to be done looks so clear from our perspective; why didn't they see or anticipate the same and execute accordingly?
The same is true on so many levels in life. It is easy to comment or stand in judgment from a
spectator's perspective. It is so much harder to be "on the field" or "in the arena," in the thick of whatever situation trying to make accurate judgment calls and predict outcomes. That is not to say that we should not be spectators or that we should not have our own perspectives. It is just a good reminder to all of us to realize we are not "in their shoes." Who knows what we would really find ourselves doing if we were or if we were them?
We all have our comfort zones. Most of us do not like crossing those boundaries toward life outside of those zones. Some people throw up walls as if there is no life across those boundary lines. Or, they believe that even if there is life "out there" if cannot possibly be right, justifiable, normal or healthy. But what if life across those boundaries, or outside those walls, is all that another human being has ever known? What if it is their norm? Now, what? They are just wrong, abnormal or unhealthy?
Sometimes the people we learn the most from are those that are different from ourselves. They have so much to offer us if we can tolerate those differences long enough to consider what they offer. That does not mean we are going to jump the fence or be tainted by listening or entering into the dialogue. Those responses may be more of an indication of our own insecurities or anxieties around difference.
Perhaps it is an indication of our own vulnerabilities to outside influences.
Such engagement often tests the limits of our securities, reveals the true nature of our vulnerabilities and puts the spotlight on our existing anxieties. That in itself may present a growing experience rich in possibilities not based on embracing what they offer as much as a deeper understanding of oneself!
Having said all of this, it is important to realize that we all have our paradigms or filters through which we view life. We all have our morals and standards, our ethical school biases, our norms and our "normalized" norms, even if we are unaware or unable to accurately articulate them.
Are the boundaries of our comfort zones really healthy boundaries or indications of our breaking points based on our human and personal limitations? We all make choices conscious and otherwise regarding what we will do within and with what lies outside of our present comfort zones. What have you chosen to do historically? Are you still comfortable with that chosen path? If not, how would you like to change your strategy?
Increasingly, the challenges before us are multifaceted. Global situations are inviting us to either withdraw or engage at deeper levels than ever before. In order to do so we need to grow in our understanding of ourselves, others and the world. This includes a deeper understanding of the paradigms out of which we have chosen to live. It includes a deeper understanding of both our boundaries and our "breaking points."
In the arena of sports I love watching players passionately pursue a course of action or direction only to break right or left at a decisive moment and create a new pathway toward the intended goal. It often brings us to our feet cheering, or in complaint. Sometimes in life we need to do the same thing in order to get to the intended goal. This often implies steep learning curves, confronting our fears and embracing our dignity and freedom.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"LANGUAGES WITHIN BOXING ARENAS"
As human beings we have all been conditioned in multiple contexts. At times there may be such a mixture of defining contexts that it takes years to come to a realization of the multifaceted nature of our conditioning influences, let alone the intersecting nature of them. It often resembles a Venn diagram from set theory (Set A intersects with Set B and forms Set C) in the field of mathematics.
Think about how convoluted and innovative that becomes when you have multiple or an infinite number of sets intersecting.
We are often unaware or unconditioned to recognize how many conditioned languages we speak out of these defining contexts. I will never forget being asked to proof read a doctoral dissertation as a "critical friend" in an academic process. It took hours for me to complete because I decided to do so by identifying the various language bases through which I was going to read it and comment on it by color-coding my responses with various colors of ink: as a woman, as a therapist, as a theologian, etc. I was shocked at the response of the student who did not appreciate the importance of language grids on our understanding of any given piece of work.
Have you ever been a part of a choral group so proficient at singing harmonic parts that when they are all blended a new part arises out of the blend that defies definition by virtue of the blend alone? It is uncanny to be a part of such a process and usually take a master conductor to pull it off well. It is somewhat illusive and mysterious. I have heard many try to explain its existence away in one fashion or another. It is as if they are unaware or cannot tolerate from a nonanxious posture why such might actually exist in the realm of wave theory.
I refer here to examples from the fields of mathematics and music because they are what I would call universal languages. No matter where you go 4 is 4 and middle C is middle C even if they are called by other names in other language bases or contexts. The same is true in many fields of science, like physics, medicine, etc. If it were not true that there are universal constants expressed in universal languages, how would scientists share their findings or collaborate in research? How would composers translate across language and cultural bases?
I would submit that this is not only true in one realm of life, like the hard sciences. I believe it is also true on the side of the soft sciences and existential disciplines. For example, I believe there are universal, if not eternal principles that one will never break, they will only be broken against them.
I have been trying to empirically observe the outworking of this foundational belief for decades. It is an interesting and dynamic field in which one must be comfortable allowing the mysterious to exist and be able to embrace it without always needing to explain or resolve it. Such a need will only limit one's ability to learn from that which is truly mysterious and unexplainable.
We are most comfortable with that which we can understand and tangibly grasp, those entities that are within the box of our comfort zones. Comfort zones, apart from or even based on biogenetics, are powerfully conditioned/conditioning entities. We are often uncomfortable with anything outside the box of our understanding. It creates anxieties within us. It limits our abilities to explore and learn, to be innovative while still holding on to the constants of life.
We stumble over language barriers and comfort zones more than we realize. That which is truly mysterious, truly outside the boxes of our understanding and comfort zones create anxieties within us. We all have a tendency to "box," compartmentalize, life in order to feel more secure. When you couple different language bases and comfort zones one begins to realize why there is so debate, defensiveness and sparring within the arenas of our lives!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"LANGUAGES WITHIN BOXING ARENAS"
As human beings we have all been conditioned in multiple contexts. At times there may be such a mixture of defining contexts that it takes years to come to a realization of the multifaceted nature of our conditioning influences, let alone the intersecting nature of them. It often resembles a Venn diagram from set theory (Set A intersects with Set B and forms Set C) in the field of mathematics.
Think about how convoluted and innovative that becomes when you have multiple or an infinite number of sets intersecting.
We are often unaware or unconditioned to recognize how many conditioned languages we speak out of these defining contexts. I will never forget being asked to proof read a doctoral dissertation as a "critical friend" in an academic process. It took hours for me to complete because I decided to do so by identifying the various language bases through which I was going to read it and comment on it by color-coding my responses with various colors of ink: as a woman, as a therapist, as a theologian, etc. I was shocked at the response of the student who did not appreciate the importance of language grids on our understanding of any given piece of work.
Have you ever been a part of a choral group so proficient at singing harmonic parts that when they are all blended a new part arises out of the blend that defies definition by virtue of the blend alone? It is uncanny to be a part of such a process and usually take a master conductor to pull it off well. It is somewhat illusive and mysterious. I have heard many try to explain its existence away in one fashion or another. It is as if they are unaware or cannot tolerate from a nonanxious posture why such might actually exist in the realm of wave theory.
I refer here to examples from the fields of mathematics and music because they are what I would call universal languages. No matter where you go 4 is 4 and middle C is middle C even if they are called by other names in other language bases or contexts. The same is true in many fields of science, like physics, medicine, etc. If it were not true that there are universal constants expressed in universal languages, how would scientists share their findings or collaborate in research? How would composers translate across language and cultural bases?
I would submit that this is not only true in one realm of life, like the hard sciences. I believe it is also true on the side of the soft sciences and existential disciplines. For example, I believe there are universal, if not eternal principles that one will never break, they will only be broken against them.
I have been trying to empirically observe the outworking of this foundational belief for decades. It is an interesting and dynamic field in which one must be comfortable allowing the mysterious to exist and be able to embrace it without always needing to explain or resolve it. Such a need will only limit one's ability to learn from that which is truly mysterious and unexplainable.
We are most comfortable with that which we can understand and tangibly grasp, those entities that are within the box of our comfort zones. Comfort zones, apart from or even based on biogenetics, are powerfully conditioned/conditioning entities. We are often uncomfortable with anything outside the box of our understanding. It creates anxieties within us. It limits our abilities to explore and learn, to be innovative while still holding on to the constants of life.
We stumble over language barriers and comfort zones more than we realize. That which is truly mysterious, truly outside the boxes of our understanding and comfort zones create anxieties within us. We all have a tendency to "box," compartmentalize, life in order to feel more secure. When you couple different language bases and comfort zones one begins to realize why there is so debate, defensiveness and sparring within the arenas of our lives!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, October 2, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"CERTAINTY IN AN UNCERTAIN WORLD"
A couple of events recently have prompted this blog about how to live with some kind of certainty in an increasingly uncertain world. In addition, how do parents raise children in that same milieu. I have heard two educators refer to the rise of anxiety in their students this fall. What do we need to consider in putting together our own plan for ourselves and our children that allows us to hold that tension between what is certain and what is uncertain?
We as adults need to figure out how to navigate life with all its uncertainties. One of the concerns nearest to our hearts and often the most powerful in our lives is the well-being of our children. When they are not doing well it is an effect of natural affection and parental instinct to carry them on the front or back burners of our hearts, which is often determined by our own perception of where their struggles fall on a continuum of warranted concern. It is good and healthy for our children to struggle in some ways and not in others. Do we know the difference?
We need to be parents who know how to live out having "a watchful eye" over them without generating increased levels of anxiety in them, even nonverbally. We know for a fact that children will just naturally take their cues of concern from their parents verbal and nonverbal communication. So it is important that we consciously and intentionally monitor our own awareness of what we might be communicating to them on any given day or in any given situation. Then, being aware of our own propensities out of our own issues, we need to teach and model for our children what we hope is a successful plan to develop healthy skill sets in them while still working on our own.
There are several principles we need to consider. First, try to be age and developmentally appropriate in terms of what each of your children are exposed to. They are all different and at different stages of development. They each have their own biogenetics, personality constructs, life experiences, birth order tendencies and so forth. One of the ways we "miss" children is through formulaic parenting. We need to make it a priority to know each of our children individually so we can effectively meet those nurturance needs. I call it preplanned parenthood; it has a strong preventative component.
Second, we need to be that safe harbor or pit stop (as adolescents) where they can come and access all the resources we have to offer them, internalize those resources and go back out into their worlds to practice mastery of self and the development of their own unique skill sets. Most parents would like to believe that just the fact that they possess some kind of love for their children means they are experienced as safe by all their children. That is not necessarily the case. This is why we need to know each of our children.
Third, we need to love them in ways that are healthy, developmentally appropriate and that reflect both who we uniquely are as well as who they uniquely are, according to their nurturance needs and love receptors. We need to be their biggest cheerleaders as they walk out our doors into their daily routines. We do not, however, want to teach them or condition them toward entitlement or that their worlds will always cater to them; we do this by not doing it in our homes out of a healthy sense of what they need developmentally. They still need to learn to live in this world.
Fourth, we need to be other-centered parents. At this point I would love to ask about our reasons for having children. I believe the choice to have children is a choice to invest in the lives of the next generation for their good. That is an amazingly gratifying and demanding experience. It is hard work. The best legacy many of us will leave this world are the kind of citizens we have invested in leaving to carry on long after we are gone. Having said all of this, I realize that many children in this world were not the conscious intentional choice of a healthy adult longing to invest in such a legacy.
We cannot control or change the increasing uncertainties of this world on so many levels. We can, however, do everything within our power to let our children know they have parents who love and accept them as unconditionally as we are capable of and who are willing to be there for them for as long as we can. Hopefully they will be able to internalize some measure of that and learn to be strong, self-respecting selves who can love and access the nurture they need to meet the challenges on a day to day basis. I hope they can be certain of their authentic selves and parental love as they walk out into that uncertain world.
One of the glaring issues this blog generates is the issue of not having had that kind of conditioning world for oneself before having your own children who are putting the spot light, without knowing it, on all those deficits in your own conditioning, etc. This, however, is focused more on children; so we will save that for another day. We are not without resources for filling those nurturance needs in our own lives while raising our children.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"CERTAINTY IN AN UNCERTAIN WORLD"
A couple of events recently have prompted this blog about how to live with some kind of certainty in an increasingly uncertain world. In addition, how do parents raise children in that same milieu. I have heard two educators refer to the rise of anxiety in their students this fall. What do we need to consider in putting together our own plan for ourselves and our children that allows us to hold that tension between what is certain and what is uncertain?
We as adults need to figure out how to navigate life with all its uncertainties. One of the concerns nearest to our hearts and often the most powerful in our lives is the well-being of our children. When they are not doing well it is an effect of natural affection and parental instinct to carry them on the front or back burners of our hearts, which is often determined by our own perception of where their struggles fall on a continuum of warranted concern. It is good and healthy for our children to struggle in some ways and not in others. Do we know the difference?
We need to be parents who know how to live out having "a watchful eye" over them without generating increased levels of anxiety in them, even nonverbally. We know for a fact that children will just naturally take their cues of concern from their parents verbal and nonverbal communication. So it is important that we consciously and intentionally monitor our own awareness of what we might be communicating to them on any given day or in any given situation. Then, being aware of our own propensities out of our own issues, we need to teach and model for our children what we hope is a successful plan to develop healthy skill sets in them while still working on our own.
There are several principles we need to consider. First, try to be age and developmentally appropriate in terms of what each of your children are exposed to. They are all different and at different stages of development. They each have their own biogenetics, personality constructs, life experiences, birth order tendencies and so forth. One of the ways we "miss" children is through formulaic parenting. We need to make it a priority to know each of our children individually so we can effectively meet those nurturance needs. I call it preplanned parenthood; it has a strong preventative component.
Second, we need to be that safe harbor or pit stop (as adolescents) where they can come and access all the resources we have to offer them, internalize those resources and go back out into their worlds to practice mastery of self and the development of their own unique skill sets. Most parents would like to believe that just the fact that they possess some kind of love for their children means they are experienced as safe by all their children. That is not necessarily the case. This is why we need to know each of our children.
Third, we need to love them in ways that are healthy, developmentally appropriate and that reflect both who we uniquely are as well as who they uniquely are, according to their nurturance needs and love receptors. We need to be their biggest cheerleaders as they walk out our doors into their daily routines. We do not, however, want to teach them or condition them toward entitlement or that their worlds will always cater to them; we do this by not doing it in our homes out of a healthy sense of what they need developmentally. They still need to learn to live in this world.
Fourth, we need to be other-centered parents. At this point I would love to ask about our reasons for having children. I believe the choice to have children is a choice to invest in the lives of the next generation for their good. That is an amazingly gratifying and demanding experience. It is hard work. The best legacy many of us will leave this world are the kind of citizens we have invested in leaving to carry on long after we are gone. Having said all of this, I realize that many children in this world were not the conscious intentional choice of a healthy adult longing to invest in such a legacy.
We cannot control or change the increasing uncertainties of this world on so many levels. We can, however, do everything within our power to let our children know they have parents who love and accept them as unconditionally as we are capable of and who are willing to be there for them for as long as we can. Hopefully they will be able to internalize some measure of that and learn to be strong, self-respecting selves who can love and access the nurture they need to meet the challenges on a day to day basis. I hope they can be certain of their authentic selves and parental love as they walk out into that uncertain world.
One of the glaring issues this blog generates is the issue of not having had that kind of conditioning world for oneself before having your own children who are putting the spot light, without knowing it, on all those deficits in your own conditioning, etc. This, however, is focused more on children; so we will save that for another day. We are not without resources for filling those nurturance needs in our own lives while raising our children.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)