LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .


                                        
                                               "THE HIDDEN TREASURES OF LIFE"




Have you ever had something in your life that was so special to you it was almost beyond description or comprehension?  Most of us would probably either want to tell everybody, nobody, or just a select few trustworthy companions on this journey we call life.  Of course, there are multiple factors that determine which of those responses we would embrace.  In some cases we might move through the process of telling no one, then a select few, followed by whoever wanted to know!


Those kind of discoveries or experiences demand utmost respect for the owner of the same.  To try to buy, manipulate or extort such only drives them deeper into hiding or underground.  All of this has had me thinking about the difference between privacy and secrecy.  For me, privacy is something deeply personal that is rightfully the property of its owner.  It is up to the owner of whatever to share if, when and where desired; it respects appropriate boundaries of ownership.


Secrecy is different.  It has a conscious intentionality to hide in order to protect its owner(s) from some undesirable outcome that is often more feared or perceived than a reality.  Years ago when I first started reading in the field of psychology, I read about what is called "family secrets."  My immediate response was, "well, of course, they exist; every family must have them!"  Having thought that, I was unaware of how guarded and powerful such entities really are. 


Shame is often attached to the exposure of both that which is private and that which is secretive.  The fear and anxieties around exposure are perceived to lead to the dreaded twins, shame and blame.  We all know these realities, perceived realities and dreaded realities.  The power of all of this cannot only shape our individual lives, it can shape entire systems or communities.  Sometimes those within the
systems are aware that is what is shaping their lives and choices and sometimes they are not. 


The power, then, can be either known or unknown, experienced or unexperienced.  The power can be experienced as invisible forces at work in our lives that we are unable to articulate.  Discovery is often what is indicated in order to break whatever power(s) is associated with them.  It often means being able to connect the dots.  That is what happens, for example, when we uncover generational patterns at work within our lives and families.


Sometimes when we are in a conscious, intentional process of identifying and breaking the power of generational patterns, we can feel a raging conflict within ourselves.  I have often thought of my life, in the face of such conflict, as the battleground between generations.  If we do not want to pass these patterns on to the next generation, then they need to stop with our generation; hence, the internalized conflict.


If we are committed to not pass on the legacies of what we have received from the last generation then there probably will be conflict within.  If our lives become the battlegrounds for those trends to stop or be checked; we cannot simply "go with the flow" of those forces at work in our lives.  We need to realize that we have agency in those conflicts, even as the perceived "battlegrounds."


I have known the reality of all of this on more levels than I have time or space to articulate at this time.  I have known this to comprise some of my life's greatest pain and joy!  The irony is that these latter two are integrally linked in my experience.  How about you?  Do you know all of this to be true of your life as well?  How do you identify these patterns and break their power in your life and family?


Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!