LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"MERGER WISHES"
One of the main news stories over the last day or two is the proposed merger between Tim Horton's and Burger King restaurants. Tim's merged with Wendy's a number of years ago but failed to expand into the U.S. marketplace as hoped. Perhaps this second attempt will be more successful!
When I heard the announcement I wondered about the terminology involved. We are familiar with the term "merger" in the market place. We are familiar with the concept of "partnership" as one of many potential business structures. When I think of partnership I think of some kind of an alliance or association that is mutually beneficial to the parties involved. When I think of merger I think more along the lines of two or more entities coming together to form some kind of new entity. At times merger can even result in one entity being absorbed into the other.
Business is not the only place we witness such attempts. Relationally there are "merger wishes" at work as well. Often we "couple" with the distinct hope that in doing so something we hope for will be actualized either individually or as a product of the partnership. Sometimes both parties are aware of the desired effects of such a union. At other times the personal agendas of such mergers may only be more or less known to one or both parties. Sometimes you know going into such an arrangement; while at other times you realize them in the process or only in the aftermath of such an attempt.
We have all read or heard of stories where elaborate schemes to manipulate, extort, steal from others have been attempted through what, on the surface, appear to be legitimate mergers. We have also read or heard stories regarding joint ventures that benefit many through the respectful associations and alliances with others who possess different resources or skill sets.
Are we ever totally aware of all the forces at work when two entities agree to work together for some reason? While some desires and agendas are consciously and intentionally shared by one or more of participants, others are more subconsciously at work. Even where there are elaborate contractually binding agreements we are not immune to hidden or subconscious agendas or intentionality.
The key to moving forward well depends on several factors being authentically at work. It requires moving forward with conscious and intentional transparency, not "hoped-for transparency," that is really a cover for hidden agendas. It requires trust based on deep integrity. It requires mutually-agreed upon outcomes where it is possible to anticipate and work toward the same. It requires entering into such a working alliance for the purpose of what you can give rather than what you can get from the joint venture.
Such working alliances require some degree of health in each of the participants and in their ability to communicate well, connect well and resolve conflict to the satisfaction of all in order to maximize the desired outcome. That does not mean it is always easy; it takes sincere work to do it well. It requires a developing sense of self-awareness as well as an awareness of others and relational dynamics. I prefer a paradigm of synergistic infrastructures when and where possible within superstructures. That does, however, require a certain tolerance of difference and the creative ability to carve out unique solutions.
Sound complicated at multiple levels? It is! The world stage is proof of its necessity, its successes and its failures for multiple reasons. That does not mean we should cease to work at it. If anything, we need to work harder at it for the benefit of others and our world. The concepts of collegiality and teamwork have been popular for years. Everybody does not have to be on the same team; everybody does not have to attempt to solve a world problem. We need to work at making a difference within our spheres of influence.
There is a growing awareness that the issues we face in our world appear to be increasingly complex, convoluted, perhaps even impossible to resolve. Why? We cannot even agree on what a resolution might look like. Many are giving up, hunkering down, pulling in and just taking care of their own. They feel it is beyond them to even know how or what they might contribute to any kind of a resolve.
More and more people are just trying to survive.
How about you? Where are you at in terms of using your influence for good, to contribute to the welfare of others and our world? My favorite news stories are when children and young people hear about a need and simply, fearlessly, decide to do something about it (like backpacks of toiletries for the homeless). They are using who they are within their spheres of influence. They are trying to make a difference by just being who they are!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"DEFINITIONS OF INTEGRITY"
Have you ever thought about the fact that definitions are often two-sided? We define things both by what they are and by what they are not. We often begin with what something is not as a means of trying to figure out what it is. We know what we do not want but are unsure of exactly what we do want. We do this on multiple levels across our lives. It is a normal process.
Adolescents often do this in terms of trying to figure out their own identities. They know who they are not; "I am not you Dad and I am not you Mom!" It is a part of their differentiation to declare that they are different than either of their parents. Then they move toward their peers, their studies or some activities to try to figure out who they are; they are individuating. "I am not you . . . I am different than you . . . I am trying to figure out who I am." This often occurs quietly, almost without notice. At other times it can be quite a tumultuous process for both parents and adolescents.
In adult life it continues to be a challenge. It often feels disruptive to one member of a couple when the other is still defining themselves. It can feel threatening if one member tends to be more static in their being and the other is more dynamic. Can the relationship bear the tensions as each grows across the life cycle and the seasons of life? Growth implies change. Can our relationships bear those transitions and the tensions those processes generate?
We seem to live in a world that is very much in flux. That seems to be generating a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. By the time we embrace one change it is already outdated and the next shift is in process. We especially see this in the field of technology and social media. Some fields seem to move forward at lightning speed while others lag far behind. For example, an advance in medical technology often occurs well in advance of all the ethical dilemmas the application of such an advance poses. Adjunct fields struggle to keep pace.
Figuring out who we are in the midst of a world in constant flux is a challenge. For example, what do we think about . . . what do we feel about . . . what would we like to choose in regard to whatever the present topic or situation is? Most of the time I believe it is us trying to figure out who we are in a cultural milieu that is constantly evolving or shifting. We are both static and dynamic beings; not to be confused with static and dynamic forces that come to bear on our lives at any given moment from external sources. Some times we feel bombarded from both within and externally and that can feel destabilizing.
As Fall approaches we will find ourselves in the midst of potentially numerous defining entities, forces and opportunities. I hope we will not be rattled by these as much as see them as opportunities to grow and change where indicated while hanging on to what we deem valuable as constants in ourselves and our lives. We will always live in a world in flux. It will always be a challenge. If we can figure out the constants and hold on to them tenaciously while embracing the tension of those shifting realities, we might have an easier journey.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"DEFINITIONS OF INTEGRITY"
Have you ever thought about the fact that definitions are often two-sided? We define things both by what they are and by what they are not. We often begin with what something is not as a means of trying to figure out what it is. We know what we do not want but are unsure of exactly what we do want. We do this on multiple levels across our lives. It is a normal process.
Adolescents often do this in terms of trying to figure out their own identities. They know who they are not; "I am not you Dad and I am not you Mom!" It is a part of their differentiation to declare that they are different than either of their parents. Then they move toward their peers, their studies or some activities to try to figure out who they are; they are individuating. "I am not you . . . I am different than you . . . I am trying to figure out who I am." This often occurs quietly, almost without notice. At other times it can be quite a tumultuous process for both parents and adolescents.
In adult life it continues to be a challenge. It often feels disruptive to one member of a couple when the other is still defining themselves. It can feel threatening if one member tends to be more static in their being and the other is more dynamic. Can the relationship bear the tensions as each grows across the life cycle and the seasons of life? Growth implies change. Can our relationships bear those transitions and the tensions those processes generate?
We seem to live in a world that is very much in flux. That seems to be generating a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. By the time we embrace one change it is already outdated and the next shift is in process. We especially see this in the field of technology and social media. Some fields seem to move forward at lightning speed while others lag far behind. For example, an advance in medical technology often occurs well in advance of all the ethical dilemmas the application of such an advance poses. Adjunct fields struggle to keep pace.
Figuring out who we are in the midst of a world in constant flux is a challenge. For example, what do we think about . . . what do we feel about . . . what would we like to choose in regard to whatever the present topic or situation is? Most of the time I believe it is us trying to figure out who we are in a cultural milieu that is constantly evolving or shifting. We are both static and dynamic beings; not to be confused with static and dynamic forces that come to bear on our lives at any given moment from external sources. Some times we feel bombarded from both within and externally and that can feel destabilizing.
As Fall approaches we will find ourselves in the midst of potentially numerous defining entities, forces and opportunities. I hope we will not be rattled by these as much as see them as opportunities to grow and change where indicated while hanging on to what we deem valuable as constants in ourselves and our lives. We will always live in a world in flux. It will always be a challenge. If we can figure out the constants and hold on to them tenaciously while embracing the tension of those shifting realities, we might have an easier journey.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"WHAT IN THE WORLD ?"
More people are questioning what is happening to what once were their stable and reliable constants. All of the shifts occurring around them are being experienced as disconcerting, disturbing, even destabilizing at times. We do not live in a static world. We live in the midst of ever-increasing dynamics that are becoming more complex and convoluted with the passage of time.
Weather dynamics seem to be more intense: climate change, shifting seasonal patterns, flooding, drought, raging forest fires, tsunamis, dust storms, tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes. Crises in environmental dynamics are impacting our lives: the presence of blue algae in bodies of water that are potentially toxic, the demise of the bee population, fish dying and washing ashore, the problem with muscles affecting our lakes, birds falling out of the sky dead without explanation.
Socially people are more withdrawn, less engaging in person with the rise of social media and new electronic devices. The dependence on these devices is increasing exponentially, even to the point of affecting the laws regarding the use of them. They have become problematic in our homes, schools, even our vehicles. Our bonding, attachment and connection needs are met through dependency on our devices.
Political dynamics are more uncertain at all levels: yesterday's allies are today's enemies; the fragmentation of powerful entities around the world into splinter groups vying for control of the earth's resources; political parties warring among themselves, even splitting to espouse their platforms. There is a profound loss of faith in the political systems that have held societies together for centuries. People no longer believe their voices will really be heard or make a difference. I cannot remember a time when so many have taken to the streets in protest globally.
Financially there appears to be a widening gap between the upper and lower classes around the world. People are less sure of financial institutions, the markets and those who manage them. Many governments are reacting to the shifting trade and business dynamics globally: the effect of global outsourcing, historic tax sources following that outsourcing, new treaty relations to perpetuate import and export markets where old ones have shifted. Debt levels are climbing exponentially.
Ideologically many are lost, confused and leery of philosophical and spiritual beliefs they once embraced for strength, hope and stability. Where do we look for some kind of stability? Where do we find strength? Where do we find whatever hope we embrace? So many of the trusted sources have lost their appeal or are wearing "thin" in the midst of all that is happening in our world. One after another they are being exposed as limited or even impotent.
So in light of all that is happening in our world, where is the potential for good? I believe all of this is leading many to seek that which is simpler, authentic, trust-worthy. I believe more people are beginning to look for and be grateful for what they do have. Perhaps we need to get back to basics, to examine the foundations on which we are building our lives. "What in the world" do you think?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"WHAT IN THE WORLD ?"
More people are questioning what is happening to what once were their stable and reliable constants. All of the shifts occurring around them are being experienced as disconcerting, disturbing, even destabilizing at times. We do not live in a static world. We live in the midst of ever-increasing dynamics that are becoming more complex and convoluted with the passage of time.
Weather dynamics seem to be more intense: climate change, shifting seasonal patterns, flooding, drought, raging forest fires, tsunamis, dust storms, tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes. Crises in environmental dynamics are impacting our lives: the presence of blue algae in bodies of water that are potentially toxic, the demise of the bee population, fish dying and washing ashore, the problem with muscles affecting our lakes, birds falling out of the sky dead without explanation.
Socially people are more withdrawn, less engaging in person with the rise of social media and new electronic devices. The dependence on these devices is increasing exponentially, even to the point of affecting the laws regarding the use of them. They have become problematic in our homes, schools, even our vehicles. Our bonding, attachment and connection needs are met through dependency on our devices.
Political dynamics are more uncertain at all levels: yesterday's allies are today's enemies; the fragmentation of powerful entities around the world into splinter groups vying for control of the earth's resources; political parties warring among themselves, even splitting to espouse their platforms. There is a profound loss of faith in the political systems that have held societies together for centuries. People no longer believe their voices will really be heard or make a difference. I cannot remember a time when so many have taken to the streets in protest globally.
Financially there appears to be a widening gap between the upper and lower classes around the world. People are less sure of financial institutions, the markets and those who manage them. Many governments are reacting to the shifting trade and business dynamics globally: the effect of global outsourcing, historic tax sources following that outsourcing, new treaty relations to perpetuate import and export markets where old ones have shifted. Debt levels are climbing exponentially.
Ideologically many are lost, confused and leery of philosophical and spiritual beliefs they once embraced for strength, hope and stability. Where do we look for some kind of stability? Where do we find strength? Where do we find whatever hope we embrace? So many of the trusted sources have lost their appeal or are wearing "thin" in the midst of all that is happening in our world. One after another they are being exposed as limited or even impotent.
So in light of all that is happening in our world, where is the potential for good? I believe all of this is leading many to seek that which is simpler, authentic, trust-worthy. I believe more people are beginning to look for and be grateful for what they do have. Perhaps we need to get back to basics, to examine the foundations on which we are building our lives. "What in the world" do you think?
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"THE SAFETY INHERENT IN WELCOME"
I have been thinking a lot about safety in community. Safety is an important ingredient in any healthy growing community. Sometimes in our propensity to form homogenous communities which are based on similarity, we fail to realize the limitations of the similarities we impose. They often go beyond the stated parameters of a community's self-definition. As well, they often contradict the very purpose for which the community exists in the first place.
Most people seek community where they can belong, where they can fit. Some communities are, by self-definition, there to serve the needs of a select population group. There is a kind of integrity in such a stated purpose. These communities are selectively inclusive. There are other communities that are open to almost anyone, even those that are radically different; they are heterogeneous in nature. These are very different types of communities with different limitations, vulnerabilities and issues.
One of the phenomena of our times is that some communities are struggling to stay alive and vibrant due to a fallout in attendance, participation and committed membership. This is an example where the solutions we seek to such trends often take us down errant paths. We seek to appeal to outsiders but fail to ask the difficult questions regarding why our organization seems to possess a revolving door of some kind. It is always easier to blame those who have cycled through as if there is nothing of a systemic nature that needs addressing.
One of the primary criteria of safety is genuine welcome. That may be a new thought to many; that safety and welcome are integrally linked. If we think about human development we can recognize the importance of this with infants. Most people are drawn to a new baby; we welcome them to the point it is a competition as to who can hold them at showers, family gatherings, etc. We are so taken with them our entire focus goes into making sure their needs are met and they are comfortable. Our nurture of them is probably one of the best examples of true other-centeredness.
It is also of interest that babies that do not get that kind of welcome after birth often fail to bond and attach. Some of them end up with reactive detachment disorder and fail to attach to anyone across their lifecycles at any significant or intimate level. We know that children read cues in community. They seem to instinctively know who they are comfortable being with and who they are leery of.
Adults are like this as well, even if they cannot put it in words.
We are all conditioned that certain dynamics are safe; it becomes normalized but not necessarily normal. For example, we are seeing horrific examples of children who have been conditioned to trust when they should not and those who do not trust and should. This often lead to disastrous and dangerous situations that end up being traumatizing or life-threatening.
What does it mean to be truly welcoming in community? What does it mean to be truly safe for others entering in? Is welcoming others about us or them; on our terms or theirs'? Is it a mutually agreed upon dynamic? It is a worthy endeavor to ask ourselves not only what or who it is that we experience as "normally safe," but why? Do we know the limits of our other-centeredness; where we cross over into our own vulnerabilities and limitations? Where it becomes too much about us and not enough about the other? Whom do we welcome? For whom are we safe?
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
"THE SAFETY INHERENT IN WELCOME"
I have been thinking a lot about safety in community. Safety is an important ingredient in any healthy growing community. Sometimes in our propensity to form homogenous communities which are based on similarity, we fail to realize the limitations of the similarities we impose. They often go beyond the stated parameters of a community's self-definition. As well, they often contradict the very purpose for which the community exists in the first place.
Most people seek community where they can belong, where they can fit. Some communities are, by self-definition, there to serve the needs of a select population group. There is a kind of integrity in such a stated purpose. These communities are selectively inclusive. There are other communities that are open to almost anyone, even those that are radically different; they are heterogeneous in nature. These are very different types of communities with different limitations, vulnerabilities and issues.
One of the phenomena of our times is that some communities are struggling to stay alive and vibrant due to a fallout in attendance, participation and committed membership. This is an example where the solutions we seek to such trends often take us down errant paths. We seek to appeal to outsiders but fail to ask the difficult questions regarding why our organization seems to possess a revolving door of some kind. It is always easier to blame those who have cycled through as if there is nothing of a systemic nature that needs addressing.
One of the primary criteria of safety is genuine welcome. That may be a new thought to many; that safety and welcome are integrally linked. If we think about human development we can recognize the importance of this with infants. Most people are drawn to a new baby; we welcome them to the point it is a competition as to who can hold them at showers, family gatherings, etc. We are so taken with them our entire focus goes into making sure their needs are met and they are comfortable. Our nurture of them is probably one of the best examples of true other-centeredness.
It is also of interest that babies that do not get that kind of welcome after birth often fail to bond and attach. Some of them end up with reactive detachment disorder and fail to attach to anyone across their lifecycles at any significant or intimate level. We know that children read cues in community. They seem to instinctively know who they are comfortable being with and who they are leery of.
Adults are like this as well, even if they cannot put it in words.
We are all conditioned that certain dynamics are safe; it becomes normalized but not necessarily normal. For example, we are seeing horrific examples of children who have been conditioned to trust when they should not and those who do not trust and should. This often lead to disastrous and dangerous situations that end up being traumatizing or life-threatening.
What does it mean to be truly welcoming in community? What does it mean to be truly safe for others entering in? Is welcoming others about us or them; on our terms or theirs'? Is it a mutually agreed upon dynamic? It is a worthy endeavor to ask ourselves not only what or who it is that we experience as "normally safe," but why? Do we know the limits of our other-centeredness; where we cross over into our own vulnerabilities and limitations? Where it becomes too much about us and not enough about the other? Whom do we welcome? For whom are we safe?
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"THE WINDS OF CHANGE"
After seven months of Winter with temperatures below 20 C followed by a cold, damp Spring it is good to finally look out my window and see the promise of Summer by mid-July. Here's hoping! It reminds me that even climate can change, temporarily or permanently. There are lots of "climates" that are changing in our world(s). Applying Webster, it indicates that "the prevailing atmosphere or environment" is undergoing some significant shifts.
I am fascinated by what does and does not change in any given system when change is indicated. I think this is one of the greatest mistakes made. History bears it out! In an attempt to solve a current situation a solution is embraced that may appear to deal with the precipitating issue but fails to address the deeper, underlying source of the problem. To do this well requires a lot of thought from all different angles and at all different levels. Treating symptoms is not always a permanent cure.
It is so easy to buy into the tyranny of the urgent to resolve our anxieties related to a given situation. We need to look at where those situations are generating anxieties within ourselves. The external often points to something deeper that needs addressing within us. Our need to be okay in the moment often sabotages our being okay in the bigger picture. We often find ourselves in repetitive situations or relationships. We fail to learn the lessons of the past and present and need to repeat in the future.
Getting stuck in "patternistic" behaviors or even cycles of the same is often the result of such failures. It is difficult for us to think outside our given paradigms and stretch the parameters of the same. This is where education often comes in; it forces us to challenge and push the parameters of our thinking. This is where therapy can serve a purpose in our lives. It is good for us to grow. All learning indicates change. Change is not necessarily healthy or unhealthy; it can be just change.
Sometimes surrounding ourselves with only or mostly those who affirm and agree with our thinking only entrenches these patterns deeper and the cycles continue. Change and difference are so threatening to us; they generate a lot of anxieties within. We often miss out on what is available to us through our inabilities to tolerate both.
Life is full of conflicts begging our attention and ultimately solutions. We selectively choose which we will participate in to work toward solutions. Often we triage the conflicts in our lives into a hierarchy of priorities. Sometimes we hope they just simply resolve themselves or go away so we never have to face those conflicts both within and outside of ourselves.
I wonder what it would take for us to truly come to terms with conflict as a part of living in this world? What would it take for us to not fear difference and change? What would it mean for us to embrace our own anxieties responsibly and wrestle them down?
Perhaps the task before us is to learn to love non-anxiously. Mature love has learned to deal with the fears and anxieties that cause us to dread even approaching or walking into those arenas. Do we understand that entities like dread, paranoia, even compulsion are replete with guilt; or worse, they may affect our very identities and become shame-driven?
We are not living in simpler times; that is what we long for! We are not going to be able to always make that happen. Perhaps we need to come to terms with ourselves so it is easier to enter into the conflicts of our lives and the world around us. I cannot always change my world but I can think about who I am in relation to my world, what I can change about myself. Sometimes that is the best we have!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"THE WINDS OF CHANGE"
After seven months of Winter with temperatures below 20 C followed by a cold, damp Spring it is good to finally look out my window and see the promise of Summer by mid-July. Here's hoping! It reminds me that even climate can change, temporarily or permanently. There are lots of "climates" that are changing in our world(s). Applying Webster, it indicates that "the prevailing atmosphere or environment" is undergoing some significant shifts.
I am fascinated by what does and does not change in any given system when change is indicated. I think this is one of the greatest mistakes made. History bears it out! In an attempt to solve a current situation a solution is embraced that may appear to deal with the precipitating issue but fails to address the deeper, underlying source of the problem. To do this well requires a lot of thought from all different angles and at all different levels. Treating symptoms is not always a permanent cure.
It is so easy to buy into the tyranny of the urgent to resolve our anxieties related to a given situation. We need to look at where those situations are generating anxieties within ourselves. The external often points to something deeper that needs addressing within us. Our need to be okay in the moment often sabotages our being okay in the bigger picture. We often find ourselves in repetitive situations or relationships. We fail to learn the lessons of the past and present and need to repeat in the future.
Getting stuck in "patternistic" behaviors or even cycles of the same is often the result of such failures. It is difficult for us to think outside our given paradigms and stretch the parameters of the same. This is where education often comes in; it forces us to challenge and push the parameters of our thinking. This is where therapy can serve a purpose in our lives. It is good for us to grow. All learning indicates change. Change is not necessarily healthy or unhealthy; it can be just change.
Sometimes surrounding ourselves with only or mostly those who affirm and agree with our thinking only entrenches these patterns deeper and the cycles continue. Change and difference are so threatening to us; they generate a lot of anxieties within. We often miss out on what is available to us through our inabilities to tolerate both.
Life is full of conflicts begging our attention and ultimately solutions. We selectively choose which we will participate in to work toward solutions. Often we triage the conflicts in our lives into a hierarchy of priorities. Sometimes we hope they just simply resolve themselves or go away so we never have to face those conflicts both within and outside of ourselves.
I wonder what it would take for us to truly come to terms with conflict as a part of living in this world? What would it take for us to not fear difference and change? What would it mean for us to embrace our own anxieties responsibly and wrestle them down?
Perhaps the task before us is to learn to love non-anxiously. Mature love has learned to deal with the fears and anxieties that cause us to dread even approaching or walking into those arenas. Do we understand that entities like dread, paranoia, even compulsion are replete with guilt; or worse, they may affect our very identities and become shame-driven?
We are not living in simpler times; that is what we long for! We are not going to be able to always make that happen. Perhaps we need to come to terms with ourselves so it is easier to enter into the conflicts of our lives and the world around us. I cannot always change my world but I can think about who I am in relation to my world, what I can change about myself. Sometimes that is the best we have!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"I NEED WHAT?"
Everyone has needs. Everyone has desires. They are certainly not the same thing! Living in a society that is increasingly narcissistic it is interesting to watch how many desires have been turned into "legitimate" needs. In contrast, sometimes we turn our needs into desires so it is not so painful or disappointing to not have them met.
We often struggle to know if we have confused needs and desires. An easy way to distinguish is by the effect. Our initial response to a blocked desire is often disappointment. A blocked need may result in some sense of anger. Even in these primary responses, we can quickly power up to a secondary response that confuses distinguishing by solely the effect when either is thwarted.
Another dynamic in our perception of both is early childhood conditioning that becomes our default setting. For example, those who have known some measure of deprivation may have totally lost touch with what might be called "norms." What we grow up with or stay in too long may distort our intuitive sense of what is "normal;" it may simply be what has become "normalized." On the flip side, if children are overindulged that distorts their norms as well. We are vulnerable on both sides.
All of this occurs on both individual and systemic levels. If at a systemic level a legitimate need is not acknowledged, addressed or nurtured, it may become normalized that it is in fact something one does not need. This may lead to a kind of dysthymic or depressive response within individuals they do not even have a paradigm with which to conceptualize what has happened to them. There may just be a nagging but undefined sense that they need something but have no clue what it is.
On the flip side there could be an enraged sense one is entitled to something they cannot fathom that "life" or others are not providing them. Their only paradigm is that they should have whatever it is and often immediately. This may occur if one is overindulged or fails to learn delayed gratification.
Again, this may be the result of converting legitimate desires into perceived needs.
It is a continual life process to sift and sort out what one really needs or simply desires. It is not the same across the life cycle; some are more age appropriate or oriented to a particular season of life. It is part of healthy character development to be able to define, differentiate and live out the reality of our needs and desires with dignity. It is not a simple linear formula toward a successful outcome.
There is very little in life we can constantly and consistently change or control. To make either our goal in relation to having our needs and/or desires met may take us down the road to manipulative strategies. Sometimes we fall into this trap without realizing it until hindsight engages us in a retrospective process.
So we work at it! Hopefully, we offer grace along the way to fellow travellers on this journey we call life. Hopefully, we do not shame others along the way for being different, for desiring or needing something different than we think we would or they should.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"I NEED WHAT?"
Everyone has needs. Everyone has desires. They are certainly not the same thing! Living in a society that is increasingly narcissistic it is interesting to watch how many desires have been turned into "legitimate" needs. In contrast, sometimes we turn our needs into desires so it is not so painful or disappointing to not have them met.
We often struggle to know if we have confused needs and desires. An easy way to distinguish is by the effect. Our initial response to a blocked desire is often disappointment. A blocked need may result in some sense of anger. Even in these primary responses, we can quickly power up to a secondary response that confuses distinguishing by solely the effect when either is thwarted.
Another dynamic in our perception of both is early childhood conditioning that becomes our default setting. For example, those who have known some measure of deprivation may have totally lost touch with what might be called "norms." What we grow up with or stay in too long may distort our intuitive sense of what is "normal;" it may simply be what has become "normalized." On the flip side, if children are overindulged that distorts their norms as well. We are vulnerable on both sides.
All of this occurs on both individual and systemic levels. If at a systemic level a legitimate need is not acknowledged, addressed or nurtured, it may become normalized that it is in fact something one does not need. This may lead to a kind of dysthymic or depressive response within individuals they do not even have a paradigm with which to conceptualize what has happened to them. There may just be a nagging but undefined sense that they need something but have no clue what it is.
On the flip side there could be an enraged sense one is entitled to something they cannot fathom that "life" or others are not providing them. Their only paradigm is that they should have whatever it is and often immediately. This may occur if one is overindulged or fails to learn delayed gratification.
Again, this may be the result of converting legitimate desires into perceived needs.
It is a continual life process to sift and sort out what one really needs or simply desires. It is not the same across the life cycle; some are more age appropriate or oriented to a particular season of life. It is part of healthy character development to be able to define, differentiate and live out the reality of our needs and desires with dignity. It is not a simple linear formula toward a successful outcome.
There is very little in life we can constantly and consistently change or control. To make either our goal in relation to having our needs and/or desires met may take us down the road to manipulative strategies. Sometimes we fall into this trap without realizing it until hindsight engages us in a retrospective process.
So we work at it! Hopefully, we offer grace along the way to fellow travellers on this journey we call life. Hopefully, we do not shame others along the way for being different, for desiring or needing something different than we think we would or they should.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, July 3, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"THE NATURE OF HOPE"
As I sit writing this blog I am able to look out over my front yard. It is a beautiful time of year for many, especially since it looks like our summer has finally arrived in Manitoba. After seven months of hard winter and a cooler, rainier Spring it is nice to enjoy the sunshine TODAY. As I write those words I am keenly aware that there are many who are not feeling the same sentiment, even on the western side of the Province where rains have impacted numerous communities in terms of homes and livelihoods.
I have a keen awareness that one person's hope may be another person's despair. Many believe hope is relative. One must admit there is truth in that; there is a hope that is based on numerous factors in an individual and their personal circumstances. Is there a hope that transcends the uncertainty of transient hope. Is there a hope that is sure? A hope that contains elements of certainty? I would argue for the existence of both. The difference is in the origin of the hope. In what is each "rooted"?
Let me illustrate. One of this earth's constants, even in atypical years like the one we have just experienced, are the four seasons. No matter what the nature of each of the four seasons in any given year, as illustrated in the first paragraph, we can be certain that we will have four seasons on earth each year. There is nothing we do to cause, control or change that. We could call it "the hope of/in nature." Some adhere to existential systems of belief based on both the certainty and uncertainty of the same.
It is no different than putting one's hope in the sun/moon/stars being a constant. The latter was deemed so constant navigation depended on the positioning of the various constellations for directional guidance. What about gravity? While it may be a constant here on earth, we all know that is not true in outer space. There are limitations. spatially, to putting one's hope in the existence of gravity or any of its properties.
We know that even as constant as these "more constant than most" entities appear, there are events that could altar the certainty of even the most certain realities. In the final analysis even the most seasoned scientist knows that as limited finite human beings we cannot control certainty. At the core it is more a matter of what we choose to put our faith in, to trust, as certain or constant. For scientists it is empirical, for the philosopher it is existential, for the religious it is ecclesiastical, for those who embrace a spirituality it is the origin and focus of the same. Perhaps for some it is a combination of more than one.
The question before each of us is where have we decided to seek and find our personal hope? It is okay to embrace transient, temporal "hopes," we all do! We are, however, living out a belief about where ultimate hope is found; even if we are not aware of it. Have you ever thought about what your life communicates about where yours originates? Perhaps what we choose says something about what we believe about ultimate or supreme realities. Food for thought!
Until next time . . . this is , Just Janice!
"THE NATURE OF HOPE"
As I sit writing this blog I am able to look out over my front yard. It is a beautiful time of year for many, especially since it looks like our summer has finally arrived in Manitoba. After seven months of hard winter and a cooler, rainier Spring it is nice to enjoy the sunshine TODAY. As I write those words I am keenly aware that there are many who are not feeling the same sentiment, even on the western side of the Province where rains have impacted numerous communities in terms of homes and livelihoods.
I have a keen awareness that one person's hope may be another person's despair. Many believe hope is relative. One must admit there is truth in that; there is a hope that is based on numerous factors in an individual and their personal circumstances. Is there a hope that transcends the uncertainty of transient hope. Is there a hope that is sure? A hope that contains elements of certainty? I would argue for the existence of both. The difference is in the origin of the hope. In what is each "rooted"?
Let me illustrate. One of this earth's constants, even in atypical years like the one we have just experienced, are the four seasons. No matter what the nature of each of the four seasons in any given year, as illustrated in the first paragraph, we can be certain that we will have four seasons on earth each year. There is nothing we do to cause, control or change that. We could call it "the hope of/in nature." Some adhere to existential systems of belief based on both the certainty and uncertainty of the same.
It is no different than putting one's hope in the sun/moon/stars being a constant. The latter was deemed so constant navigation depended on the positioning of the various constellations for directional guidance. What about gravity? While it may be a constant here on earth, we all know that is not true in outer space. There are limitations. spatially, to putting one's hope in the existence of gravity or any of its properties.
We know that even as constant as these "more constant than most" entities appear, there are events that could altar the certainty of even the most certain realities. In the final analysis even the most seasoned scientist knows that as limited finite human beings we cannot control certainty. At the core it is more a matter of what we choose to put our faith in, to trust, as certain or constant. For scientists it is empirical, for the philosopher it is existential, for the religious it is ecclesiastical, for those who embrace a spirituality it is the origin and focus of the same. Perhaps for some it is a combination of more than one.
The question before each of us is where have we decided to seek and find our personal hope? It is okay to embrace transient, temporal "hopes," we all do! We are, however, living out a belief about where ultimate hope is found; even if we are not aware of it. Have you ever thought about what your life communicates about where yours originates? Perhaps what we choose says something about what we believe about ultimate or supreme realities. Food for thought!
Until next time . . . this is , Just Janice!
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