LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SIGNS OF THE SEASON"
There are signs of the season all around those of us in Western society. It is the Christmas/Holiday season for millions. Those signs lift our spirits and enhance our anticipation of that which is to come. They also remind us of the hope associated with this season. It is good to be reminded and reflect on how much there is to be thankful for and hopeful about. In a world that is reeling with tragic incidents and uncertainty, this is especially indicated.
For Christmas celebrators those signs include decorations, busy malls, greeting cards, shopping lists, visits to Santa, baking, family gatherings, special programs and so forth. For others the signs and meaning of the season are different and often go unnoticed by the majority of the population. It is good for us to be reminded of this and sensitively acknowledge and respect the traditions of others as they celebrate.
It has always been interesting to me how many feel they betray their own beliefs and traditions if they respect another's. This may be proportional to the dichotomous nature of one's beliefs. It may be an expression of perceived loyalty. It may be fear of the unknown or discomfort with difference. It may simply be a quiet resignation to live out one's own dignity peacefully.
For many Christmas includes some acknowledgement or inclusion of a manger scene with Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. One of the most beloved Christmas carols is Silent Night. It is often sung to candlelight. In the Christmas story the Light of God is heralded to have been born into a dark world where God has been perceived of as silent. Biblical history has held to the belief that God had been silent for over four hundred years, during the time between the Old and New Testaments. That would imply that on that Silent Night God was breaking His silence in the birth of Jesus. Symbolic of that in the story is Zechariah's silence being broken at the time of John the Baptist's birth. Interesting!
Have you ever noticed that at this time of year we often hear from those we do not hear from any other time of year? It is part of the season. It comes in multiple formats: greeting cards, e cards, phone calls, texts, visits and so forth. There seems to be a need to greet others where we would otherwise neglect to do so. Greetings are one of the signs of the season. We almost feel compelled at this time of year to extend some kind of extra greeting to those we pass or meet.
Whatever our traditions or belief system I hope we will all make an extra effort to extend greetings to others. We never know the impact that may have on another individual or their day. It is important to be sensitive in doing so but to be paralyzed by a fear of offending is not good either. It is a good time to connect or reconnect. It is respectful to wish others and their families well.
Best wishes as you celebrate this Season. I trust that you will enjoy the signs of the season.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON"
What is it about this time of year that has such a profound effect on us: the anticipation of gifts, reconnecting with family and friends, celebrations, time off from daily routines, giving more than we normally would the rest of the year, or simply welcoming a new year? Whatever it is, this season can bring out both the best and the worst in us. Sometimes the worst comes about because of too much of the best. We anticipate, indulge and commiserate our exercise of excesses, in whatever direction, in the spirit of the season.
What is it about us that cycles through this year after year? Many vow they are not going to do it again next year and yet they know they will probably get caught up in the spirit of the season and repeat the cycle. It is almost like some kind of anticipated, exercised and often regretted catharsis. We need this time of year to somehow be special rather than disappointing. We need to feel like we have participated rather than having been left out.
It is interesting how much of the world pauses to take note of the season: there are temporary truces, cease fires, government shutdowns, market closures and so forth. It is interesting that it is somewhat of a global phenomenon even if only in reaction to those who do participate around the world at such high levels of societies. Its occurrence is acknowledged in many sectors of the world where it takes on a culturally different significance. Sometimes it is respected, sometimes it is rejected. Whatever our response or reaction, it makes a statement about us individually and culturally.
There is a part of us as human beings that I call existential self. It has to do with the meaning and significance we attach to our existence. Philosophers and theologians have debated it probably as long as we have possessed the language to do so. Many do not believe they even think about such "deep" topics and yet they are living out whatever it is they believe life is about. We all do. Some are just more conscious or intentional about "fleshing out" their existential beliefs.
There is a part of us that knows we were meant for some kind of connection. We need to somehow feel like we have been a part of something bigger than we are to validate something deep within us. Many believe that need is met by our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and so forth. Others believe it needs to include some kind of connection to an existential being. AA calls it "a higher power." Some believe it is an extra-terrestrial connection, aliens. World religions describe and prescribe connection to the person or object of their faith or stated belief system.
What does all of this have to do with the Holiday season? Is there any connection? It is in many cultures and celebrations an intrinsically existential celebration. How about you? What meaning do you assign to your celebrations? Perhaps that is not something you consciously think about. You just want to celebrate. Whether that be in the "spirit" of the season or in the "Spirit" of the season, I respectfully wish you a meaningful season!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SEASON'S GREETINGS"
There is a tendency at this time of year to offer greetings or holiday wishes to those we have little regular contact with throughout the rest of the year. It is nice to hear all of the good wishes being exchanged! It is too bad that does not extend to the rest of the year. It is like when there are tragic events that come into our lives and we lay aside whatever other feelings we may have to pay our respects to the grieving family or pitch in and help in a natural disaster. It is as if we need a higher, a special, or a tragic event to move us outside of our normal response patterns.
There is something in that common to our humanity. I have often wondered if it is the tendency to need an external stimulus or source of motivation to do what we would not otherwise freely choose to do. We see this all the time in parenting. Our children often need us to provide that external stimulus or motivation to do the responsible thing. How many adults would obey the traffic laws if it were not for a law enforcement deterrent? How about doing what our bosses ask on their terms?
I have often wondered why it is so hard to internalize what we are offered externally, especially when we know it would be in our best interest to do so. Sometimes I think it is just our natural reticence or resistance against being governed from an outside source. Sometimes I think we do not agree with what is being asked of us. Sometimes it is a lack of trust that others have our best interest at heart.
Sometimes I think we already have life experiences and the corresponding emotional deterrents in our conditioning that resist such choices being made freely.
Whatever it is we all know that those tendencies lie within us. We like to self-govern. Too little and we risk being irresponsible, too much and we risk being entitled. Somewhere in between there is a healthy middle ground of self-regulation. Venturing out into the realm of the extremes can be healthy or unhealthy. Sometimes amazingly innovative discoveries are the result of trying something risky and a bit extreme. Sometimes those same choices and behaviors result in disaster.
Self-regulation is worthy topic of discussion, one that deserves much more than what is being said here. The holiday season provides all of us with an opportunity to practice it on multiple levels: spending, sleeping, eating, partying and so forth. We joke about it every year as we push those boundaries to the extreme. It is almost an inherited right or tradition in our culture! Perhaps it is a form of catharsis, an excuse to release whatever has been pent up inside of us.
I don't know what makes for a "good" holiday season for you and your family. Some would scoff that there is no possibility for such in their life. Perhaps we can somehow be a part of reversing that for someone in our corner of the world this year: by volunteering, by giving, by simply greeting someone you would not otherwise greet. I hope the holiday season recharges you, refreshes you and gives you pause to reflect as we end one year and enter another.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"SEASON'S GREETINGS"
There is a tendency at this time of year to offer greetings or holiday wishes to those we have little regular contact with throughout the rest of the year. It is nice to hear all of the good wishes being exchanged! It is too bad that does not extend to the rest of the year. It is like when there are tragic events that come into our lives and we lay aside whatever other feelings we may have to pay our respects to the grieving family or pitch in and help in a natural disaster. It is as if we need a higher, a special, or a tragic event to move us outside of our normal response patterns.
There is something in that common to our humanity. I have often wondered if it is the tendency to need an external stimulus or source of motivation to do what we would not otherwise freely choose to do. We see this all the time in parenting. Our children often need us to provide that external stimulus or motivation to do the responsible thing. How many adults would obey the traffic laws if it were not for a law enforcement deterrent? How about doing what our bosses ask on their terms?
I have often wondered why it is so hard to internalize what we are offered externally, especially when we know it would be in our best interest to do so. Sometimes I think it is just our natural reticence or resistance against being governed from an outside source. Sometimes I think we do not agree with what is being asked of us. Sometimes it is a lack of trust that others have our best interest at heart.
Sometimes I think we already have life experiences and the corresponding emotional deterrents in our conditioning that resist such choices being made freely.
Whatever it is we all know that those tendencies lie within us. We like to self-govern. Too little and we risk being irresponsible, too much and we risk being entitled. Somewhere in between there is a healthy middle ground of self-regulation. Venturing out into the realm of the extremes can be healthy or unhealthy. Sometimes amazingly innovative discoveries are the result of trying something risky and a bit extreme. Sometimes those same choices and behaviors result in disaster.
Self-regulation is worthy topic of discussion, one that deserves much more than what is being said here. The holiday season provides all of us with an opportunity to practice it on multiple levels: spending, sleeping, eating, partying and so forth. We joke about it every year as we push those boundaries to the extreme. It is almost an inherited right or tradition in our culture! Perhaps it is a form of catharsis, an excuse to release whatever has been pent up inside of us.
I don't know what makes for a "good" holiday season for you and your family. Some would scoff that there is no possibility for such in their life. Perhaps we can somehow be a part of reversing that for someone in our corner of the world this year: by volunteering, by giving, by simply greeting someone you would not otherwise greet. I hope the holiday season recharges you, refreshes you and gives you pause to reflect as we end one year and enter another.
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"SLIPPERY SLOPES"
It's winter! Many moan and begin to plan their Winter Escapes to warmer, sunnier climates. They dread the cold, the long dark days, all the "dressings" required to stay warm and safe, winterizing vehicles, stalled cars, parking bans for snow removal and so forth. Then snow arrives, preceded by freezing rain that glazes surfaces creating skating rinks everywhere. Caution and traction becomes the foci of getting from Point A to Point B in snowy climates.
As much as slippery slopes are dangerous on streets and sidewalks in winter, they are also dangerous in other arenas of our lives, externally and internally. For example, choosing to do what appears to be a good thing can become a slippery slope if the driving motive internally is compromised or just simply not good. External behaviors are often compromised by unhealthy intentions or motivations. Using external behaviors as covers intended to hide lying, scheming, conniving or manipulative motivations are familiar examples of this.
When the chosen behavior does not produce the desired outcome, that gets us whatever it is we really want without coming clean, we are on a slippery slope. The behavior then produces either a landslide of internal dynamics to suppress or work through or becomes a more sophisticated strategy aimed at a second attempt to secure the desired outcome. These attempts can escalate into desperate attempts to get whatever it is we are really seeking.
We probably most readily relate this to parenting and teaching children to ask for what they want or need. At first, they act out these desires and needs, especially pre-verbally. With time, parents hope they learn to "use their words," making the whole process potentially much smoother for all involved. It sounds like such a straight forward process, "just ask!" It is, however, not that simple. If it were, hopefully we would all do it more often and with more congruence and integrity between our internal and external selves!
For some no one ever cared what they needed or wanted, leaving them unsure themselves of either what that "something" is or without words to express however much of it they may be able to put into words. For others their needs and wants were deemed unimportant or shamed, leaving them unable to get outside of themselves and ask. In some families certain members needs and wants were more the focus than those of other members. Sometimes that is a matter of favoritism or deferment within the family system and its members. Perhaps the message was simply "take care of yourself" or to use an archaic and politically incorrect phrase, "every man for himself." Perhaps it was the confusion and blurry lines between wants and needs or the conversion of one to the other. There are many reasons and scenarios we could recite for why we are not proficient at this essential life skill.
Whatever our historic or early childhood experiences, we all carry these "norms" into our adolescent and/or adult lives. It is also important to recognize that there are both individual and systemic norms around these processes. For example, an individual can be quite capable of asking for what they need but if their method of asking does not match the acceptable systemic format, it will not become a successful transaction. Some refer to this as knowing how to play the systemic game to get whatever it is one perceives they want or need.
Attempting to take care of oneself and ask for what you want or need is a life skill. We need not feel shame for still being in the process of refining both ourselves and the systems within which we live. We need to keep working at it, exercising those muscles. Our wants and needs can become slippery slopes that cause us to fall or land in places we never intended.
As we approach this Holiday season it is a good opportunity to check out ourselves and our systems for how we are doing in terms of the health dynamics around our wants and needs. If you never ask, try. If you ask too much, try refining or refraining. Be aware of those who so easily slip through the cracks or are the demanding members of your family systems. This is such an acceptable time of year to practice new skills and shake off whatever has prevented you in the past. Best Wishes!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"SLIPPERY SLOPES"
It's winter! Many moan and begin to plan their Winter Escapes to warmer, sunnier climates. They dread the cold, the long dark days, all the "dressings" required to stay warm and safe, winterizing vehicles, stalled cars, parking bans for snow removal and so forth. Then snow arrives, preceded by freezing rain that glazes surfaces creating skating rinks everywhere. Caution and traction becomes the foci of getting from Point A to Point B in snowy climates.
As much as slippery slopes are dangerous on streets and sidewalks in winter, they are also dangerous in other arenas of our lives, externally and internally. For example, choosing to do what appears to be a good thing can become a slippery slope if the driving motive internally is compromised or just simply not good. External behaviors are often compromised by unhealthy intentions or motivations. Using external behaviors as covers intended to hide lying, scheming, conniving or manipulative motivations are familiar examples of this.
When the chosen behavior does not produce the desired outcome, that gets us whatever it is we really want without coming clean, we are on a slippery slope. The behavior then produces either a landslide of internal dynamics to suppress or work through or becomes a more sophisticated strategy aimed at a second attempt to secure the desired outcome. These attempts can escalate into desperate attempts to get whatever it is we are really seeking.
We probably most readily relate this to parenting and teaching children to ask for what they want or need. At first, they act out these desires and needs, especially pre-verbally. With time, parents hope they learn to "use their words," making the whole process potentially much smoother for all involved. It sounds like such a straight forward process, "just ask!" It is, however, not that simple. If it were, hopefully we would all do it more often and with more congruence and integrity between our internal and external selves!
For some no one ever cared what they needed or wanted, leaving them unsure themselves of either what that "something" is or without words to express however much of it they may be able to put into words. For others their needs and wants were deemed unimportant or shamed, leaving them unable to get outside of themselves and ask. In some families certain members needs and wants were more the focus than those of other members. Sometimes that is a matter of favoritism or deferment within the family system and its members. Perhaps the message was simply "take care of yourself" or to use an archaic and politically incorrect phrase, "every man for himself." Perhaps it was the confusion and blurry lines between wants and needs or the conversion of one to the other. There are many reasons and scenarios we could recite for why we are not proficient at this essential life skill.
Whatever our historic or early childhood experiences, we all carry these "norms" into our adolescent and/or adult lives. It is also important to recognize that there are both individual and systemic norms around these processes. For example, an individual can be quite capable of asking for what they need but if their method of asking does not match the acceptable systemic format, it will not become a successful transaction. Some refer to this as knowing how to play the systemic game to get whatever it is one perceives they want or need.
Attempting to take care of oneself and ask for what you want or need is a life skill. We need not feel shame for still being in the process of refining both ourselves and the systems within which we live. We need to keep working at it, exercising those muscles. Our wants and needs can become slippery slopes that cause us to fall or land in places we never intended.
As we approach this Holiday season it is a good opportunity to check out ourselves and our systems for how we are doing in terms of the health dynamics around our wants and needs. If you never ask, try. If you ask too much, try refining or refraining. Be aware of those who so easily slip through the cracks or are the demanding members of your family systems. This is such an acceptable time of year to practice new skills and shake off whatever has prevented you in the past. Best Wishes!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, November 20, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"A SEASON OF ANTICIPATION"
The last week of November, the American Thanksgiving and Black Friday signal the beginning of the Holiday season for millions of people. My favorite aspect of this season is the anticipation that is associated with it. We see it on the faces of many: children anticipating presents, a break from school and special activities; family members looking forward to being reunited and sharing their traditions; retailers anticipating sales; weary employees longing for a few days off to rest and celebrate; charities anticipating the generosity of others to help them meet their needs; the anticipation of a new year.
Hope is a part of this seasonal anticipation. Not everyone, however, approaches this season with a sense of hopeful anticipation. For many it is an empty and lonely time of year. This is especially true for those who have no families, no jobs, no homes and no hope or viable means of securing them. In the spirit of the season many open their hearts to the opportunities before them to share with others a portion of their blessings and hope. Kudos to all who do or even wish too if unable!
We miss a huge part of what this season is all about if we fail to enjoy the anticipation. Stress, lack of time and sleep, overloaded calendars, unpreparedness, unforeseen circumstances and feelings of obligation so often result in us just plowing through to the anticipated days and arriving exhausted just in time to hopefully enjoy what has barely been anticipated. It is often a real task to continue to anticipate this season no matter the circumstances.
For a few generations a tradition has been passed down in my family around what is called The Mystery Gift. Every Christmas I purchase a gift for several children and make up twenty-five clues, one per day in December. If the child can guess what the mystery gift is they receive and open it early. The intentionality is to generate anticipation. Some years the clues have been too hard and probably generated more frustration than anticipation. It can be a challenge to come up with all those clues. For years these children have ended up with gifts and a monthly supply of chocolate chip cookies for playing the game and to generate anticipation every month till we play again.
For me this season is about the revelation of one of the most mysterious gifts humanity has ever known in the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. It centers around Bethlehem and the manger scene. It elicits anticipation, it generates controversy, it causes one to take pause and contemplate the power of a mystery that affects calendars, governments, history, news stories and so forth for millenniums.
Jesus claimed to be the Christ, the long-awaited Messiah and the Anointed One. A claim that has, is and probably always will be either accepted or scandalous to millions.
How about you and your traditions? How do you anticipate this season? Is there mystery involved somewhere in your celebrations? Warm wishes to all in the anticipation, actuality and aftermath!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"A SEASON OF ANTICIPATION"
The last week of November, the American Thanksgiving and Black Friday signal the beginning of the Holiday season for millions of people. My favorite aspect of this season is the anticipation that is associated with it. We see it on the faces of many: children anticipating presents, a break from school and special activities; family members looking forward to being reunited and sharing their traditions; retailers anticipating sales; weary employees longing for a few days off to rest and celebrate; charities anticipating the generosity of others to help them meet their needs; the anticipation of a new year.
Hope is a part of this seasonal anticipation. Not everyone, however, approaches this season with a sense of hopeful anticipation. For many it is an empty and lonely time of year. This is especially true for those who have no families, no jobs, no homes and no hope or viable means of securing them. In the spirit of the season many open their hearts to the opportunities before them to share with others a portion of their blessings and hope. Kudos to all who do or even wish too if unable!
We miss a huge part of what this season is all about if we fail to enjoy the anticipation. Stress, lack of time and sleep, overloaded calendars, unpreparedness, unforeseen circumstances and feelings of obligation so often result in us just plowing through to the anticipated days and arriving exhausted just in time to hopefully enjoy what has barely been anticipated. It is often a real task to continue to anticipate this season no matter the circumstances.
For a few generations a tradition has been passed down in my family around what is called The Mystery Gift. Every Christmas I purchase a gift for several children and make up twenty-five clues, one per day in December. If the child can guess what the mystery gift is they receive and open it early. The intentionality is to generate anticipation. Some years the clues have been too hard and probably generated more frustration than anticipation. It can be a challenge to come up with all those clues. For years these children have ended up with gifts and a monthly supply of chocolate chip cookies for playing the game and to generate anticipation every month till we play again.
For me this season is about the revelation of one of the most mysterious gifts humanity has ever known in the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. It centers around Bethlehem and the manger scene. It elicits anticipation, it generates controversy, it causes one to take pause and contemplate the power of a mystery that affects calendars, governments, history, news stories and so forth for millenniums.
Jesus claimed to be the Christ, the long-awaited Messiah and the Anointed One. A claim that has, is and probably always will be either accepted or scandalous to millions.
How about you and your traditions? How do you anticipate this season? Is there mystery involved somewhere in your celebrations? Warm wishes to all in the anticipation, actuality and aftermath!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"VETTING TEMPLATES"
Vetting is an important process of examination and evaluation. It determines what is an acceptable expression of ideology, position or creative endeavor. In journalism and film we refer to the process as editing. It attempts to safeguard against expressions that do not accurately express or portray what is desired. It attempts to refine in order to lead to the desired outcome. Individuals and collectives engage in vetting as a safeguard of expression and accountability.
We can never truly control communication. By its very nature communication is at least a two party endeavor. Vetting attempts to hone communication in order to avoid saying something that was never one's intention in the first place. It is an attempt to communicate as accurately as possible and avoid unwanted interpretations as much as it lies within our capacity to do so. Having said all of this, it is important to accept that human expressions and communications will always be vulnerable to interpretation. We cannot control where they will land in another. Lives have been constructively and destructively altered by a single word. Life, itself, has, is and will be altered by a single word.
Take history as an example. It is interpretive. This is why there are so many attempts at rewriting history with the perceived advantage of time and perspective coming to bear on the known facts. The discovery of a single significant piece of previously unknown data can rewrite a chapter in history. The same is true in technology and science where research and development radically shift our notions, perspectives and ideologies regarding what is true or possible.
Another example is legal or forensic evidence. Newly discovered evidence, like that provided by DNA, can turn a case upside down and flip a guilty or innocent verdict. Connecting the dots between what was thought to be totally unrelated pieces of data can do the same thing. The result is an entirely different picture of what really occurred as far as the new interpretation is capable of portraying.
We will never do it perfectly as human beings. We can, however, attempt to do it well or to the best of our capacities at any given moment. We need to be consciously intentional about how we express ourselves or bring ourselves to bear on any given situation. It needs to always be done with an informed awareness of our own limitations and vulnerabilities at any given moment or in any given situation. It is something we work at across our lifetime.
Vetting templates are crucial to accurate expression and communication. We all have templates, or grids, through which we send, receive and interpret our lives and our world. We need to be increasingly aware of them and how that affects our expressions of self, our ability to accurately communicate. It is okay to admit our limitations and vulnerabilities. Integrity demands it.
None of us have it all figured out. We just simply are not that good. We are limited, finite human beings trying to get enough of our needs met to survive and, maybe, thrive in this world. There are many who have never had the opportunity to even imagine the latter. May we be vulnerably grateful for what life has afforded us, withhold judgments and grow in the knowledge of our own vetting templates, as well as their limitations and vulnerabilities.
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
"VETTING TEMPLATES"
Vetting is an important process of examination and evaluation. It determines what is an acceptable expression of ideology, position or creative endeavor. In journalism and film we refer to the process as editing. It attempts to safeguard against expressions that do not accurately express or portray what is desired. It attempts to refine in order to lead to the desired outcome. Individuals and collectives engage in vetting as a safeguard of expression and accountability.
We can never truly control communication. By its very nature communication is at least a two party endeavor. Vetting attempts to hone communication in order to avoid saying something that was never one's intention in the first place. It is an attempt to communicate as accurately as possible and avoid unwanted interpretations as much as it lies within our capacity to do so. Having said all of this, it is important to accept that human expressions and communications will always be vulnerable to interpretation. We cannot control where they will land in another. Lives have been constructively and destructively altered by a single word. Life, itself, has, is and will be altered by a single word.
Take history as an example. It is interpretive. This is why there are so many attempts at rewriting history with the perceived advantage of time and perspective coming to bear on the known facts. The discovery of a single significant piece of previously unknown data can rewrite a chapter in history. The same is true in technology and science where research and development radically shift our notions, perspectives and ideologies regarding what is true or possible.
Another example is legal or forensic evidence. Newly discovered evidence, like that provided by DNA, can turn a case upside down and flip a guilty or innocent verdict. Connecting the dots between what was thought to be totally unrelated pieces of data can do the same thing. The result is an entirely different picture of what really occurred as far as the new interpretation is capable of portraying.
We will never do it perfectly as human beings. We can, however, attempt to do it well or to the best of our capacities at any given moment. We need to be consciously intentional about how we express ourselves or bring ourselves to bear on any given situation. It needs to always be done with an informed awareness of our own limitations and vulnerabilities at any given moment or in any given situation. It is something we work at across our lifetime.
Vetting templates are crucial to accurate expression and communication. We all have templates, or grids, through which we send, receive and interpret our lives and our world. We need to be increasingly aware of them and how that affects our expressions of self, our ability to accurately communicate. It is okay to admit our limitations and vulnerabilities. Integrity demands it.
None of us have it all figured out. We just simply are not that good. We are limited, finite human beings trying to get enough of our needs met to survive and, maybe, thrive in this world. There are many who have never had the opportunity to even imagine the latter. May we be vulnerably grateful for what life has afforded us, withhold judgments and grow in the knowledge of our own vetting templates, as well as their limitations and vulnerabilities.
Until next time . . . this is Just Janice!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
LET'S TALK ABOUT . . .
"Needs, Anyone?"
One of the basic building blocks of society is the family. Across the years it has been redefined in
the service of various agendas, like being inclusive. My favorite definition of family was articulated by a man named Johnson in an ethics textbook. He defined family as learning to "live separately together." While it sounds like an oxymoron, it attempts to hold both autonomy and community in a kind of well-differentiated tension.
We are all similar and different. We all have similar and different needs. We all bring those needs into the family units in which we participate. When our needs are either not met at all, not met enough on our terms, or just not sufficiently met there will be some kind of emotion generated within us. The purest picture of this is infancy. When their needs are not met they scream (baby rage). One might interpret those nonverbal utterances as, "Quick! Get over here, figure out what I presently need and provide!"
Failure to get our needs met as human beings may throw us into a survival mode. We may cease to thrive and begin to just survive. When that happens we may begin to see a progression of three continuums activated in the lives of those involved. First, they may emotionally manifest either something between annoyed and enraged or disappointed and depressed. Depending on whether their tendency is to turn those feelings inward or outward, the ability to esteem self or other may take a hit.
Second, if there is no response to those reactions, it begs an answer to the question, "If my needs are not being met, who is responsible for that failure?" Those involved may find themselves somewhere between damaged to destroyed trust in self or other to responsibly get those needs met. Depending on the perceived answer, the focus of the anger may be determined.
Third, if this goes on too acutely or chronically, the one involved may fall on a third continuum, somewhere between suspicious and paranoid. Articulated it might sound something like, "I am angry and suspicious; I no longer trust anyone to care enough to even try to meet my needs." Destruction of trust is a powerful entity in either an individual or community.
We see examples of this every week in our society and around the world. That is part of the reason for the political tug-of-war over the vast resources of this world. Although much of it is motivated by a desire for wealth and power, some recognize that without their needs met vast populations are left either in despair, helpless and powerless to effect any change, or enraged and engaged in effecting whatever change they perceive may be necessary to get their needs met.
In healthy families everybody's needs are important in order that everyone has an opportunity to thrive. We all know that is an ideal but often not an accurate reflection of the reality. We cannot change the whole world but we can try to live with a conscious intentional mindset of being aware of more than just our own needs. We can practice healthy self-care while attending to the needs of others around us in our communities.
It will always be a challenge to live well in that tension. How blessed we are if we can even engage that challenge because we are thriving well enough to not just be focusing everyday on surviving! Many of our charitable organizations that give so generously to societal and world communities are struggling to continue to do so. I hope we will all be mindful to be grateful because we have been graciously blessed and give generously this year!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
"Needs, Anyone?"
One of the basic building blocks of society is the family. Across the years it has been redefined in
the service of various agendas, like being inclusive. My favorite definition of family was articulated by a man named Johnson in an ethics textbook. He defined family as learning to "live separately together." While it sounds like an oxymoron, it attempts to hold both autonomy and community in a kind of well-differentiated tension.
We are all similar and different. We all have similar and different needs. We all bring those needs into the family units in which we participate. When our needs are either not met at all, not met enough on our terms, or just not sufficiently met there will be some kind of emotion generated within us. The purest picture of this is infancy. When their needs are not met they scream (baby rage). One might interpret those nonverbal utterances as, "Quick! Get over here, figure out what I presently need and provide!"
Failure to get our needs met as human beings may throw us into a survival mode. We may cease to thrive and begin to just survive. When that happens we may begin to see a progression of three continuums activated in the lives of those involved. First, they may emotionally manifest either something between annoyed and enraged or disappointed and depressed. Depending on whether their tendency is to turn those feelings inward or outward, the ability to esteem self or other may take a hit.
Second, if there is no response to those reactions, it begs an answer to the question, "If my needs are not being met, who is responsible for that failure?" Those involved may find themselves somewhere between damaged to destroyed trust in self or other to responsibly get those needs met. Depending on the perceived answer, the focus of the anger may be determined.
Third, if this goes on too acutely or chronically, the one involved may fall on a third continuum, somewhere between suspicious and paranoid. Articulated it might sound something like, "I am angry and suspicious; I no longer trust anyone to care enough to even try to meet my needs." Destruction of trust is a powerful entity in either an individual or community.
We see examples of this every week in our society and around the world. That is part of the reason for the political tug-of-war over the vast resources of this world. Although much of it is motivated by a desire for wealth and power, some recognize that without their needs met vast populations are left either in despair, helpless and powerless to effect any change, or enraged and engaged in effecting whatever change they perceive may be necessary to get their needs met.
In healthy families everybody's needs are important in order that everyone has an opportunity to thrive. We all know that is an ideal but often not an accurate reflection of the reality. We cannot change the whole world but we can try to live with a conscious intentional mindset of being aware of more than just our own needs. We can practice healthy self-care while attending to the needs of others around us in our communities.
It will always be a challenge to live well in that tension. How blessed we are if we can even engage that challenge because we are thriving well enough to not just be focusing everyday on surviving! Many of our charitable organizations that give so generously to societal and world communities are struggling to continue to do so. I hope we will all be mindful to be grateful because we have been graciously blessed and give generously this year!
Until next time . . . this is, Just Janice!
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